Atuin

(Of course I'd also see it approached not by going and talking to the friend, but by going and talking to master about how they should probably tell the others he shares the body with)

I don't have multiple personalities, but while I agree with you mostly, I don't completely agree with you. I do think it matters to have the friend (and other alters) know. I just think it needs to be done appropriately.

This is because in my mind, when people have sexual relationships with multiple people, all people involved should know about it for health and safety reasons, and the same is true when it comes to multiple personalities. The happy family in there is great, but if something sexually goes wrong, it does effect the body of the base and all alters, and every one of them should know abut relationships that are sexual ones because of that.

The same is true for any other sexual relationships, whether its the base or any other alter. All should respect each other, figure out relationships, its nothing like rape, people who say that are being incredibly insulting to both people with MPD/DID and those who have been raped, but sexual relationships are something to deal with differently than other things, because it effects everyone.

I'm approaching how I view it from polyamorous relationships, where I'd want some of the communication, but not all of it, because the personalities are separate, but the body is the same.

Of course, you don't have to agree, but that's my view point.

I still never said I was asexual. I said that there was more than "asexual" and "sexual". "Grey-a", of which "demisexual" is a sort, is things that are not "asexual" or "sexual" (being grey-a demisexual means that you have the demisexual limitation and then are limited again which is what I am).


Yes it is possible to cheat in a poly relationship. Doing something that you have not agreed is acceptable is cheating.

As for what's the point if people aren't equal - people can choose if they want to try for equality or not. Poly doesn't enforce it or enforce not having it. The point is the same - being open to this. The point is still being happy with people and being happy because your partners are happy. It's not about any of what you're saying.

I don't actually know why people choose not being equal - I mean, the only reason their isn't equality in our relationship is because logistically it doesn't work. It's not possible for someone you see once a month to have the same sorts of effects on your life as someone you live with. It doesn't mean you love them less.

When it comes to the jealousy stuff.
-When it comes to being neglected, I don't mean being neglected because of him doing things with her, I mean being neglected and jealousy showing up because of that. Fixing the problems with our relationship fixed the jealousy. But yes, it is normal jealousy. Yes, I feel jealousy. It's not that I don't feel jealousy, its that we deal with it differently. Rather than me feeling neglected and being jealous meaning doing less with her, we fixed stuff and had him do no less with her. Jealousy is a sign that something is wrong, and you can fix what is wrong in most cases.
There is absolutely jealousy in the other situation but its hard to explain without getting into more details than I'm comfortable talking about.

No, it doesn't mean that I'm sexual. I am neither sexual nor asexual. I am in between the two. Both sexual and asexual have meanings. I am neither. I am on the asexuality spectrum. I am closer to asexual than sexual. I am not sexual. However, I don't call myself asexual because I am not asexual. I say I'm on the asexuality spectrum, because I am. This is not saying I'm asexual. I'm a grey-a demisexual. This is not asexual nor sexual. Some asexuals would comfortably call me an ace though. Some would be comfortable with me saying that I'm asexual and then clarifying later that I'm not quite exactly but its easier to say that I am - but I won't do that because I'm not comfortable with that. (Truthfully - there are people who are more sexual than me who identify as asexual, I won't do that though. It feels wrong.) Being sexual means more than "can feel attraction or desire once in their life". It affects how relationships go, how you interact with people, how your sexuality works, how you are discriminated against or not. I am not sexual. The asexuality community knows this, and includes us knowing that we're also not sexuals and also deal with the challenges that the asexuals deal with evenif it is possible for them to feel sexual attraction or desire at some point in their life.


And no, poly doesn't necessarily meaning loving everyone equally. It means loving multiple people. It doesn't make any statements about whether they're equal or not. Some poly people are all equal. Some are not all equal. My boyfriend is the sort that its very hard for them to not be all equal, but we've accidentally ended up in a setup where someone else was "less important" than me, just because that's what happened. If her primary relationship fails (her primary partner's family is trying to ruin the relationship because of her disability and not being approving of a relationship with a disabled person), then its likely that the logistics will end up with her ending up equal to me. His last girlfriend was equal to me - the one that I started dating him while he had been with her. There are people who are poly who have primaries and secondaries. There are people who are poly who can't stand people having primaries and secondaries. There are people who actively refuse to call people more or less important. There are people who label relationships only based off of how much they interact with people. There are people who raise families together and live in households together. There are people who their partners never interact. Some people are closed to specific groups of people. Some are open to doing whatever you want with others. Some are very sexual. Some are not at all. It's a very wide range of people.

Poly qualities are few - be respectful to your partner and their other lovers, don't go behind your partners backs, be good about communication. Things of that sort. It's as generic as mono relationships. People do what is appropriate for their relationships.

I'm okay with a very specific subset of poly. Other people aren't okay with the subset I'm okay with. Other people are okay with both what I'm okay with and what the other people are okay with. And it varies person to person, and most of what is the same is that its respectful, responsible, and open to multiple partners.

1. I'm a grey-a demisexual. Demisexual is the relevant orientation to explain because its easiest to explain. I cannot at all, no matter what, period, feel any sort of sexual desire or attraction until I have a very strong emotional connection. Grey-a is people who are "almost asexual in general". Also, no asexuality is not about whether you enjoy sex, its about whether you desire it and whether you feel sexual attraction. It is possible to feel no sexual attraction, to feel no sexual desire, and to enjoy sex. It's hard for sexuals to understand this though. I actually fall very very close to that category. This does not mean that I don't enjoy sex. It means that I only very rarely feel any sort of desire for it. (Like less than 5 times in all of the time I've been sexually active.)
2. I don't actually have any other partners. I could have other partners. It's very difficult for someone who is demiromantic, grey-a demisexual, and autistic to find partners, even if I wanted to find partners. My life doesn't revolve around trying to find romantic partners. I never tried to find even him. I will never in my life search for a partner.
And no, his other girlfriend is not actually as "important" as me. This is known. People don't need to be equal. It's not because I've asked to be most important, its because of how stuff has happened to be. It might change in the future, and if it does, I'd be supportive of her being as important as I am. I am very supportive of his relationship with her. Their relationship just happens to be one that is "less important", because they cannot have it be "as important" - we live together, they rarely can see each other because of lack of driving abilities. If her other relationship falls apart, then we'll likely invite her to live with us when we move. In the past have been in situations where he has had multiple equal relationships though. However, that's just my relationship. It doesn't matter what people consider most important. I don't think people should always have other people as the most important thing in their life anyways. I just happened to say that this happened to be the way for us currently.
3. Yes, I feel jealousy. I don't feel it nearly as strongly as you do, and I don't find it a huge problem. When I feel jealous, I explain that I'm jealous, we figure out why I'm jealous, and we figure out how to fix that I'm jealous. I'm not jealous of him having someone else at all. That doesn't mean that I don't feel jealous at times. I'm currently dealing with jealousy because he's attracted to a friend of his that I don't trust. We need to figure out how to deal with his. We do this together, rather than just denying the jealousy, and rather than just making him only ever do things with me. In this situation if he needs to not see her because she's only a friend, then he doesn't. I don't want to interfere with the friendship though. With his other girlfriend, I've been jealous at times and we've figured out that this was because I was feeling neglected and feeling like I wasn't getting support that I was needing. So we increased the support I was getting, and then him going and being able to discuss things with her that he couldn't discuss with me was no longer a huge deal.