whoooooah thanksh for the daily deviatiurng!

by bimshwel, Jun 28, 2018, 11:43:53 PM
Journals / Personal

three years ago! But wasn't it really annoying for a moment when you thought I was bragging about getting one now? I don't understand the point of announcing when something good happens to you. Like you need people to come and congratulate you, to make you feel good about it, even though something GOOD already happened. And people like to announce stuff like that with "whoa" or "wow" or "gee whillickers" like THEY are impressed at THEMSELVES but also at the same time pretending to be humble. "like omg guys 5000 watchers what??? I'm totally pretending I'm NOT a miserable self-centered scumbag who used watch-baiting and automated software to inflate my imaginary worth and I don't know what's gonna come outta my mouth even though I am a cold calculating creep typing and proofreading and not speaking live??!"

I haven't seen anybody do that recently and cannot recall who specifically I saw doing it who hadn't compulsorily unwatched my page first so I can post this without anybody thinking i am targeting them, right? Great.

No it was a long time ago, on something that isn't even very good or representative of any of my ideas.

The person who awarded it didn't even remember to add a comment saying why it was chosen. And to this day I don't know what I did that even made me eligible to have that BE chosen. And it happened two years after I made the thing! I sure haven't done it since then, but I know that one picture wasn't the pinnacle of my humanity either.

I was linked to a survey last week about deviantart changes and one of the things I could rank the importance of was "i think daily deviations don't get enough exposure." No I think daily deviations get all the exposure and tend to look like they were all drawn by the same people and the same kind of people. I got a comment on mine from somebody who was ANGRY that my drawing didn't look like I watch pixar movies and play overwatch or whatever it was then all day (also on his page: HE draws like that). For fleep's beep take some initiative. You have the FREE WILL to look at stuff that isn't recommended to you by someone who will never talk to you. In my experience, nobody outside deviantart even cares about it. I assure you it isn't a big deal that I am allowed to think I succeeded at something once every few years.

And *I* didn't have to say anything about it here, and things still went as fine as they would! I still got louts suddenly contacting me to do free artwork to bring glory to THEM. I still got loads of favor marks on that one picture and not any others, like people think: "I can like THIS picture by bimshwel because somebody told me to and then forget bimshwel until such time that somebody I obey tells me to like bimshwel again. Gosh I love following orders."

My older brother announced today that he is getting married. I can understand doing that; it is important for people to know if you are married. That is a legal status. Your daily deviation isn't going to get you a tax break or let you emigrate to a foreign country. Nor is it being your birthday, for that matter. My birthday's coming! hint hint hint! On my birth-day I like to eat tacos and strawberry pie. Nobody on the internet can give me that so I do not tell them when the day is. People are more connected and have more "friends" than ever on the internet but almost every one of them is depressed. Because all their friendships or deceptive rituals with the goal of accumulating imaginary numbers. Just like going to school or having a job except at 2-20 times the pace, so you feel proportionately more empty and depressed from all the fakery. I don't make friends being angry like this but I don't want to HAVE friends who require that I pretend to be happy and like stupid garbage that I hate. I have to go brush my teeth now. Good luck in your travels.

10 Comments

whoooooah thanksh for the daily deviatiurng! by bimshwel

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isopodz Featured By Owner Jun 29, 2018

i personally think its okay to be a little braggy sometimes. noone else is gonna do it for you, so i do it anyways haha.
i can imagine getting a daily deviantation and not even getting a reason as to WHY is probably pretty anger inducing but at least it was when daily deviantations meant anything. now its all about the "whats hot" which is like, doodles that took a few seconds to do and whatever fandom is popular atm. i hope you have a good birthday btw!!

bimshwel Featured By Owner Jul 4, 2018

I do not mind the sharing of personal exploits with personal acquaintances, but on a mass distributed post it seems unnecessary. Although I also am afflicted with highly irrational jealousy and resentment over frivolous topics.

I never much paid attention to daily deviations since from the beginning they seemed to favor really boring or trite nonsense. Having one of my own tritest pictures be the only one ever to get featured just irritates me more as time proceeds. I certainly believe it is POSSIBLE the presently featured pictures tend to be dumber, as the new userbase is increasingly raised by rapid fire commercialism, which very few people seem to have any interest in discouraging.

My birthday was in march and I barely remember what happened!

Kragatar Featured By Owner Jun 29, 2018 Hobbyist General Artist

Glad I'm not the only one who feels this way.
Especially the birthday thing... god I hate people who mooch for birthday wishes and presents.

michaelmas Featured By Owner Jun 29, 2018 Hobbyist Writer

Hope you have a fine b-day, enjoy the noms ^^

bimshwel Featured By Owner Jun 29, 2018

I don't remember! It was months ago.

Jumbi Featured By Owner Jun 29, 2018 Hobbyist General Artist

are you doing ok?

i noticed people seem to "favorite" one post and then not the others because they simply don't click through to your gallery. i don't know if that counts as only looking at what's recommended.

bimshwel Featured By Owner Jun 29, 2018

I think it is disingenuous to act like you appreciate somebody for this one piece but not even consider anything else they have ever done when it is right there and FREE for you to look at. When that piece was featured, I thought "oh gosh things are FINALLY changing" and nothing changed. it was almost like "see biimshwel THIS is how you could feel EVERY DAY if you gave in and did the kind of stuff we wanted you to!" But that is also a lie because I spent about ten years trying to do what people on these websites wanted me to and that just made them feel empowered to keep stringing me along with smaller and smaller carrots.

I like to imagine I am, in a sense, righter than I have been in the past and there is some optimism in that.

Jumbi Featured By Owner Jun 29, 2018 Hobbyist General Artist

yeah, that makes sense. i get a little annoyed sometimes when i notice people saw one of my comic scenes but not the rest. they're supposed to tell a story, and they're in a nice numbered order and everything... what's the point of only reading one page in a book?
i think popularity tends to be more of a "luck" and "constantly advertising yourself" sort of thing. i've drawn a lot of fandom-related art (especially recently, with the comic) but i continue to have a very small audience. it seems like you're very frustrated with that, though, and i know it is frustrating. especially when you've been working a lot more consistently than i have, for a lot more time.
and you depend on it for income, while i should really be focusing my energy on my "job."

if feeling that way is working for you, then i'm glad. i just felt concerned between your journal here and one of your recent pictures, with the two texting creatures.

bimshwel Featured By Owner Jun 29, 2018

Every week or so I get notices about new page watchers. I try not to look at the total often but going back two or three years it has not budged. I look at the accounts these come from, and a month, a week later, the person has unwatched me, regardless of whether I watched them back, regardless of what I have done in the period. I only find out they did it if I had watched them back. It seems almost ritualistic at this point. It's the kind of garbage people do on twitter and instagram. At least when they do it themselves and aren't just having software that en masse watches other pages or sends them llama badges or whatever. It makes me ill. This site has always had its share of phonies, appearing out of nowhere to say "nice art check out my page!" but increasingly I feel like they comprise a greater share of the active accounts, and deviantart users have always been most likely to brag about their numbers, at least on the sites that I use. The spiteful comic strips are an attempt for me to get over some of my longstanding personal issues, and I assure their existence is positive for me, but I have a difficult time grasping the overall abusive absurdity of these systems. I would not know how to make a spiteful comic strip about this journal's topic(s).

I did read your comic up to a point but I didn't understand the context since I never played the source video games and surmised it might be more sentimental than I could appreciate at my present point apart from that. I have my own issue with people making some obnoxious comment like "My brain hurts... what did I just read..." when I post a new page, even with my plainly including the page number and where to find the rest. Like such a person cannot comprehend the concept of something that is immediately accessible to them at any point they choose to access it. If they can't grasp it in an instant by looking at a random bit of it they still have to comment about it and be rude or insulting. I acknowledge that I left a comment that was mostly beside the point on one of your pages but I definitely would not set out to be hurtful with something like that.

Jumbi Featured By Owner Jun 29, 2018 Hobbyist General Artist

having how much you don't matter to other people shoved in your face every day gets tiring. the numbers do get to me, sometimes. mostly when there are other stressful things in my life happening and i would rather fixate on imaginary internet numbers than my bank account numbers.
part of it is, of course, that deviant art puts up so many numbers for you to look at! there are SO many numbers!! i was looking at them today and i realized how much attention i give to other people as opposed to how much attention i "get." it's disheartening and i don't like being encouraged to think in those terms.

i guess i care less about the "phonies" because they have no impact on my day. i get them so rarely. they don't even register to me any more. "oh. another llama badge." and then i forget about it. i honestly don't have enough energy to get angry about it any more.

my comic is meant to be written so anyone could read it, but i do tend to get wordy, and the black and white format really doesn't help. it is also at the severe disadvantage of having very few jokes.
yeah i don't really understand that style of comment. your comics aren't incomprehensible. maybe a little cluttered, but i actually really enjoy the absurd visual humor. i'm sorry i don't leave comments though. i'm trying to participate a little more but it's in fits and starts.
with regards to those comments though, you'd think that if they didn't understand, they would ask a question for clarification. rather than just say "what did i just read" out loud to the author and move on.