Basinator

Politics: Patriotism to the flag and nation is treachary to it's people.

Thanks for the watch!

Since I am hopefully going to be more active here, maybe I should briefly address my removal on MLPForums.

I suppose you cannot send me message over there, and I couldn't read them anyway. Status Updates got disabled, so you won't be able to comment no my profile either.

Also, all my content got hidden, which is properly what baffles me the most?

So the obvious: Small drama below. See this as a warning, if you are not interested in that or it even bothers you, better skip away.

I want to not go into too many details for different reasons in public, including to not make matters worse (Not sure they can, though) and to protection of some individuals affected.

SPOILER TRIGGER DRAMA WARNING, read above

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Some history aside with me and the staff, my suspension originally was meant to last 2 weeks for violating the no-politics rule. While I got suspensions before, the staff this time made it clear it would be my last chance. The message sounded they were pretty annoyed about having to deal with me repeatingly.

Now what's the issue? The signaling. Instead of ban-ban-ban it went ban-"WTF I didn't know you got banned, you shouldn't have been" by another staffer - ban - "Ban was unjustified, I will undo it"

How should I get smart by these message? Do these bans count or do they not as not all high-staffers were informed by them or one suspension was handed out by a single staffer and undone by another?

Anyway. During the 2w suspension, stuff happened. Remember the big announcement; For one; Staffers being called homo- or transphobic. I am guilty of this one, and I will write more below regarding this and my role. 1

The other are IRL threats of all kind, and all horrible, to some staffers and also myself by another user on discord, who was also a member on MLPF, and seemingly also on the forums itself, which obviously got deleted. I can't say which was first, however, albeit I suspect discord.

I forwarded screenshots of these threats including the message id, to the admin I fruitlessly spoke about regarding my banning.

After some sleep and the next day, I decided to remove the message ID and told the admin roughly "I will not cooperate with you.". You need to understand why I wrote this before you condemn me.

The reasoning for my action: This staffer has hurt me mentally a lot of time, very badly. I am talking about the risk of self-harm or maybe even worse. Not just one time. Roughly three or four times. Not by actions like bans or warnings - but by words. Devastating, painting all my bad attitudes, not acknowledging a single good one, I felt - even in on 1 on conversations - like a pupil the teacher did put into a corner and shamed in front of the whole class for the mistakes. The other thing is that the staffer usually went in convos with me by demanding an apology, forcefully, or would cut the whole convo. I can't put down an apology or sincerely reflect myself when someone is putting a gun into my mouth at the same time.

To clarify. I did send this ID to 2 or 3 other staffers on discord and to the one who did reply I did assist as much as I could.

The reasoning for my action: This staffer has hurt me mentally a lot of time, very badly. I am talking about the risk of self-harm or maybe even worse. Not just one time. Roughly three or four times. Not by actions like bans or warnings - but by words. Devastating, painting all my bad attitudes, not acknowledging a single good one, I felt - even in on 1 on conversations - like a pupil the teacher did put into a corner and shamed in front of the whole class for the mistakes. The other thing is that the staffer usually went in convos with me by demanding an apology, forcefully, or would cut the whole convo. I can't put down an apology or sincerely reflect myself when someone is putting a gun into my mouth at the same time.

When I told that staffer about when removing the message ID, the response was roughly "Oh, don't worry, Germany has good mental healthcare". Like what. Who even writes that thing. Imagine for a second my response for the IRL threats was "Oh, don't worry, I heard the US has good PTSD therapists". No, I won't write such a thing. That's just horrible. What did I want to hear? Stuff to these I have harmed (see below), some empathy - "I didn't know about that", "I am sorry for what it ended up for you" or "I didn't mean to do any of this". I would likely have returned to cooperate. Instead, I was met with the replies above. Someone tells you he has a mental breakdown and your response is to make it worse?

And what's worse: It was not only not caring. Also from a past experience, it lets me to suspect the person is even doing it on purpose to archive the goal. The end justifies the means. Inflicting huge pain of whatever kind on someone is just awful. 3

if it would ever come to a convo again with that person, I would expect and be afraid to get pressured to apologize. But the ones I harmed is not that person, and what I more afraid of if this was meant to be one-sided, such an apology would justify what that staffer has done to me, and it is not, just because that staffer archived the goal.

And actually, that staffer has hurt me worse with words, far more, than the one who has sent me threats, including death and a pic that's too gross to even describe it with words. Please don't ask me about that picture.

It wouldn't be *that* bad if not every single high-staffer interaction went through and by that person.

Afterwards, I was working with another, low-rank staffer to test for a potential abuse of what a banned member might do. I did create a content that made it clear it was for testing purposes - while in chat with that staffer. The next day, all my content was removed for all users to view. Not the one who made the death threats, but a response to the one who actually reported a potential abuse to the software. Imagine for a moment it was not me who used that exploit but that person.

To be fair, I might be more confused than angry about that action. I am not sure whether it was to punish me, or as a panic button reset all restrictions to maximum and resolve it later when there are more resources (time of staffers) available. (This was 1 month ago)

So yeah, AMA i suppose? While I am not convinced of getting really replies on this here, I felt it was important to clarify. Just keep in mind I am not going to put names out here in public, including to the one who wrote these horrible threats. I just hope that the person who wrote this gets the help they need, both for themselves as well as their environment.

I also don't really wish anyone anything bad, the highest is not wishing explicitely good either. A lack of goodwill, but not a bad will etiher. Closer to not caring.

1 I think it would be unfair to not elaborate at least shortly regarding me calling people xphobic, staffers especially. I am not sure I have told them to the face, but if you confront me with a post that I did, then I will admit of having done so. I just can't remember exactly, honestly.

I don't want to get into the whys of me calling out for the following reason. This has hurt those affected, and possibly even to huge consequences mentally in their life. I will not give you the names. They don't need any further pressure right now, I suppose.

TBH, I only recognized with the huge announcement, which was quite some time later, and other messages later I would have to read between the lines, so I don't know much more than that, and I could over- or underestimate in either direction if making a guess. It looks like people - or staffers - expected me to know, however. I don't have a crystal ball. I can't read thoughts. If some thing is wrong, tell me about it.

Before you get me wrong: I am sorry for what I have done, my behavior has led others to get into harm. They wouldn't have gotten into it without my action and words. Unlike the one I dscribed above, I can b

e empathic. I am sorry for what they went through. I didn't mean for that. I did not have any idea about, albeit I might could - should - have anticipated for one of them.

When I found out I could send DMs after a forums upgrade still, and I had reason to believe a staffer caught me on that, I thought I should send apologies to these stating roughly what's in the last paragraph above. Obviously that permissions got revoked and they didn't reply, but if you ask me whether it was worth it - it doesn't depend on that. It depends on whether these DMs did good or made matters worse.

2 When you make a footnote #3 and only notice you never made a second.

3 Yes, for someone who claims to love everyone, I am at times somewhat awful to people. Or just like above. I cannot deny that. I have failed there, and at other times as well. That's all on my fault.

i cant believe i am submitting something for a MLP art contest.

Message #mlp