Asterian-Nitari

Last year my dog of 11 years died.  I spent 9 hours digging her a grave under the tree in our back yard.  My grandfather built us a small wooden box for her.  I refused any help.  I worked until it was finished.  Bleeding blisters on my hands.  Bloodied shovel in my hands from the blisters.  I visit it back there every once in a while.  With our other dog. I've had 10 years of severe depression.  But a strong will.  I'm finally coming to the light at the end of the tunnel though.  There have been so many cave ins.  Hardships where I had to pick it up piece by piece until the way was clear and I could see again.  By the light of my own will...

My hopelessness seems to be my only friend.  It darkens my view to where I may blind myself of my own problems.  So small yet so enlarged in my mind.  To focus on helping others get through their hard times.  I couldn't care less really about what may happen to me anymore.  I'm just a servant to the world with no master but myself.  The only worthwhile thing to achieve.  Are the small "Thank you"s that people return when I help them through their troubles.  Small or large.  Whether they are right or wrong.  I will show them.  But.  My state of mind suffers every day.  Too much time idle.  No capability of getting a job.  I'm left stuck her...

For once I will skip the usual "You aren't reading this anyways"  Rant because it's obvious enough already...  I haven't updated this in a fair bit...  Started work on a new story for practice...  Since I have trouble anyways keeping my attention on any one thing...  Refer to "THe Magic of Recluce" on how I feel these days.  I find myself unable to even finish any video games I start.  I have several on console unfinished because I got bored...  The only time I feel at home anymore is when I am writing...  Anywhere else...  All I want to see is the world burn...  Because frankly...  I find myself crying small tears every time I see a flame...