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People don't get how emotionally messed up I am after what happened this weekend. I am good at putting on a while and pretending I don't have feelings but I do damn it. And I feel like burning from the inside out.  My confidence is shattered and my heart isn't much better. I gave everything I was to this guy, and it all turned into this. I let myself change into what he wanted instead of staying faithful to myself, which makes me feel weak. Why was I so willing to change myself for him? Because I'm weak, and I don't like to be alone. I fucking HaTE being alone. I need contact, I need touch. It doesn't need to be sexual, it just needs to be affectionate. And although he was a cheating bastard and emotionally manipulation he was always willing to hold me. And I need that. I haven't even gotten a real huge from someone since him and that hurts so damn much. I am in so much pain I can't even cry.  I can barely breath anymore.
We were together for what felt like forever. And it really should only feel like seconds. Back in the beginning months left like seconds. And now I feel like we're just dragging on and on. And nothing was going right. I have been putting this off for a really long time, and I can't take the emotional stress anymore. I know you're hurting and I'm sorry but I can't keep doing this to myself, to you, or to us.
Your kid is annoying and you aren't as smart as you think you are. Taking stabs at me because you're life sucks isn't cool. People comment about the little shit I like and don't like. But the moment I mention someone else's flaws I turn into the bad guy. I really just need to be done with school, and away from these people. We may be friends but I can only take so much
Everyone in this class is doing a good job of seriously pissing me off today. I can't take the fake, phony and down right rude behavior that some of these girls keep getting away with. And a general observation I have for this class is that the people who reach the definition of "skinny" are favorited and allowed to do a lot of what ever they want to do. This isn't my own observation but a conclusion me and another plus sized girl in the class have come to.
I am aware that plus sized people are generally treated differently in everyday situations, but to be treated like this in a course in which we pay is ridiculous and I don't know what I'm going to do about it, probably nothing.
How am I going to do all this when I have a short temper?
Maybe this is the career for me....w
Another long day. I really wish I could just go home today. Every single thing makes me mad. Every single person pisses me off
People have done nothing today but stress me out. And I can't deal with it. It's one thing to pretend like your busy, but I don't like liars. I don't care if it seems like nothing, lying is stupid.
I have been looking around me for motivation. Not just for my creative side, but for my entire existence. All I see around me is the same people complaining about the same things, and not trying to change it. I see the same faces doing the same routine over and over, like robots on a mission and I can't be that way. I can't do that to myself. I'm not sure what it will take to get to there I wanna be. But I am more than willing to make any change i need.... Even if the change isn't easy.
I don't know why I am so bad with money, I know I am to generous. I am really bad about being willing to spend money on my friends. I really need to learn that it's nice to give money, but not if it makes you unable to provide for yourself. 
No matter how hard I try, I can't sleep past 9am. My body is so used to waking up at 6 every morning. So it feels like theirs something wrong when I'm asleep past 8... I really wish I could sleep all day like some people! Teach me your ways 😁😁
I haven't been on DA in years, like almost 3 years to be exact. I am going to try to at least check every single day. And I haven't done much art, but I'll try to upload something.
Alright I havent been on DA in a while... but when i got back on for the first time today and attempted to download something onto here, i was very confused..
i dont like this new layout :(
you  know me, I do not know myself.
i love you more than air.
and you love me as much as sun, i can not hold this feeling anymore,
I fight and try and try and fail,
One to many times again.
I dont know how to say no.
Like the stronger woman may,
for you are the meaning of perfection in my eyes.
You are the wind i must fly on, and the breath that gives my fire life,
You break the walls i create to stay safe, and manage to change me,
Not in tears or in the scars other have given me,
But the way you kiss my forehead,
in the way you breath into my neck and tell me im everything,
you're the reason im here,
It has to be,
Youre the reason ive changed so many times.
I dont know how this all happened,
our meeting,
Our friendship turned to romance.
You are my day dream,
my world my star,
My blooming flower after a harce winter,
The one green leaf that refuses to shead its summery coat for one of ice and snow.
I dont know who i can forget anything that you are.
The good, The best and the sometimes bad.
For you are my weakness,
My akillies heel,
My kryptonite.
im in the process of working on a little story, which from what i have so far is going to be erotic and very intense. I assure you this yaoi will involve many chapters and such, and will be blocked from younger viewers due to sexual situations resolving in Lemon types of writing. Along the side of the Yaoi stories I assume to be writing Heterosexual stories for my straight crowd. Although I myself am straight, i do enough the love two men can share. But im sorry dont expect me to write yuri, i dont think I could bring myself to do it. Although I will not rule out that option completely, you'll just have to give me time. OHH and if you have any ideas for a scene., or something hot i could add to my story, comment. ^.^ LOVE YAA<3
Encyclopedia of a ginger freak

Avery Curtin- All my life I've been called ivory or ovary, gotta love elementary school.

Big fail Mary- I tend to mess up everything with something as simple as being me. I tend to change a life but never my own, I'm a bit of a walking tornado of clumsy destruction.

Loud- I have no volume control; my face has a mind of its own. If I laugh I shake and if I yell I cause earth quakes.

Make up- Although my make-up may not always be as perfect as I want it to be, it's still kind of a part of me, and even though it may smudge, I know I won't.

Pasty- Food of choice the warmth of the over making the room even more cozy. The smell bringing rumbles to every stomach in smelling range. The low hum of conversation vibrates in the air.

Snort- I laugh so hard I lose my breath, trying to breathe again; I snort, the resulting sound makes every person's ribs hurt.
you think you know a person.... :\
love is one of those things that scare people. For me its something im trying to figure out, its one of the fastest and strongest emotions to feel, you never are to sure about it though, as much as you think you're in love, a year or two from now how knows how you're going to feel; no one.
Sit down and think for a moment, think about all the people you love, and all the people who you've thought you loved in the past. but then something happened, and the feeling changes, not only is it a strong emotion, it is a fleeting one. One moment everyting can be the best, and the world can be as perfect as in the fairy tales, and the next it could feel like you're living in your own personal hell, and nothing you will ever do can change that feeling. How do you know that this time is so different.
I can give you a couple hints how I think I know.
Hint 1: even if they do something that upsets you, you still want them around. You still miss them
Hint 2: Holding them is something that has a feeling all its own, and is unmatched by every other thing.
1: Kitchen Counter, Couch, or on top of the dryer? Couch
2: Your last sexual encounter: Good or Bad and why: good, because it was with the love of my life.
3: A fictional person that you think would be good in bed: edward Cullen, (Not from the movie, but from the books) That man broke a head board dude!
4: Something that never fails to make you horny: Biting/kissing my neck...
5: Where is one place you would never have sex: Public rest room
6: The most awkward moment during a sexual experience was when; He(jokingly of course) said his bestfriends name.
7: Weirdest thing that ever made you horny: hair pulling...
8: What is the best way to sexually bind someone: Handcuffs, Rope, or Other [if other please explain]: All of thee above!!
9: What is the fastest way to make you horny: Stand behind me and kiss my neck. Plain and simple.
10: Top or bottom? Both, but I think I like doggie XD
11: We were about to make-out but then his best friend called, So i started biting him. He hung up pretty quickly. ;) [example: we were about to have sex but then his mom walked in]
12: Is one orgasm enough? Are multiple orgasms necessary? haha oh yes I believe sooooo.
13: Something that you have hidden in your room that you don't want anyone to find: KY jelly xp
14: Weirdest nickname a significant other has ever called you: brattt :)
15: Two things you like [or dislike] about oral sex: Like: If i dont wanna really DO anything, there ya go. Dislike: The taste at the end XD
16: Weirdest sexual act some has performed [or tried to perform] on/with you: anal... no, just no.
17: Have you ever tasted yourself? [If no, would you?] [If yes, what did you think?] no, and no. ew.
18: Is it ever okay to not use a condom: Sure, iev done it atleast 4 times with the current boyfriend.
19: Who was the sexiest teacher you ever had? Mr. Short ;)
20: A food that you would like to use during a sexual experience: ice or pepper mint candy ;D
21: How big is too big: too big? Ids theyre such a thing?
22: One sexual thing you would never do: I dont like girls, so anything beside making out with them.
23: Biggest turn on: His moans when i bite him.. Ugh wow ;)
24: Three spots that drive you insane: My neck, my chest and well...ya know.
25: Worst possible time to get horny: At night when Im tired... or when we cant do anything
26: Do you like it when your sexual partner moans: YES!!!
27: Worst sexual idea you ever had: Sex in the woods. >.>
28: How much fapping is too much fapping: Too much? haha no.
29: Best sexual complement you ever got: Gain some weight seriously, stop starving yourself! (im kind of chunky you see, they where just ebing nice)
30: Bald, landing strip, Jumanji: bald. Duh. ;)
31: Is it good sex if you don't nut: yeah. Lol.
32: Fill in the blank: "If they sing, play guitar, or kiss me the right way, we are fuckin"
33: What your favorite part of your body: my breasts haha
34: Favorite foreplay activities: snuggling leading to other dirty things.
35: Love =Sex For those of us who don't remember our math thats "greater than, less than, or equal to]
36: What do you wear to bed? boy shorts and a long tee. (his<3)
37: When was the first time you masturbated: idk. lol I never really needed too.
38: Do you have any nude/masturbating pictures/video of yourself? Um no,. lol.
39: Have you ever/when was the last time you had sex outside? Yes, and a long time ago, it sucked.
40: Have/would you ever have sex outside? Yes. >.>
41: Have/would you ever had a threesome? I would yes.
42: What is one random object you've used to masturbate? I dont.
43: Have/would you ever masturbate at work/school? nopee.
44: Have/would you ever have sex on a plane? YES, mile high club bitches.
45: What is one song you'd like to have sex to? Neighbors know my name
46: What is something nonsexual that makes you horny? signing... and playing bass
47: Most attractive celebrity? Zach efron
48: Do you watch gay/lesbian porn? why/why not? lol i like yaoi.
49: If a child was born on the occasion of the last time you had sex, how old would that child be right now? lol week and a half i think.
50: Has anyone ever posted nude pictures of you online? NO XD
51: What is one thing that NEVER makes you horny? TOUCHING YM FEET. Dont, fucking, touch, my, feet.
52: Do you have stretch marks? (How do you feel about them? Has anyone ever had a problem with them?) Yes, and I hate them!
53: Do you like giving head? (why/why not) yep. cause im good at it.
54: How do you feel about tattoos on someone you are interested in? Love it, so sexy.
55: How would you feel about taking someones virginity? Its kinda hot :D
56: Is there any food you would NOT recommend using during a sexual encounter? Idk,. i havent used ot many.
57: Is there anything you do on Tumblr that you would not like your significant other to see? haha, nahhh. :)
58: Do you own any sex toys? (what is it? (how long have you had it?) Nopppeee.
59: Would you give your significant other unrestricted access to your Tumblr for a day? suree.
60: Would you be offended if your significant other suggested you get plastic surgery? haha, nah, Im thinking of getting a new ass anyway.
61: Would you rather be a pornstar or a prostitute? Pornstar maybe, cause then theyre all clean.
62: Do you watch porn? Not really.
63: How small is too small? haha i like em maybe 7 inches, at the least!
64: Have you ever been called a freak? Why? haha, yes!! Cause I am one.!
65: Who gave you your last kiss? Did it mean anything? My boyfriend, and yes, they all do.
66: Would you switch phones with your significant other for a day? sure, why not :D
67: Do you feel comfortable going "commando"? Depends on what im wearing.
68: Would you have a problem with going down on someone if they hadn't shaved their pubic hair? I dont care.
69: If you could give yourself head, would you? No XDXD
70: Booty or Boobs? BOOTY!! OMFG
71: If you had a penis, what would you name it? Joe :)
72: Have you ever been on an official date? Nopee. :\
73: Have you ever cheated on someone? (Why?) Nah, im not like that.
74: If you were a stripper, what would your name be? Strawberry shortcake. :D
75: Have you ever had sex in your parents bed? (Would you?) Yessss ;)
76: How would you react if you found out your parents had sex in your bed? I would cry.
77: What was your reaction the first time you saw a penis/vagina: Scared me at first... XD
78: If you had a penis for a day, what are five things you would do?
FUCK EVERYTHING!! OMG
FAP FAP FAP FAP.
Penis copter.
run around naked,
oh did I mention
FAP FAP FAP FQAP
I dont think I can jeep remembering to do this.
I keep completly forgetting to even go one here :p
do you remember what it felt like being kissed for the first time?
How good it tasted, how much it make your body shake in the best way?
I get that feeling every time he kisses me.
I get that shaking feeling, like my whole body is on vibrate.
Every,
single,
time.
I dont know if that means anything.
Or if its just me?
I feel like everything we do together makes me feel alive!
I dont know what to think
but i love it...
People always tell you, if you can dream it you could be it.
But how are you supposed to be it, if the only people who should believe in you no matter what you dream, tell you it's never going to happen.
That the one things you dream about being is to out of your reach.
That no matter how hard you try it will never happen.
:'(