So, here I am, how many years outa school? guess its been long enough. roughly three or four years I believe. point is, its been a long time, and Im still thinking it all over. I was wondering for a long time, what the missing pieces were, what I didnt find, what I skipped, what I didnt see... I look back now, and wish I'd done more. Im wondering how many people do that?... but how could I have known? after all, you couldnt teach me the one thing I wanted to know, and as we both figured out through the years, my mind doesnt move forward if the first question isnt answered.
I know all the test taking strategies you tried so hard to teach me,
I guess... those years ago... when I went looking for you... I was naive... enough to think..... maybe if I found you... things'd be the same again.... like old times... I dont really know what it was I was thinking back then... I just knew... I wanted to find you again.. that I missed you..... haha... I feel like an idiot... when I think about how I went about it.... I just.... didnt care at the time.
searching every number in the phone book, having no idea what your parent's names could have been, all I knew was your last name.. and all I could hope, was that it hadnt changed some how. so, well, the story goes... I found you.. and...heh..
I led a force into some ruins. nothing new, the same old game right? kill the undead, we win the game? so it seemed. until I was living it. but hey, was just a game right?...
so, Seph and I marched our troops, a squad under each of us, and of course, his squad under my command as well. hero units and everything. under his command, his lieutenants I guess you could say.
so we marched through some pretty unadorned crumbling places, nothing much, the undead had petty resistance, as if they just fled as we came. we followed their trail into some larger ruins, ones that has a peculiar white pattern to them. most of the stone and tile was blank w
I watched Yellow team get ripped apart by the combined efforts of Pink and Green teams. the two were relentless in their abuse on the field, air strikes, and raids on ore miners. the yellow team gave up, and went to its last resort, an all out charge.... against the wrong player, me, Red team. yellow team's remaining troops were slaughtered at my doorstep as they came down the hill at us, but their gunfire weakened our position, and Green and Pink simultaneously decided it was time to abuse my team the same way. just like yellow, I didnt last too long, and before I knew it, my base, or lack there of, was in shambles. they didnt stop there, I
So a friend died of cancer last week.
... god... some one at a distance must think my life is just a black comedy...
I literally don't know where to begin nor end that thought. But the short version is, she'd been in pain for a few days (by which I mean work days I worked with her, so that could be 2-3 weeks time, since time runs together for me, mentally.) and was on painkillers that were doing nothing for her. But she took it in stride and laughed about it.
Well, she was committed to the hospital less than a week before her death, and I knew she was told she was going to die, when on Saturday, 25th of May, she'd posted to facebook "No vi
Its weird to think about, for me, but some one can treat you like you're not even a person, but they dont necessarily hate you.
They just don't appreciate or value you in any way. For me, the two mean the same thing... but not everyone is as nice or polite as me.
Was just thinking of a friend of mine that never really made me feel like I had any value. Dunno why I ever liked her, to be honest.. 'cos when I stop to think about it... Most of the time my memories of her just make me feel like I'm worthless. Maybe I'm over capitalizing on the bad memories though.. I honestly couldn't tell you. But thinking back doesn't give me a warm feeling, I
Some of my favorite people, are also the people that treat me the worst.
Which is a really stupid cycle I let myself be in. 'Cos I don't want to hurt some one's feelings, or, because they're okay alot of the time. but admittedly, my feelings have gotten in the way of standing up for myself more than once. Too many times. And thinking back lately... I'm actually pretty pissed off at myself for it.
I can't say I deserve better treatment with a straight face. I probably do, but I'm not willing to own that even if its owed to me. But mostly, of all the people who've tried to harm me, some of the things I let some friends get away with, are actu