Listening to: Brad Paisley
Reading: anything to do with Travis and Riley
Watching: Travis and Riley in Sims 4
Yeah, I know I'm the silent type lately with my sparse postings and comments, but trust me, I am here every day poking around seeing what's what. As you may or may not know I spend my time on Tumblr. I'm mostly there because of the messaging. It's unfortunate that people can't chat here like that, but what do you expect from a site that you pay for pffft lol
Anyway, today marks the two year anniversary when my mom left this mortal realm. It's unfortunate that a certain inbred asshole on here decided to turn the stuff I was dealing with before hand into a dramatic and pointless mess (and sorry all too typical of religion nut zealot idiots with no sense of humanity). I didn't care about her all too much (the zealot I mean) because I had a friend on Tumblr who proved to be above and beyond a friend and the most wonderful human being on the planet. Mom even loved them, always asking how they were doing and what adventures we were getting into with our OCs, Travis and Riley. My mom was probably their biggest fan and loved all we did. Hell, she loved all I did with my bad cowboy and was one of the very few to have the honor of reading all 486 pages of my novel showcasing he and I.
I was simply robbed of having a mom around by about twenty or so years. She died at age 67 of stage four cervical cancer. Although unfortunate, the fortunate part is she didn't suffer. It went quick (two months to be exact) and in a way it was a mystery as it seemed she was doing great with always eating, walking around and whatever else. She had just went on a mini-vacation with her cousin and when she came back the very next day she took a serious turn for the worst and then died a few days later...at home. I got to see that. I didn't speak a word, but I was there, silent and sad. She knew I was there, she stared right at me at one point during the last few seconds. I told her "Go home warrior" to which she did. It's still a vision that I have burned into my mind for the rest of my life. I'm sad, but you know, I'm more angry about the entire thing. I feel I have too many unanswered questions. I feel like nothing was done to help. I feel like I was kept in the dark by oh so much. I find it disgusting that I got kicked in the teeth by someone I thought I could trust and called a friend. I find it disgusting they turned people against me without telling them what happened and let them be the judge to their own thoughts.
I've not properly mourned as I feel I had a great relationship with mom, there's not much to be too sad about other than being without my friend and adventure buddy. It hurts not having her ask how my bff is and how our OCs are. She would have loved watching me play Overwatch or Sims 4...especially Sims since Travis and Riley are brought to life there in a way much more than words on a screen or drawings can do. She would have loved watching me play Stardew Valley and probably would have given me decorating tips for my farm.
Two years and I think I'm finally coming around out of my funk. When that happened I was working...a lot. I hardly had time to myself and just when that gig was over and I got a few months off, I got right back to it. My house had gone to the wayside. I didn't clean unless I needed to nor did I watch movies like I used to. I also stopped working on the yard. I managed. Day by day it was simply a routine. I was happy, but yet lost. But through all of it, my dear and wonderful friend from Tumblr was at my side. I'd say in the two years and two months we've known each other there's only been less than a week of time we haven't spoke to one another. Hours are spent chatting or gaming. Our longest session of communication was sixteen hours. Sixteen hours! Can you believe that? Heh...they've shown me amazing love and support. They've got me through so much and encouraged me to do so many things and strive forward. I've never known anyone like them in my years and I hope that we'll always be friends. We have yet to communicate off of here, but perhaps one day it'll happen.
Anyway, beside all that, I'm doing decent. Although today is a sad day and I've been feeling the lost emotions for a few days again, I'm still striving forward. My house is amazing with the new remodels and cleaning. My yard is freshly landscaped and looks fucking amazing. I've learned how to use a bbq grill and have been enjoying all that world has to offer with food. Many, many positives, but I am allowed this bit of lost and sorrow from time to time.
What's the point of this journal? I have no damn idea. Maybe I just wanted to type something to get things out of my head to relax me for the day. Currently I'm drinking coffee and am going to the lake to do some Pokemon hunting. It won't be a long outing, but just enough to have some fun spark my day. I'll come home to do the mundane of cleaning my bedroom, maybe play some Overwatch. My highlight will be when I get to talk to my friend and hopefully we can continue the role play scenario showcasing our two boys. They're officially engaged now by the way.
If you read through this and got to here, thank you. I do appreciate all y'all on here for what you do. I may be silent, but know that I do love seeing your arts on my dash and I do enjoy reading your comments you put on my few offerings. I plan on posting more photographs. I have so many lovely and cool things that have been patiently waiting to be shown. Maybe I'll post a few fun screenshots from my Pokemon Go adventures. I'll see. Until then, thanks for being around and for understanding. I hope to be around a bit more with postings and maybe keep up on y'all's postings a bit better as well.