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Farewell by Antarija Farewell by Antarija

It has been three months since he's gone... And I still can't believe that I won't ever see him again. That I will never hug him. Never hear his cheerful barking. He had been with me for more than 12 years, the only friend I've ever had... He was always there.
It might sound pathetic but...I think that now I finally know what this "empty heart" thing is about...
Everything has just lost its meaning.
Everytime I came back home and he's not there... I just feel like I have no reason to be there anymore as well. He was the only one that has always been happy when you came back.

They say that time heals every wound...

It's getting worse and worse every day.

He was always there for us. He had many health problems (often caused by our stupidity) but everytime he was able to get through them. He wanted to stay with us and we wanted him to be with us forever. So we kept telling him to stay, to keep fighting, that it would be fine because he was indestructible. We told him to live.
So he lived. He stayed with us. Fought for us. And made me believe that he really was indestructible.

But nobody is, right...?

That damn cancer was stronger.

We killed him. At least that's how I see it. What else could you call betraying someone who lived for you and putting him into eternal sleep? I know that we didn't have a choice. That it was the right thing to do. He was suffering. He was tired. He had no strength left in him. It seemed like he wasn't even able to recognize us at the end or just didn't care anymore, but still...
I can't forgive myself... It's just wrong.

It probably would be much easier if only I was able to tell him " It's fine, that's enough. Rest." But I wasn't. I wanted him to live, to be with us just a little bit longer... I'm a selfish bastard...

And now he's gone. My beloved doggy is really gone...

Szafir was special. He was the best creature in the world.
There will never be another one like him.

And why am I writing all of these...? Well...
Because it's easier than to say it out loud.
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Submitted on
October 23, 2012
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