After my failed attempt at coming back to dA 2 years ago, I'm in the process of failing my Livejournal come back started 2 months ago.
After a few months with everything going rather happily in 2012, I've been music-heartbroken last year, I've been friend-heartbroken this year and I am in an argument with an other friend of mine who hung up on me, leaving me no way to make the first step. I met a coach during an event for entrepreneurs and since then, I've been trying to do something. I gathered the photos I've been stocking up for months, resized them and posted them, once or twice a week. My Western zodiac poster series was actually finished a few months ago, I never cared to make it public and thought of uploading it to dA, little by little, along with some other contest entries I made in the meantime.
However, I've been crying every night for a week straight and I start to think that I can't make it. I'm Ok on the outside whereas I feel I'm totally crumbling in the inside. My mind is ready for criticism, my heart is not. It's broken, it's in pieces, it's empty and it hurts.
I feel betrayed, I feel abandoned, I feel lonely and reclusing myself may not be the solution, but getting out of my shell just feels out of my reach for now. I haven't attended any art event this year, I can't think of tomorrow, I can't start a drawing with the intent to finish it. When I actually draw to begin with. I can't make anything happen. This is where my heart lies at now.
Entries on my Livejournal were scheduled and won't be cancelled, so everything I prepared beforehand will be posted. However, I can't promise there will be more than that.
I'm very grateful for each and every comment you left on my previous journal entry.
I'm sorry I gave you hopes 2 years ago.
I'm sorry I can't come back right now.
I'm sorry I can't even tell you if I can come back at all.
Thanks for reading, thanks for your support over the years <3