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someone changed my password... thanks it was awesome trying to get it back... fucktard
so people play cruel jokes.  greg isnt dead. thats even more fucked up.

but that aside. this is an extremely happy day for meghyn.

:)   gookovakidge
i have finally found my calling.
im pretty excited about this revelation... more soon
you know...here i sit at my computer surfing myspace... and i come to 2 different pages that make me want to scream out in pain... both named greg. i realize that getting older doesnt hold all of the promises you always thought it did. you dont grow old with your friends... and life is so very delicate. greg #1; my beloved greg lowe is a united states marine. last week a truck blew up in front of his unit and they lost 4 members... greg was merely injured thank god... as soon as he's healed he'll be back out fighting, with more vengence, more fury. it makes me sick to know that someone i know, last i talked to him, has a five head count and was proud of this. im not sick because he has killed so many people, or any at all, more that he has too. that he is in a third world country fighting this war, this war that is not his. greg will be deployed to iraq for up to 4 years if our troops stay there. he will never be the same. in a sense hes already gone. so many other young men are gone. maybe not dead, but gone. i have been distantly connected to 2 marines who have passed. david krueter and timothy bell. davids funeral will never ever be erased from my memory. the motorcade was amazing... i saw an entire city completely united and on pause for this man.  people lined the highways to show their respect and their gratitude. but for what?? this is the problem that just keeps burning in my mind. what are we thanking them for? do they even know?? i know that david and timmy and everyone else who has passed, has given their life was for me, and for my country, but why? why do they have to be fighting someone elses war? the immediate threat to us has been diminished... i understand searching for osama, but why so many troops? why so many good men? i appreciate what the marines are doing, and god i respect and love them but i, like many others, just wish they would come home.
greg #2 commited suicide with an intentional heroine overdose on valentines day. i was not close to this greg, more of an aquaintence than anything, but his death touched me. more like made me think. getting older forces you to face death so much more. i hate that. it is the worst part of life. the scary thing is, it becomes easier to accept. i hate that i went so long without ever losing anyone that i knew, to being able to count it on both hands. ive seen so many people go from freak accidents, to suicide, to overdose, and to car wrecks. i feel so vulnerable... past that point of safety where i never think it could happen to me. ive already had my share of near death experiences... especially the telephone pole at 108 and it makes me think am i next? is steve, maria, meghyn, beth or mandy? i know that anyone who bothers to read this is thinking... are you that naive? i promise i'm not... i just cant get past the fact that there is so much more to come. i may not be as dark as i once was, but that doesnt mean i dont think of death anymore. i dont fear my own...just others. why must this cycle be so vicious!? ugh. i dont know. man. knowing someone who intentionally OD'd on heroine is just really rough. i never thought i'd be able to say that. it scares me so much because there are so other many people i hold dear to my heart who are a slave to that dirty dirty drug. they call it dog food for a reason. jesus. this is why i hate getting old. addiction has consumed so many poeple that i know. it rules their life, and i just fear the day i get the phone call. please dont let that day come soon.
i dont know why i felt the need to post this journal. i havent posted in over a year. i think seeing familiar faces on here again kind of jogged the inspiration.. not to mention the fact that i seriously doubt anyone reads my journals. anyways. im finished ranting for now... i'll post stuff soon... as soon as i get photoshop from meghyn again...
this lifestyle is killing me. suppression sucks... as soon as i have the resources i swear i'll be back....    im going through artistic withdrawl.....
Memories consume like opening the wound
I'm picking me apart again
You all assume, I'm safe here in my room
Unless I try to start again

I don't want to be the one the battles always choose
'Cause inside I realize that I'm the one confused

I don't know what's worth fighting for
Or why I have to scream
I don't know why I instigate
And say what I don't mean
I don't know how I got this way
I know it's not alright
So I'm breaking the habit
I'm breaking the habit
Tonight...

Clutching my cure, I tightly lock the door
I try to catch my breath again
I hurt much more, than any time before
I have no options left again

I don't want to be the one the battles always choose
'Cause inside I realize that I'm the one confused

I don't know what's worth fighting for
Or why I have to scream
I don't know why I instigate
And say what I don't mean
I don't know how I got this way
I'll never be alright
So I'm breaking the habit
I'm breaking the habit
Tonight…

I'll paint it on the walls
'Cause I'm the one at fault
I'll never fight again
And this is how it ends

I don't know what's worth fighting for
Or why I have to scream
But now I have some clarity
To show you what I mean
I don't know how I got this way
I'll never be alright
So I'm breaking the habit
I'm breaking the habit
I'm breaking the habit
Tonight...

-me in a nutshell
if you ever take advice from me... dont drive drunk... telephone poles hit really hard when they come at 94mph.
goodbye to you.
:iconazriel1014: :heart: :iconbr0kenangel:
yep, definately been spending more time working on justins account than my own... but seriously if you look at it, you'll completely understand!!! hes such an amazing, talented artist... you really should check out his work!!  :iconbr0kenangel:
last night i helped justin (my bf) set up an account here on DA... everyone better go check it out!!!!  his account name is br0kenangel... i promise its worth looking at, better than anything i could ever do, or dream of!!   
i think im the worst person at updating ANYTHING   anyways... im trying to turn my account around, before i put all things that i liked but didnt really care about on here, i want to actually start putting my emotions down and make this gallery really my own... i should have done it a long time ago, but ive been keeping my most personal works to myself... well yeah, im not going to do that anymore... im getting out of here before i repeat myself too many times heh.
sorry i havent updated or added aything new in a while. im really really busy with school and drama. i havent had time for anything except drama. its been crazy! so yeah! sorry!