Devious Journal Entry

I'm posting this because I've gone through two deployments with my husband when he was in the Navy. He just got out recently, and we have friends that we left behind that are now going on the ship's final journey.

This was part of the newsletter that the Navy wives and family get. It means a lot to me to read something like this. Often times I get to stand silently while my husband is personally thanked for his service by crowds of people. And alone, he thanks me for my strength, commitment, and for all the struggles we shared together while being in the Navy. He knows, like any military couple knows, how important both sides of the equation are.

------
You don't know, but I'm the girl who cries every night, and hopes every morning for his safe return. I'm the girl who drags
herself out of bed every morning so that he will be proud of her when he comes home. I'm the girl who lies in bed longing
for him to be lying next to me. You don't know, but I'm the girl with a million things to say, but not one will come out with-
out the thought of him. I'm the girl who stops and stares and wishes for him to return soon each and every time another
man in uniform walks by. What you don't know is that I know love on an entirely different level from most. I know the love
that spans time and space; that love that most people are constantly searching for. I'm one of the girls who waits months for
a single kiss; a kiss that will make the months apart worth every second. A kiss where everything in the world stops and for
what seems like eternity, you can see into that person's soul and know that without them, life is not worth living.

You tell me I don't even understand what love is, I tell you, I know more love in one homecoming, than most know in a life
time. You don't know that every time he leaves, part of me goes with him and part of him stays with me. You tell me that
people change and I tell you, true love will always remain constant and steady. You tell me you know how I feel and that
you understand what I'm going through; you have no idea. What you don't realize is that I understand the true meaning of
not only love, but of longing and anticipation. You don't see, but I'm one of the few who gets goose bumps as my heart fills
with pride every time the National Anthem is played. I'm one of the girls who will stand tall and stay strong on the outside,
but be dying on the inside. I am one of those girls who will make friends with complete strangers for only they can even
begin to understand what I am going through. You don't understand that I picture his face everywhere I go and that he is
with me in everything I do. You think I don't cry anymore, that I have gotten over it, but what you don't know is that I just
hide it better. You don't know the feeling the first time you hear the word deployment or the feeling of his hands as it slides
out of yours for what could be the last time. You don't know what that last hug or kiss means and how important that
goodbye truly is.

I'm the girl you see walking by with a disheartened face staring silently at the ground. What you don't know is, that I know
true love and that no matter what obstacles we have to face, our love will live forever, that only we know. You tell me that
you support the troops; I tell you, I'm in love with one. I'm one of the silent, but outgoing; weak, but strong; scared, but
grateful. What you don't see is that without me, he is nothing and without him, I am nothing. I'm one of those girls; the girl
who stands tall behind her Sailor, stands proud behind her Hero, stands strong behind her man, watching silently as he
serves and defends our country.