asuka-sakumo

*WARNING*
Personal rambling post; don't read it if you don't want to care.


Just needed to "shout" few things that is bothering my mind lately. Decided to do this here because mainly people do not even read what I have written here anyway, nor I open dA that often anymore.
I think I will feel relieved once I write all this down, and hopefully forget all the pain.
I have tried to write less personal (and often depressed) posts; but this makes people forget that I am a person too, someone who is REAL and can feel offended.


This brings me to my first reason why I do not like to open dA as often as my first few years. I have written few times that I DO NOT write free tutorials anymore. Especially when I have written a guide book that is for sale on my website. Kindly support me and my creations by buying the book, thank you <3

And when I randomly opened dA account (which I admit I often forgot completely); all I get is rude comments asking for tutorial (with capslock and such). I'm just too tired to reply and decided to block these people for my own peace of mind. Go ahead and hate me for it, I simply do not want to spend my time to turn it to a childish fight. For some people, they look for these kind of things as if it's some sort of publicity stunt etc; but it's not my cup of tea.
I AM always THANKFUL for everybody's support and kind words over my works. But the happy mood is often hindered by the rude comments.


Maybe it's also because recently I remembered few things that hurt me in the past. I know I should let it go, but it's not that easy and it hurt more because I always considered her as a best friend. But when she only called me to borrow money (which I didn't have), or did her works for her own benefit... it was to the point until I was wary of her next calls. And she would always cries and said she was always busy, so I couldn't even call her when I needed some help.
The list could go on and on. I tried to recall some good things that she did for me and why I considered her as a friend; but I couldn't remember any other than the fact we came from the same country and learnt in the same school.
In the end it hurt me because I feel she's keeping me as a friend only because she can "use" me.


Back to the main topic.
I feel offended when people claiming to be my "friend" just to ask for discount. For me, anything like discount and free gift is my way to APPRECIATE people or (real) friends who always support me.
And I don't think anyone would like people who came up to anyone just to ask free things. I often encountered these kind of people who put on their fake friendliness to get info from me. But as my friend taught me these good words, "I am unable to divulge my source, and hope for your kind understanding on this". Especially if they know how hard it is to find good source; and it doesn't even come for free. I even encountered other sites where they blatantly ask you TO PAY for these kind of questions answered. I can do this too, I guess. But I choose not.

I make a lot of mistakes. If there is a shortcut, hell maybe it is very tempting even for me. But in the end I always choose the hard way (which is full of mistakes) just for the sake of self-content. There are A LOT of other people that I admire and a lot of skills that I want to master, but I don't want to cheat my way. But I also found out that without practice and hard work, I couldn't even achieve anything.

Sometimes "sorry" is used not because I feel apologetic; just because it's a polite way to refuse. But more often people took it as if I made a mistake. Bah, maybe they are the RUDE one and don't understand what sarcasm meant.

Ignore me and this whole post if you want. Or go ahead and write spiteful comments towards me, I am going to block whoever that is. Haters just going to hate anyway.