I just can't seem to settle down anywhere, so I'm always all over the place. I'm currently studying in Japan right now but who knows where I'll be next year.
Because of university I can't seem to draw as much as I used to, but I hope I can find my passion like in the past soon!
Here is just random journal entry of my life. I’m writing it down because October has been such a memorable month for me that I need to write down my feelings somewhere so that I won’t forget.
October...was very intense. So much happened, so much changed, and honestly, I don’t think I’ve experienced so much in such a short period of time.
At the start October I was so excited to join Inktober, and I was determined to finish it.
That lasted 7 days...hahaha.
Basically A LOT happened.
First, I started learning Korean, and my University happened to hold a Korean Speech Contest. My ambitious Korean friend then asked me.
“Hey!! Why don’t you try out for it? I’ll help you out.”
And the very enthusiastic and naive myself agreed easily.
The plan was for me to write the speech in Japanese, get him to translate it, and drill it into me.
It sounded simple enough...but reality was much different.
Trying to learn a whole speech in a foreign language you don’t know is such a big deal that I completely underestimated how intense the whole process would be.
I only had less than three weeks, so I had to wake up at 5:30 every day to spend 3 hours just learning a couple of sentences. My friend would then spend one hour fixing my pronunciation and intonation. I will then practice, as well as learn the next passage, repeating this everyday.
On top of that was school work.
On top of that there was also the university cultural festival coming up in which I was participating in.
On top of that I also found a part time job in a fine dining restaurant, which required A LOT of learning. But honestly, this part-time was the second most meaningful experience of October. I learnt a lot about dealing with people, and learnt to take responsibility for my own life.
...On top of that I was also teaching English every week.
I was basically working an average of 20 hours a week.
So I was dying.
It was so frustratingly stressful that at one point I wanted to break down and cry but I didn’t even have the time for that. Despite that I still spent at least 3 hours everyday practicing for my korean speech. For the first time I understood what 「死ぬほど頑張る」meant.
It got to the point that I just felt so blank and empty even when the speech was coming closer. I was just too emotionally exhausted that I didn’t know how to feel.
Two days ago was the speech contest and I didn’t get a place. I would be lying to say I wasn't disappointed. But honestly, the moment when I was on the stage and doing my speech, I felt so proud of myself. I was suddenly overwhelmed by all the emotions I suppressed for the last few days that I was on the verge of crying. My Korean speech was like a friend that I had many fights and fun moments together. I’ve practiced it hundreds, or maybe thousands of times, and the moment on the stage would be my last. It was like saying farewell to a long-time friend.
These emotions surpassed my disappointment by far. Despite the intensity of the preparation, I can say with pride that I am glad I took up this foolish challenge.
Now that that is over, I feel like I can finally breathe. For some reason I feel like something has changed inside of me and I feel a little different than before, though I don’t know what that is.
Now November is here, and I hope to focus more on my school work, my korean, my part-time job and make more of the opportunities to come!
Of course I hope I can have more time to draw as well!!