2 Nuzlocke Oneshots i didn't feel like drawing

o3o;; it's exactly as the title says.  i didn't want some theoreticals i typed to go to waste and i didn't want to drain any energy drawing them since i felt i'd be too tired by the end (i already was just from making this pic, the 2nd half took a whole evening. why'd i have to go with a deliberate JoJo pose ...). for one recent oneshot, it took a week to get through the last 3 panels. ._. im just not young anymore ...

o_o all right, take it away, narrator

fucking hell, you got the time to make these oneshots, but you don't continue your other shit? <_<;; at least you didn't turn the last 2 into full runs ... and at least you're not actually drawing these ones out. ._. but buddy, you do realize it also takes work to make these descriptions, right? especially with how tedious dA Studio is with plz's. plus, you even go out of the way to make named links for some shit!

all right, let's see the victim for this one ...

a gray haired boy: ... where am i ... O_O;; oh, that's right. Grape Soda! Junebug! ... o.o Hana?

some kind of Bulbasaur-Nidoran hybrid: we're all that's left of Azure's assault ...

a gray haired boy: O_O that form ...

o_o;; huh ... you'd think there'd be more stories on THIS fangame. especially considering all the fridge horror in its worldbuilding. really, it's pretty easy to go dark on this shit, especially considering how disturbing it can get to begin with

let's rewind a little ... a gray haired boy would wake up in a lovely field surrounded by foliage ...

a gray haired boy: where am i ... what is this place ...

a Bulbasaur: you're in a Secret Garden inhabited by only a few. mostly runaways like me

a gray haired boy: runaways? ... Secret Garden?

Hana: an amnesiac? i never dealt with one before, what can you recall?

a gray haired boy: o_o i don't fully remember, but i know a big disaster was happening ...  don't really remember my name either, so i adopted one from the port of slate that i rode my boat on

a Bulbasaur: ._.;; Port?

Slate: o_o;; no, Slate. who names their kid Port?

a Bulbasaur: o.o a parent who thinks their child will be so fat that they'd be mistaken for a Snorlax

Slate:  hah

a Bulbasaur: Slate ... Port ... o_o;; you're a Hoennite, how did you get to Kanto?

Slate: ._.;; i really made it across the ocean? wow ...

a Bulbasaur: yes you did (thinks: you crazy Honie ...). after i escaped the lab in Pallet Town, i saw you wandering around like a zombie. you were delirious

Slate: O_O;; a what?

a Bulbasaur: so i dragged you here in this safe spot i learned about from some wild pokes

Slate: o_o so miss ..

Hana: Hana

Slate: why did you escape?

Hana: i didn't want to end up as a mere material for some arrogant brat ...

Slate: ._.;; wait, what?

Hana: ah, that's right, that requires an explanation. you see, quite some time ago, Silph Co. developed an insane product derived from the DNA Splicers that were said to make the legendary Kyurem more complete

Slate: o_o;; whoa ...

Hana: ._. they figured out how it worked, mass produced them, and now we got fused abominations even in the wild

Slate: ._.;; w-what are the side effects for tech like this?

Hana: some nausea ... and losing one's self

Slate: o_o what?

Hana: did you think this was a fusion dance? o_o a lot of pokes don't mind being these stronger amalgamations. in fact, they love it

[insert a simple Pikachu + Machoke = Machu pic]

Hana: but if one wants to defuse ... one of the pokes can end up being someone else entirely against their will ... they're nothing but a material ...

[insert a pic of the Machoke looking the same, but the Pikachu going from male to female]

Hana: o_o knowing this, i couldn't stay behind. if i want to fuse, i'd want to be a Garnet and not a Malachite

Slate: ._. a what?

Hana: o.o oh yeah, amnesiac. you don't recall Steven Universe

Slate: no, i remember that, i just never bothered watching it

Hana:  you gotta binge it sometime ... ._. but skip the epilogue series, it sucks worse than any Ronaldo episode

Slate: o_o i'll keep that in mind ... or try to.  im not sure what to do now

Hana: honestly, im not sure either (thinks: i didn't think i'd get this far ...) we could reside here, but there's no TV

Slate: then that's what we'll do, get a TV to make this feel like home ...  since we got nowhere else to go back to. i think the other garden inhabitants might like it too

a Tangela: he's right, i hate having to look through a woman's window to see gay porn

a Pichu and a Mime Jr.:  she's so fat too ...

Slate: ._. classic fat or Genshin Impact fat? because that shit's not "thicc" at all

Hana: you don't know your name, but you know that?

Slate:  i wish i forgot that game

a Tangela: ever seen My 600-lb Life?

Slate and Hana:  we gotta get that TV ...

and so these 2 idiots ventured off into Viridian City on a noble quest; to get a TV for a natural garden that has no electricity or a cable box or even the password to someone's Wi-Fi. on their noble quest, they'd meet some interesting characters

Slate and Hana: *grabbing berries from a tree at Route 22*

Hana: i know you literally washed up on shore, but you couldn't have at least had enough money for some McNuggets?

Slate: o3o;; give me a break, i don't even have a wallet

a Nidoran F:  well howdy, i ain't ever seen y'all 'round here b'fore

Slate: o.o hey, a Nidoran

Junebug: 'round here, they call me Junebug

Slate: o_o i've called myself Slate

Hana: Hana. do you know where we can get a TV?

Junebug: my buddy Grape Soda might know how

Slate: ._.;; wait, what?

then ...

some kind of Rattata-Sentret hybrid: well if it isn't Junebug

Slate:  Jirachi fucking Christ!

Hana:  see what i mean by abominations?

some kind of Rattata-Sentret hybrid: -3- you're not from around here, huh. anyhow, what can i do you for, Junebug?

Junebug:  y'all could do me for $3.50

some kind of Rattata-Sentret hybrid: -w- heh, you hot bitch, you know my equipment ain't working right

Slate: o_o;; so this is Grape Soda?

Grape Soda: that's right

Junebug: these 2 are Slate and Hana, they're lookin' for a TV. you got one in stock?

Grape Soda: i got some balls, i got some Potions, i even got a DNA Splicer in case i feel like splitting up. no TV, though

Slate: ._. man ...

Hana: we can't even earn anything on our own

Grape Soda: well, i did hear something ... about a boy who recently robbed a mart

Slate: o_o;; wait, how recent?

Grape Soda: 40 seconds ago. he ran off with a TV too. headed to Route 22

Slate:  why the hell are we here then?! and why didn't you say this earlier!?

Grape Soda: you didn't ask

Slate:  you know what, that's fair

Hana: we gotta stop him ... and hope they'll reward us with that TV. how hard can it be?

and shortly after ...

Grape Soda: *lying on a corner, dead*

Junebug: *injured and struggling to move*

Slate: *unconscious, at the same corner as Grape Soda*

Hana: *somehow still standing* ._. why did i have to say that, that was a red flag!

a boy who kinda looks like Blue Oak: you really thought it would be that easy? pathetic. im able to take all this stuff because this is how powerful i am ...

Hana: we still took down your Nidogey, Azure ...

some kind of Nidoran M-Pidgey hybrid: *unconscious*

Azure: but not him ...

some kind of Charmander-Squirtle hybrid: bluuuuhhhh *somehow breathing flames and bubbles at once*

Hana: i really did make the right choice running away. if i had to end up with a monster like you, then ...

Junebug: ... Hana ... *holding some DNA Splicers*

Hana: Grape Soda's ... wait, are you sure?

Junebug: my time's comin' ... ya gotta get Slate out of here, so with the last of my energy ...

Azure: roast them, my Squirtmander!

Squirtmander: *breathes hell upon the poor girls*

Azure: heh. pathetic ...

Squirtmander: buuueeheheh-*gets pushed back by a vine*

Azure: *gets knocked back by a flying Squirtmander* o.O gah?!

Hana: *appears to have fused with Junebug* ... a Garnet ... *runs off, trying to carry Slate away*

and now you get the gist of the beginning ... you know, telling the end or the climax off the bat isn't usually a good thing to do, especially in a Nuzlocke. it's just very poor writing ... for something long term, but this is a oneshot and the picture already shows what Hana is, so there was never gonna be an element of surprise ... anyhow, let's show a little more before we go to the next oneshot

Slate: ._. man ... for things to turn out the way they did ... geez, we didn't even beat him ...

Hana: we did survive, though. we didn't get that TV, but we did make it through. i even became part of a consensual fusion ...

a Tangela: about that TV ... *reveals a working TV*

Slate: O_O;; what ...

a Mime Jr.: that fat woman had a heart attack after having her third consecutive triple Baconator, so we took her TV

a Pichu:  and her Wi-Fi password

Slate: ._. we did all that for nothing?

Hana: not exactly *holding a wallet* this was Azure's *reveals a massive box full of fries and McNuggets* and you're damn right i splurged

Slate: ._. thank Jirachi, because after that, i really need some comfort food ...

Hana: *holds up a remote* Steven Universe, anyone?

a Tangela:  not the epilogue, anything but the epilogue! i'll even take Rocknaldo over that

Hana: you, i like

Slate:  i think we'll be able to manage for now *eats a McNugget*

and with that, let's go to the next oneshot ...

================

the following is a oneshot of a deliberately offensive rom hack. if you genuinely think the idiot that typed this garbage actually believes some of the horrible things depicted, then you're a bigger fucking idiot than he is. really, just because someone types the N word in a fictional story, that automatically means the real person is racist? is media literacy even a thing anymore?! for the love of Christ, kids. go read a book or something! anyhow ...

in a swamp somewhere ...

???: hm ... where am i? why do i feel lighter? where's my gatling gun? -3- did the other Kommandos try to sleep with it again? it's MY raifu, not thei- ... ._. wait ...

this man is not of this world. how he came here? well, ever heard of something called isekai? ._. yeah, i also regret knowing it, that stuff's fucking everywhere and so much of it is boring as SHIT.  anyhow, where this man came from, he no longer remembers. he doesn't even remember his own name. all that's known is that in his old life, he was a nobody who went into a club, slipped on an ice cube, and died instantly. he would wake up in a land named Kekkoh ... in the form of a sentient warning sign

???: *wanders around as the narrator ... narrates* this can't be the Pa'ia Preserve, it doesn't look as good ...

a virus hit his region. someone bred a bunch of sentient cancerous blobs and dumped them all in the water ... just so he could say the region was closed due to AIDS. which is exactly what happened. the sentient warning sign, along many others, fled to the nearby Channel Islands, better known as the Ebin Isles. he'd grow stronger in some dense wilderness ... to the point of being a hulked out beast. and what did he do with this newfound power? he broke into a military base just to get wasted. eventually made friends with these like-minded morons

???: what the hell are these Pokemon? that thing over there looks like a more retarded Ogrelord

now what does all this have to do with anything? ... o3o;; honestly, nothing. i could've just told you that this guy crash landed into another region by drunkenly pretending to have sex with a tank nozzle and then getting fired into the skies by accident. but hey, might as well have some context into this

a ghoul: oh, a puddle ... huh, did i get a face lift? ... o.O;; my pecs! they're gone! ... -_- oh, now i get what happened

already explained it, you drunken loser

a drunken loser ghoul: =3=;; hey! ... ._.;; oh Heliofug, i really got blasted to another region and died in it ... -_- what's this region's deity so i could swear in their name?

a Cloroxic: oh no, another one ...

a drunken loser ghoul: another?

a Cloroxic: you're not the first person or poke to crash land into these swamps and wake up as a Bannedshee

a drunken loser Bannedshee: o_o huh ... that is a really fitting name, since i was once a Banageddon

a Cloroxic: Bana ... oh no, you're from Kekkoh. hey, did they ever fix the AIDS problem?

a Bannedshee: ._. no they did not. i ended up fleeing to the Ebin Isles instead

a Cloroxic: -_- shouldn't be that hard, just leave the niggers behind to absorb it all, they're one and the same

a Bannedshee:  bruh (thinks: oh no, this region is openly racist too ...)

a Cloroxic: this place is Efonni. i am a Cloroxic, as you can see

a Bannedshee:  Efonni? (thinks: that sounds like ... ._. oh hell fuckin' no)

a Cloroxic: i can't say much else, i just bum around these swamps, blinding those Fandom faggots that run by with my toxic cum

a Bannedshee:  BRUH (thinks: fuuuuck, it's that era of iFunny)

a Cloroxic: if you need to get more up to speed with everything here, go to Professor Zeke

a Bannedshee: ._.;; Zeke? (thinks: oh come on, at least Ebin had Herbie, is that at least short for zucchini?)

a Cloroxic: or Le Zeke, as the locals in Logen Town call him

a Bannedshee: Logen Town? (thinks: -_- ok, so it's not a plant)

a Cloroxic: it's right past what used to be Fanford. go west from here. once you reach a ruined town, head north of it

a Bannedshee: thanks ... uhh ...

a Cloroxic: i don't have a name

a Bannedshee: same. i just went by my species ... ._.;; which is now this ... "Bannedshee" ... man, im gonna miss my pecs ...

a Cloroxic: and im gonna miss these 4 minutes i just wasted

a Bannedshee:  you're a dick

a Cloroxic: and this dick just gave you an idea of what to do. now get out of here, <_<;; the SWA Troops come marching around this time

a Bannedshee:  the wut

a Cloroxic: *suddenly gone*

a Bannedshee:  ... hey narrator, speed this shit up

it would take this unfortunate soul some time to head to Logen since he also had to avoid being noticed ... he was also thirsty on top of that

a Bannedshee: Kek Juice? is it any good? *drinks some* ...  FUCKING HELL, it tastes like Shrek's ass sweat!

._. what do you expect swampy onion water to taste like? Long Island Iced Tea? thankfully, Route 1 was more straightforward. he just had to worry about being caught by a few Nobodies ... and not the Kingdom Hearts kind, just some people who had no distinct bodies. they might as well be mannequins, only bigger and blacker. anyhow, after reaching Logen and explaining his whole schtick to the professor ...

Le Zeke: you'd be surprised how often that happens. the last Bannedshee that came like this ended up eventually getting taken in by the ghost of Dale Earnhardt, if you could believe that

a Bannedshee:  uh huh ... so where do i go from here? (thinks: i hate that im not drunk for this ...)

Le Zeke: with your rare status, it's safer for you to partner up with someone here. wouldn't want to end up with any of the SWA Troops or a prisoner in Swauschwitz

a Bannedshee:  Swausch-wut

Le Zeke: fortunately, you're here in Logen, where everything is wholesome. you know, we actually got an Ebin native in this town, a Ms. Fidelis. she moved last month

a Bannedshee: o.o whoa, that's awesome ...  well, as long as she isn't-

Le Zeke:  from Polony City

a Bannedshee:  yeah, saw that coming (thinks: ok, how much of an inbred redneck is this bitch ...)

Le Zeke: here's her address. get her over here for me tomorrow, it's gonna be a big day for you both ...

and then ...

a Bannedshee: ._. all right, here we go ... how bad will this conservative hillbilly be? *knocks on her door*

a statuesque blond woman: *bust opens the door with her ... bust*  oh, i wasn't expecting company

a Bannedshee:  FUCKING NIPPLES OF HELIOFUG

a statuesque blond woman:  Heliofug? well i'll be, you're from Ebin too? i ain't never seen you 'round Quints Island before

a Bannedshee:  maybe i was too hard on Polony City

a statuesque blond woman: wait ...  are you the colored man from the big going away orgy my grandpa and my uncle-daddy put together?

a Bannedshee:  and there it is ... no, you got the wrong guy (thinks: you know what, i can still work with this inbred)

a statuesque blond woman:  aww ... i really liked him ...

a Bannedshee: i was once a Banageddon, then i got fired from a tank and crashed here ... and now i am this thing called a Bannedshee

a statuesque blond woman:  you're a lot of bananas, aint'cha

a Bannedshee:  i also have a bana-._. wait, what's your stance on poke sex?

a statuesque blond woman:  i loved it whenever grandpa's Pasdawg knotted my butt~

a Bannedshee:  i also have a banana in my pants (thinks: what a freak, YES)

a statuesque blond woman:  you silly billy, you don't got no pants~

a Bannedshee:  yeah, you got me (thinks: wow, she's stupid, but man is she a much needed breath of fresh air ...)

a statuesque blond woman:  hehehe~

a Bannedshee:  anyhow, Professor Zeke sent me here to be your partner since it'd be a lot safer than just wandering around

a statuesque blond woman:  he did??? wow, i thought i'd be getting one tomorrow

a Bannedshee: oh, so you did remember. you're still going to him by then, by the way

a statuesque blond woman:  yahoo!  whew, it's gon' be hard to sleep til then

a Bannedshee:  then how about we-

a statuesque blond woman:  slumber party! *zooms off and comes back in some lingerie*

a Bannedshee:  WOAH

a statuesque blond woman:  oop, silly me~ *zooms off and comes back in some ordinary cute pajamas*

a Bannedshee:  ok, that's cute, but what was wrong with the previous pair?

a statuesque blond woman:  we just met, my uncle-daddy says it ain't good to be easy ...  even if it would make ya happy. gots ta know you more

a Bannedshee: o_o a real honest and traditional type ... i haven't seen that in ages.  you're right, though. i never even got your name

a statuesque blond woman:  the name's Simper

a Bannedshee:  wait, really? (thinks: ._.;; fucking hell, im simping for a simpleton named Simper)

Simper:  really for really real. how 'bout you?

a Bannedshee: i don't remember my name. i was never given one as a Banageddon either

Simper:  Banana! o.o no wait, that's a fruit. oh!  silly Billy!

Billy: ...  you know what, i'll take it. it comes from the heart

Simper:  yahoo!

a disheveled man: *comes up from the basement* <_<;; oy vey, simmer down, Simper. im trying to work here *goes back down*

Simper: o.o oh, sorry, Deep Web!  i was sharing this house with him.  he pays for everything by selling his pee online

Billy:  im in for a long journey ...

i wouldn't expect either of these to continue. hell, this game ain't even done yet. it's 2 gyms as im narrating this. these are called oneshots for a reason ... ._.;; and yet some became twoshots ... eh, im overthinking this shit, ima go get a bagel

i don't own Pokemon, Nuzlocke, Infinite Fusion, Noon, or any references used