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About Deviant Isabella MirandaFemale/Brazil Recent Activity
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Hi guys...I need to write....
I was reading about Father's Day then I start to cry...I start to cry 'cause of this...

Do you have any relative who has died?
If... is the same empty feeling ..... only much bigger ..
Because how we can miss something that was never here??
Is the same thing to miss a chocolate without ever having eaten a piece, have smelled, or seen one in your life ...
Is to miss the beach without ever having been down there, you miss the moon, and no one except the guys who stepped there, can tell you how it is .... is like been an orphan, you dont know if your parents are alive or dead...
That's how I feel...
In my life I miss 15 years of something that never existed. My father.
I've never seen, heard, spoken, or even felt embraced...I have never seen photo...or anything...

The only person who knows him, is my mother ...
I don't know even my father's name...I discovered last year when I had a crying fit, and knelt in front of my mom to see if she said something.
And she told me just the name....BIG DEAL!!!Should have at least 1000 more guys with the same name....

Everyone has flaws, yes we have. But my mom has the worst of them
She is proud...The two fought at the time that my mother was pregnant ....
Know what she did? Forbade him to see me when I was born,to prevent him from visit me, we moved to another house...
He look for me,for a long long time, as my grandmother told me.
But everyone gets tired one day ..... and if he were an evil man,as my mother says; he would stop to look for me very soon ..
And the worst is that we moved..
Up to TWO numbers in the street...
And none of the building where I lived was able to say that I had gone from 559 to 557
Two numbers...

Sometimes I stop and think.Why did not God gave him the idea -  'Look, go next door, who knows if she's there?'
I'm afraid, that he die before I know him, or something happens and I get a few time with him, and not being able to try to improve a lost childhood....

What fucks my mind is trying to find hope when all good things have jumped from the bridge a long ago...and you're about to jump too...
It is true .... I've almost lost all my hope.... when I was a little kid, I was always laughing, I woke up happy on sunday of Father's Day, thinking he would be in the living  room, sitting on the couch ....
And he never came ....
And he never came ....
And he never came ....
Then you conform.... and eventually accepts that he does not come home, to kiss you in the cheek and say 'good night'...

And the years go by and the years go by....
And you realize that life is not so perfect, she will always play a trick you, she'll always be ready to pull your carpet and make you fall ...

But it is as the french say, 'C'est la vie'
I am, what I am, 'cause of him, I always think, in how happy my father will be if he sees me, then I catch my last hope, put on the pocket, look at the couch and go to the street,
I study, I hang out with friends....but I never stop thinkin about him, in what have been different in my life, if he went go to the 557.

Some weird things are meant to be,some are not, and are those weird things that we will never know...

I start to write this journal crying, but now I hug this little thing called hope and wish with all my strenght,that in my case, those weird things can make some sense, and play with life for me once...

If you read this 'till here, congrats!
Comment if you wish....

Bye guys!
  • Listening to: ----
  • Reading: ----
  • Watching: -----
  • Playing: -----
  • Eating: Esfiha
  • Drinking: Chá de hortelã

deviantID

Bellastet
Isabella Miranda
Brazil
Strange pic, i know.....

Current Residence: In people's memory.
Favourite genre of music: Eclethic
Favourite photographer: Don't have one...yet
Favourite style of art: All kind of art facinates me
Wallpaper of choice: My cat :D
Favourite cartoon character: Another hard question
Personal Quote: I am a dual person, like many others, of which side of me you will like?
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:iconbrittanysdesigns:
BrittanysDesigns Featured By Owner Jun 5, 2016  Professional Digital Artist
Thanks for the fave <3
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:iconmelanneart:
melanneart Featured By Owner Jan 12, 2013  Professional General Artist
Thanks for the fav! :D
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:iconsetken:
setken Featured By Owner Apr 17, 2012
Thanks for the fave!
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:iconbellastet:
Bellastet Featured By Owner Apr 26, 2012
You welcome ^^
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:iconmyworld1:
MyWorld1 Featured By Owner Apr 17, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Thanks for the fave!
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:iconbellastet:
Bellastet Featured By Owner Apr 17, 2012
You welcome ^^
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:iconanderstattoo:
Anderstattoo Featured By Owner Jan 24, 2012  Professional Traditional Artist
Thanks for the Watch...:-)
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:iconcom2odo:
Com2odo Featured By Owner Jan 4, 2012  Professional
Thank you for faving my Pub :)
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:iconbellastet:
Bellastet Featured By Owner Jan 4, 2012
You welcome ^^
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:iconsianblackperil:
SianBlackPeril Featured By Owner Jan 2, 2012
Thank you for the fave on my tale of Egypt :meow:
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