Not really sure how people go about talking about this, but I'm going to try.
I've been battling depression for several years now and it'll feel like I'm getting better, but then the littlest things will set me off. For the most part I'm able to push it away into the back of my mind. I just don't really focus on what's reality and pretend that I'm somewhere else. I draw, listen to music, watch YouTube videos, and read all day long until I'm too tired to stay awake.
But really I have no idea what I'm doing with my life, where I'm going. I think it's mostly because I didn't expect to live this long. I never thought I'd live to be past 15 and the fact I'm still alive now terrifies me. The idea that I'm going to live another 60/ 70 years scares me. Because I feel trapped in this world and in my body and I don't know what to do to fix it. It's not that aging scares me it's just that you have to be alive that long, far longer than I would like.
My dysphoria has gotten pretty bad and the thin