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Weirdest year by Ashdei-san Weirdest year by Ashdei-san
For me this year was the weirdest year. :o (Eek) 
I realize that a have too many bad things around me and too few good... I can not say yet that i really wake up, but well, at least, i'd open my eyes.
The thing is - reality for me looks like a dream, not as wish-dream, but as boring-but-not-scary-nightmare. May be it would be better if is was scary, but there is not much things that i'm afraid of, so i can't wake up from fear. A trap, when i just didn't realize that i has been eaten alive, so i did nothing to stop it.

I didn't tell anyone this, cause people around me don't understand. I don't expect to be understood there, just somethimes we need to write our thoughts down, maybe for understand them better ourselves.

This year I'd lost my best friend, may be forever, but it was surprisingly good for my art-skill improvement.
I realize that my other friend became kinda my guard so i really need to leave him for good, cause he was sucking my life out of me and called it "care".
I could not forgave or forgot people who caused me much pain in past, i was trying really hard, cause i want to stop think about them, but well, i guess it's a task for new year.Nod 
The biggest thing i realize that i don't want to live where i live. Actually, if someone said, c'mon fly away right now, forever, you've 5 min for grab your things, plane is ready, that time would be enough. :D (Big Grin) 
Ok, so my goal for New Year, the great and only, is to earn enough money to leave this place.:happybounce:  I'm not quite sure where i'll go, but definitely in someplace warmer and with more people around. Giggle
I also want draw more ordinary things and maybe try some freelancing.

So enough with sadness! I want to thank people who support me here, and I wish you guys all the happiness in New Year!Hug

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:iconvulpes-de-lune:
Vulpes-De-Lune Featured By Owner Dec 27, 2016
We do need to write our thoughts down. Only we can make changes for ourselves ;) Over all the years, I realize that "solutions" aren't always so pragmatic of an offering, and just listening is good
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:iconashdei-san:
Ashdei-san Featured By Owner Dec 27, 2016  Hobbyist
yes, you're so right, only we can do this XD
Actually i'v never expected that people around help me, but well... i'll be very appreciate if they stop harming.
So as for me i kept silence and dream for too long, now i need to do and talk, and i'll try my best! ^_^
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:iconvulpes-de-lune:
Vulpes-De-Lune Featured By Owner Dec 30, 2016
I've had a chaotic year (or 5) as well. Just this year I quit several jobs, and also failed to get a trade in our army, but everything turned out fine. Don't lose hope or confidence ever ;) this flame is everything. 
I think to *mostly* escape reliance on others, well for me personally, has been the best thing (it's what you want?). Try not to worry: we can never see what opportunities are just around the corner :) 

Btw your art is beautiful, (although I admit I don't understand so much the anime style). Please continue traditional sometimes too :D the background work is really rare and beautiful.
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:iconashdei-san:
Ashdei-san Featured By Owner Dec 30, 2016  Hobbyist
Well it's nice to hear that things came back in order in your life! :D

First of all i need to reach that corner, there is no opportunities in our village exept maybe an opportunity to became an alcoholic.
Yes, i don't want reliance on certain people, i just keep telling them that i don't want them in my life, and they just keep saying me that it's a lie and deep down in my heart i love them. I don't get it, really. Like they just ask me to do them something really bad, so they could believe me. But i don't want to harm them, i just want them to leave me forever, cause i don't need vampires in my life.


Thank you for your kind words! I quit traditional for i think very long time, maybe forever. I have 3 unfinished paintings i guess those 3 would be my last works in traditional.
But I hope i'll impove to draw full digital paintings with background and such. :D
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:iconvulpes-de-lune:
It is hard to understand another situation but, well, we are these amazing smart creatures, no matter what happens, we have power in our own thoughts For Honor and Glory 

Please don't give up, traditional art is life, and good for your soul :squee: revamp (I must add that you seem to become good so fast with any medium (digital) everything is nice :) )
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:iconashdei-san:
Ashdei-san Featured By Owner Feb 2, 2017  Hobbyist
Yep! People are amazing smart creatures, all of them, but so few of us like living that way :D

Thanks! I guess i just didn't have purpose so i didn't get better, and now i have so my mind accept the necessity of changing :)
I'll maybe do traditional art when i become rich XD
Actually i did some "traditional" painting on a wall in January, well it was good for my soul cause the wall was 10 metres high and i had to kill my fear to climb the ladder Nod 
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