A
literature

August Dragon

AzizrianDaoXrak's avatar
By AzizrianDaoXrak   |   Watch
11 22 892 (1 Today)
Published: August 13, 2011
Thunder rolls - a dark,
heaving August dragon crawls
flaming toward sunset.
A HAIKU! Check it out!

Written for #the-haiku-club's Aki Saijiki Contest.

Form: Haiku, duh
Region: North Carolina, USA (that is, southern United States)
Season: summer
Category: Sky and Heavens
Kigo: Thunder (duh, lol)
Description: I swear, it thunders nearly once a day here. Are there thunderstorms in the spring? Yes. Not anywhere CLOSE to as often as during the summer. Those are nice cleansing thunderstorms. These just take all the humidity out of the sky and put it back in the air on ground level.

I'd love some comments on the poem itself. I'm uncertain about punctuation; I don't want TOO MUCH of it, but I feel like the phrasing as it currently is isn't quite right.

Critique for #Wordsmiths-Guild :[link]
Comments22
anonymous's avatar
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Shadedragon06's avatar
Shadedragon06Hobbyist General Artist
beautiful imagery:heart:
AzizrianDaoXrak's avatar
AzizrianDaoXrakHobbyist Writer
Thank you :)
Shadedragon06's avatar
Shadedragon06Hobbyist General Artist
your welcome:heart:
williamszm's avatar
williamszmStudent Writer
I usually don't like haikus, but this is excellent. And I think your punctuation is great, the only thing you might add would be a comma between "heaving" and "August."
AzizrianDaoXrak's avatar
AzizrianDaoXrakHobbyist Writer
well thank you very much :)

And yes, I keep going back and forth on whether to add a comma. I will of course consider it again.
OritPetra's avatar
OritPetra Writer
This is exactly what the sky looked like last night. I'm actually working on a piece based on it right now.

Wonderful haiku, of course. :heart:
AzizrianDaoXrak's avatar
AzizrianDaoXrakHobbyist Writer
:) Thank you

I have to say I love your little Naughty-Harry icon, hahaha.
OritPetra's avatar
OritPetra Writer
LOL. It's starting to creep me out, though. I may have to change it soon. :XD:
AzizrianDaoXrak's avatar
AzizrianDaoXrakHobbyist Writer
Hahaha. Valid :)
PianoNewb's avatar
PianoNewbHobbyist Writer
Great poem. I really liked it. :)
AzizrianDaoXrak's avatar
AzizrianDaoXrakHobbyist Writer
:) thank you!
StaticInk's avatar
StaticInk Writer
Love it. Powerful imagery.
AzizrianDaoXrak's avatar
AzizrianDaoXrakHobbyist Writer
:) Thank you
zippip's avatar
I just love the feel of this poem. It actually has a weight and heft, and it fits beautifully. A great bit of word-work.
AzizrianDaoXrak's avatar
AzizrianDaoXrakHobbyist Writer
:) Thank you
AzizrianDaoXrak's avatar
AzizrianDaoXrakHobbyist Writer
:) thanks
saiun's avatar
Accepted for the Haiku Club 2011 Aki (秋) Saijiki Contest! Make sure to check out the other entries and our contest history as well.

Good luck and consider participating in our other active events. =D

Haiku Club Global Saijiki
:iconthe-haiku-club:
Home of Eastern Poetry
AzizrianDaoXrak's avatar
AzizrianDaoXrakHobbyist Writer
Hooray! Thank you! I'll be sure to read the other entries :)
Sailormoonalltheway's avatar
i like this, its amazing :D
AzizrianDaoXrak's avatar
AzizrianDaoXrakHobbyist Writer
*blush* thank you :)
anonymous's avatar
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