Thanks for the fav on INKTOBER15: Legend - Damn you! You blew it all up!
I’m not accusing anyone, but if the guilty party would step forward, then I’m sure they will be rewarded for having the courage to come clean. I think, considering the severity of the crime, a mild defenestration seems like a fitting punishment. Or possibly, ritual amputation of the kneecaps using rehabilitated circus weasels. At worst, death by pop gun firing squad. You don’t want that last option. It takes ages. The last time this sentence was handed down, the poor chap nearly choked to death on a march-fly halfway through their execution, and we started the procedure in September. What’s worse, once we provided medical attention, we then had to start all over from the beginning. So, do the right thing and give yourself up. Don’t let your family live with the shame of what you’ve done. I was really looking forward to blowing up this balloon personally, and now that chance is gone, forever.
Confess! You know you want to. Please.
Thanks for the fav on INKTOBER 12: Dragon - Shoulder Massager for Sale
Sure, it’s been used quite extensively, and it was the prime suspect in three murders, but none of those charges could be proven, so you have nothing to worry about. It’s also very expensive to operate, requiring no less than 11 sacrificial teenagers, a moldy corkscrew, and a box of half eaten thumbtacks, to be refuelled, daily. But can you really put a price tag on a deep tissue shoulder massage. Like, really, really deep tissue. Like, “Oh my god, I’m bleeding to death! Tell my goldfish I loved him, and please delete my browsing history” level of deep tissue manipulation. Now that is the sort of quality that you just can’t find in stores. So just indicate your interest and you’ll go in the pool with the other potential buyers. It shouldn’t be long before we’re ready to start the bidding. Until then, I recommend you keep your head above the water, and just try to ignore the bloated, floating corpses of all those that just couldn’t wait for this sale to start. Besides, we clean the pool daily, so just avoid them and you should be fine.