Visually, this reminds me of a plaque that you might see hung on a wall, perhaps at a summer cottage. It is pleasant to look at as well as containing thought-provoking words.
What lingers in my mind are questions:
- Is it really a bad thing for the daisies? In life, must we all want to stand out?
- Isn't it equally true that a daisy in a field of roses would stand out? (Okay, literally not so much because rose bushes are bigger plants that would overwhelm the daisy, but you get my point.)
So, I can't say for sure whether I agree with the message of the poem, but I do think that you've packed a lot into very few lines which is no easy feat. I also think there is an interesting almost-contrast between the pretty images and words and some of the darker thoughts about society that it might provoke. Thank you for sharing this.
- This critique brought to you by The Jolly Old Rogers critiquing team. Merry Critmas!
I am amazed I am getting all of these critiques this year! Thanks so much, Jessa! Since you took time to critique this , I will fill you in on the background info on the situation that was the animus for this poem. Basically, I have a very good friend, a truly sweet and beautiful soul, who was just dumped by a guy who prefers low-hanging fruit.
He was offered true love on a silver platter and rejected it in favor of less scary option. He basically picked the daisies instead of the rose that was blooming expressly for him. So my dear friend was left dispirited and questioning her own beauty and self worth. This poem was my attempt to lift her spirits, and reinforce that she is far more special than an ordinary flower. So the real point of comparing the two flowers, was more about letting her know that real friends still recognize the real value of beauty. Those other flowers have nothing on her.
I didn't explain that in the description though, because I didn't want to draw attention to her misfortune or interfere with any cool comments from people who might interpret the poem differently. I enjoy that inspirational exchange of ideas
So, thank you very much for a wonderful critique. I wish you lots of love and light in the coming year.💖✨
I'm here to leave a little critique for Critmas... I saw this work, and had a little too much to say about it to leave it alone.
First of all - the technical things here are excellent. The poem flows well, the rhythm is good, and I really like the visual aspect here. The font fits the theme well, I like how you have made the title red - this both makes it stand out more, and creates a balance against the red rose on the bottom - and having some images of the flowers are also a nice touch. You also have quite a recognizable style, and I can immediately see when a poem has been written by you.
Now, on to the message of the poem, and that's where I have the most comments. Mostly, if it's really bad for the daisies or not. Wouldn't the rose eventually be lonely, being all on their own and with no others at their level? Do they even want to stand out - after all, they don't fit in, and they know they get more attention than they maybe would like? Would the daisies really feel that bad - after all, they are both part of a group, and they fit in (the latter which can maybe be a little too important for certain people... maybe especially when we are younger)? Won't humans come and pluck that single red rose, just because it's perfect - and then leave it to slowly wither and die while the daisies live on?
I'll leave the questions unanswered - I think everyone needs to answer those for themselves anyway, and I doubt we'll all have the same answers. Either way, they are solid proof that the poem makes you think and ask some deeper questions. And that is, of course, what poetry often is about. So excellent work here.
Keep up the good work!
This critique brought to you by We Three Pirate Kings, Merry Critmas!
Thank you so much for an excellent critique. I find it strange that I have gotten so many critiques this year considering that I opted out of participating in Critmas. I hope that doesn't hurt your stats. I always appreciate a great critique though, and I am glad you enjoyed my poem and the visual artwork in it
I actually wanted to have more daisies, but my digital art/photomanipualtion skill are rudimentary at best. That fact that my style is becoming recognizable is one of the nicest compliments I have had recently. I only started doing visual poems when Eclipse started. I think I am getting better at the aesthetics, but it means a ton to me that you liked them.
Since you gave me such a wonderful critique, I will fill you in on what is going on with this poem. You likely saw that it was dedicated to a dear friend. Well, that friend recently had a guy dump her because he basically prefers low-hanging fruit, taking the easy road, and utterly failing to appreciate a truly beautiful soul. He was offered a beautiful rose and chose a plain daisy instead. Actually, he chose no flower at all.
This poem was about my disbelief that someone could so utterly fail to appreciate a true beauty. But naturally, i didn't explain that because I prefer the ambiguity. It allows people to read their own meanings into it. Sometimes, I even gat amazingly stimulating and inspirational comments like yours.
Thanks again, Becky. I truly appreciate it! I wish you a new year full of love and light. 🤗💖
Well - in that context, the sentence most certainly makes sense. And it seems you have succeeded well with your aim - at least I read something completely differently into it at first If we get unexplained fragments we tend to make up our own vision of what has happened and what is going on (which, again, is related to knowing the facts before judging - but now I'm starting to ramble again).
A great New Year to you too!
I kind of enjoy hearing seeing those other visions people might have. That is often a springboard into new inspiration. I don't mind the ramblings of fascinating and insightful people at all. Ramble away all you like, Becky! 😁
This was written to support a beautiful soul who was passed over for low hanging fruit, a failure to appreciate real beauty of heart and soul. But yes, it is sad how unique and beautiful flowers are hurt for not being more like the plain daisies.
At least a rose has thorns to ward against the world out there. The common daisy has not. So it is nothing but numbers...
Great piece. Do you compose everything in word and save it as image or PDF since the previev images are gone or wonky?!
I have both the plain word document and the finished digital image file. It is just uploaded as a jpeg, but since we can now assign whatever tags we want to something , we can call a digital photomanipulation a poem if we want to..
I hear that! I don't even have enough time lately to post my new stuff. I have a backlog of around 100 unpublished poems waiting for a chance for me to squeeze one in edgewise into my day. Honestly, my stress level has been inching up more and more lately. I haven't done a prose post in ages, and that used to be my forte. Oh well. It is what it is.
If I was to take a day off, my stack of replies would go through the roof. I am barely keeping up as is. I just can't seem to help leaving abnormally interesting and heartfelt comments, so my reply rate is way high. However if I could clone myself and split the workload, then I could take more time off.
The first three lines made me think along the lines of the last two lines, and then I read the last two lines, and was like, "Ohhh, you cheeky little bugger." And then immediately afterwards, I thought, "Nice ^^"
Though, I guess one could say that the dandelion might learn to not be bothered by it, or that the rose might actually be kindhearted and not mean to hurt the dandelion, but I like that many thoughts can be wringed from this deceptively tiny poem.