I disappeared off the face of the internet for a very, very long time. I apologize so much already, I know, but I'm sorry. I've. . . been going through a lot of self-growth, I guess you could say. Sometimes, I go through these periods where I sort of change, and I just don't want anything to do with anyone during that time period while I try to figure myself out. Like how the caterpillar shuts himself away during metamorphosis, as he becomes something different deep inside.
To be honest, I've got this deep, black hole where my heart should be and I don't know how to fix it.
In my past, I've always lowkey struggled with depression and anxiety. I tried my absolute hardest to push off the darkness, to smile and keep pushing forward, but some days I just can't. What doesn't help is that I don't really know how it works or why I feel this way. Sometimes, I just feel sad, I just feel empty, and I can't explain it.
I haven't drawn in ages, I'm just having a hard time finding the extra space for it. I've actually picked up a lot on writing, for me personally it's easy to do at times and I enjoy it greatly. I started working on the final drafts for the chapters to my story, Rise of Azopia. I've been working on it in secret, and it will be done soon. With my drawings, I have a few personal WIPs sitting in my folder, and commissions that are WIPs as well, but that's it. It's just taking me a lot of time to get my artistic drive back. Just give me time to find myself.
Eventually, once I gain the courage, I'll become more active. I just wanted to apologize for leaving everybody in the dark.
I had the most amazing of days today! My 21st birthday was a relaxing day, and I deeply enjoyed it. I couldn't have asked for a better day.
Another year older!
I wanted to thank every single one of you who wished me a happy birthday today. I'm a very reclusive, closed-off person who doesn't interact or socialize with many people, so the fact that several of you went out of their way to talk to me today, really means a whole lot to me. I truly appreciate everything! Thank you so much again for all of the wonderful birthday wishes, guys!
Those close to me have a lot of plans for me next week, and I will be busy with them, as on July 11th I will be turning 21. Not only that, my sister's birthday is on the 13th. Additionally, I'm going with the husbando to a concert on July 14th, specifically a riddim rave by one of our favorite record labels, Disciple; Knights of the Round Table. Next week has a lot of fun in store for me, and I can't wait!
I've been picking up writing a lot more lately. I really enjoy it; being able to get some complete words out, other than troves of note files and indexes, is nice. And while I do relish spending my time blabbing in word files about my characters or other universes, I would like to be able to share my works with others.
But the question remains: where?
I used to dabble around with RPs and fan fictions when I was younger, so I know Archive of Our Own (Aox3) is good (for when I'll be doing my Fallout stuff). But what are some other sites that you guys use to upload your written works, especially original works? Sate a fellow writer's curiosity.
When I start to dole out final copies of my story, I'll post them here, of course; such as Rise of Azopia (originally named Ophidian Curse if it doesn't ring a bell).
I'm sorry, guys. I sort of took a small break from the internet. I had a lot to do so that things just started piling up, and the weeks began to pass by, so much that by the time I was done with everything at the end of the day, the only thing I have the motivation to do is play Fallout 4. That game is like my other life, I swear, I'm like level 75 and I can't stop playing. I love this game so much.
But I've really been neglecting my duties, and I need to work on that. Here's to getting better!
This is not a part of my monthly updates, which I number and organize accordingly. Some things out of the ordinary have happened. To be honest, these past few weeks have been the some of the weirdest weeks in my life. It's been very rough, and let me explain why.
I must apologize in advance for my disappearance. I sort of took a "break" from the internet for several days, almost a week. But it felt extremely needed and it was a good reprieve, although I am still recovering. Earlier this week, my husband broke his foot, and I basically went offline to devote all of my time towards taking care of him. We didn't even know it was broken until two days after it had actually broken. The trooper still took that thing to work, but we took him to the doctor when the swelling would not reduce and he couldn't even walk on it. He was also given a reprieve from his work (funnily enough, long story short, we got a doctor's note on 4/20 and got the whole day to ourselves ), and so this past week was spent healing and recovering. However, his broken foot and inability to ride a bike has been a downer.
Just recently, I was taken down as well. I don't know what it was (right now it's a tie between a bad bag of Takis or some meat that I cooked up), but I ate something bad, and it's taken its toll on my body. I've been really sick these past few days. I woke up suddenly in the middle of the night around 3AM and did not realize I was awake until I noticed that I was trembling hard enough to wake myself up and I felt absolutely awful, followed by hurling. Thankfully, however, it was not a bad case (my suspicions point towards a small case of food poisoning that passed in a day), compared to the last time I became sick from eating something. That was several long years ago, in 2015, where I was sicker than a dead dog for two weeks straight after eating bad meat in a meal from Chipotle. This time, it wasn't so bad, and the searing stomach cramps, nausea, and constant puking is done with, thank God. It was annoying, forcing myself to eat through the nausea because I had thrown everything up, and then it would start again. I still feel sort of sick and weak, but I am surely recovering, and I think the worst is over.
As much as I truly hate to admit it, I really need to take it easy on myself until I am 100%. I still do not feel well, and although I loathe having to set aside everything necessary and be cautious with myself, I need to. There are things that need to be done, and it kills me to force myself to stay away from my responsibilities, but I guess they can wait until I have the strength to complete them.
Anyway, that's where I've been in this recent week. Other things, like binge watching King of the Hill, and obsessively playing Fallout 4, have taken up the remainder of my time. I think I can get back on track today.
In other news, because I live in certain parts of Arizona, some schools here are shutting down today and strongly advising the students to not attend, because most teachers here will be "walking out" of classrooms and schools in order to protest and show their solidarity for "#RedForEd2018". It's definitely weird and interesting, that the basis of most news stories lately are based in my home state. My siblings and other family members I know of aren't attending school today because of the whole RedForEd thing. Oh well.
Welcome to the second installment of my monthly updates! Here you will find me rambling about all sorts of things: my life experiences in the past month, what I've been doing with my art and writing, and any other ideas I may have in mind that I would like to share and rant about.
Let's start off with recapping my most recent experience out in the dirt of the wild outdoors in our backyard. Recently, on April 14th (which was also my little brother's birthday! He turned 7! ), I and many other family members and people went out into the Agua Fria area of Arizona to travel to Bloody Basin, a ranch out in the desert that they used for wildlife demonstrations. The place was mostly inhabited by game & fish security, the groundskeepers, college students, and any other person interested in pursuing the wildlife and outdoors field. My husband's grandpa, 40 long years ago, created and patented the net-gun in order to form a more humane and efficient way to capture animals. The net-gun is sold all over the world (at least where the US will let us sell) and used by many for various reasons in game capture: redistribution and relocation, tracking, medical check-ups, all that. It is highly efficient and harmless. My husband's family runs the net-gun business and they have ever since I can remember. Every year around this time in April, we head out to Bloody Basin to continue the legacy, and demonstrate the net-gun to the college students.
This year at Bloody Basin was lots of fun, and I had a great time! There were four classes of students to instruct, and various other on-lookers, that were split into half-groups of 5-10 people so we could teach them easier, so roughly 8 different groups came to us and shot the net-gun under our instruction. It ran pretty smoothly, and there were little to no mishaps and accidents, aside from the few poorly-packed nets that came out odd when shot.
I don't know who this one old man was, but one of the groundskeepers must have been put there recently, and he must have been new there and unfamiliar to us. We were searching the grounds for metal barrels to use as target practice for the students as we set everything up. One of the metal barrels had a lid and was being used as a trash receptacle, but my husband and I looked at each other, shrugged, and just went with it. As we're moving the trash bag out of the barrel and we start to head off with the barrel, this old man comes running out of nowhere, huffing and puffing, and I realized that the yelling I had been hearing in the background had come from him and was directed at us. He comes up to us and goes, "You put that right back where it came from." I follow his pointed finger, and he's pointing at the damn metal barrel and the trash bag. We tried to explain everything, and I told the man that we needed the metal barrels because we were going to shoot the net-gun at them. We had done the same thing with these metal barrels every year, so I was confused at his obvious disdain, and I'm pretty sure my husband was, too. The condescending old man had angered him, and so he threw the bag back into the metal barrel and we put it back exactly how the old coot wanted it. We grabbed the plastic barrel the grumpy old man wanted us to use instead of his precious metal barrel, and stormed off. I understand if he didn't want us to use it, if it was for specific reasons, etc. But he didn't have to storm up and be a big fat cunt about it. Whatever, I guess. Some people just don't get along well.
Aside from that, like I said, it went well!
At the end of every class, when everybody had gotten a chance to shoot the gun at least twice, one of our people would throw a football pass into the air, and the shooter who had volunteered had to successfully "catch" the ball in the net. That was a lot of fun as well! Most of the ones who offered to do so (this wasn't mandatory, when we asked only a few had stepped up to the plate) were not able to do so, and missed the ball entirely. A few were able to successfully hit the mark, however, some of the nets that they used were larger, and the football just sorta went through one of the holes in the nets. And only 3-6 people were able to correctly and successfully "catch" the football out of the air (we had only one net that was small enough to fit around the football lol). These people had prior firearm experience, were familiar with hunting, guns, etc. I've only ever shot the net-gun, and at that, three times. This was only the third time I've shot a gun, and I was one of the people who had "caught" the football!
It was kind of a personal satisfaction, really, because the only chance I had to shoot was in the little spare time we had at the very end of the day, right before we left around 4PM (MST). The classes were leaving the area, everyone was packing up, but they handed me the gun. I was extremely nervous that I wouldn't be able to hold the gun up (I wasn't able to last year, those net-guns weigh 25lbs each and I had poor upper-arm strength, so I could not hold it up), but they put the net-gun in my hands and I said, "Wow, this is way lighter than I remember it being last year!" And a rush of excitement filled me! I probably wouldn't have been able to hold the gun up for longer than a couple of minutes, but they told me to call when ready and they would throw. Everybody had their backs turned and were packing things, but I said pull, they threw, and I waited until the right moment and shot at the ball. And I still got it! I was honestly surprised I could even hold up the gun, aim, and hit on the mark. What an accomplishing feeling! I didn't even care that only a few people saw it, I still did it and it felt so good!
The rest of the day was spent packing everything on home, and recuperating once the long trip back home was finished. I'm still pretty sore from that ordeal, they had me moving around a bunch. Activities like these out in the dust kicked up by the desert wind is not for the weak.
That was pretty much the most exciting ordeal of my last month! I've been spending my time either playing video games, or working on owed art. There's not really much to say there, I'm just kind of biding my time until I can have the free range to work on personal projects. I'm also waiting until I finish up all the visual references of my characters for my story Ophidian Curse before I finish its chapters and bring it to completion. If you guys have been following my past journals, I've been talking a lot about it, and although I have all the basic information set up, I just have to write the story, write the index, draw out the map, and the art cover for it.
Thank you to all those who took the time to read this! Updates like this are regularly posted once a month, or whenever there's something to talk about.
My dear friend and the lovely and amazing VanixMarshmallow has opened their commissions!
Want great art like this?
They are a wonderful artist and their art is fantastic, go check it out! Here I am shamelessly plugging their commissions, they're in a tricky spot right now, and they really need the help! Go commission them!
Well, I've almost forgotten what these things called "journals" are. Status updates are the blame of my forgetfulness. Anyway, I figured that I may as well make my updates regular, and keep them in journals where they can be viewed all the time. In these updates you will find my thoughts, rants and ramblings, check-ins and stories of my real life shenanigans, plans I have in mind for the future that I'd like to express, and anything about my art and writing. Let's get started!
For those of you who have been keeping up with me in my status updates, I caught a nasty head-cold a couple of weeks ago, after stressing myself physically in ways I had not before by attempting to cram several events in only a few days. With apprehension, I think I can safely say that I've fully recovered from being sick. The runny, stuffy nose is fading away, and all that is left is this lingering cough and congestion. I don't feel like crap anymore!
Yesterday, March 10 (I also learned that same day that March 10 is officially recognized as an official holiday, "Mario Day"), the weather was nice enough so we planned a ride. It was a lot of fun! Overall, it was 36 miles there and back. We passed through Tempe Town Lake (there was a large, Hawaiian-themed event there, so we had to stop and walk our bikes at one point, so many people lol) in order to get to Papago Park, which in turn led to a place literally called Hole in the Rock. It was our first time, and the sight of it was stunning. There were a myriad of trails, with multiple cresting hills that towered, and we didn't get to inspect them all there was so many. Every hill, cliffside and mountain over in that area was pockmarked with holes and caves. We found our way up to a small, shallow cave at one point, and venturing inside a cave for the first time was definitely something. The skies were cloudy that day, the air soft and cool, and it was a beautiful adventure I will not forget. Hole in the Rock itself is a large mountain with a hole in its center, thus its name, but there were a lot of hikers up inside of the opening you could see clear through, so we did not go there. After beating ourselves sore on the trails, we started to head back and the clouds broke open above our heads, sprinkling rain. Once more, we rode home with the storm on our tails, and it rained the rest of the day. It was really nice, and we both are eager to return there!
Also, I've slowly but surely been working on commissions. My last request was a bit difficult, and showed me unfamiliar grounds, but they're coming along! I've noticed, though, that my watcher count has been nearing the big 300. Like wow. You guys are truly amazing! Maybe I should do some sort of special occasion for real this time, like a raffle! I will think on it. After I finish all of my owed art, like commissions and art trades, and that raffle, I'm planning on dedicating everything towards pushing this story of mine towards completion, Ophidian Curse. I have a lot in mind and a lot to do, and I can't wait to reveal it all to you guys. My art has aged a bit, though, and I need new references for my characters and a new ID. But those will have to wait until after owed art.
I know it's been taking me forever to get my owed art done, though, and I apologize for that. I've taken on a lot of responsibilities in life, both in real life and on the web, and they need to be taken care of as well. Currently I've been helping out my Minecraft server a lot, and doing moderation work. Work, work, work, but hey, at least I'm enjoying it!
Keep an eye out for these updates, I'll try to do them once a month to keep everything in check. Hope you all are doing well! Thank you for taking the time to read this update!
Rules: 1. Post the rules. 2. Post 8 facts about your character. 3. Tag 8 other characters. 4. Post their names along with their creators.
I was chosen to use Rusalka!
1. Rusalka is named after the rusalki of Russian mythology and folklore, female spirits known as water nymphs. 2. She was born with strong hydrokinesis, the ability to manipulate water. As she grew older, she taught herself the art of aerokinesis, the ability to manipulate wind. 3. Being a Russian blue cat, her fur markings are inspired by dark hues and blue-ish grays. Her species also affects her personality, explaining her shy nature around strangers. 4. She is lithe and athletic, her thin yet strong form attesting to her love for constant movement and spending time outdoors. Addidas is her favorite sportswear. 5. As mentioned earlier, Rusalka is a reclusive and quiet mind, an individual that does not mind being alone and goes searching for it. She detests crowds and strays from people. 6. Her favorite weather is when it is pouring torrents of rain and wind! Dark, gloomy clouds and thunder and lightning are favored as well. Any sort of dark weather dreary enough to deter others from going outside is what she prefers. 7. Some of the Russian blue's favorite past times are playing video games, and listening to music. She likes playing first person shooters, and her favorite music is vaporwave. 8. Rusalka's favorite food to eat is ramen noodles.
- Did your art get better or worse this year? It certainly got a lot better!
- Did you draw something you are really proud of? Oh yes!
- Did you make any new friends? Yes, I met some new faces and lost old friends.
- Did you buy a new character you love? I didn't buy them, but yes!
- Did you confess to anyone? Yeah.
- Did your relationship with your parents change? Yes, it has improved.
- Did you go anywhere new? I have discovered loads of new trails in the past year!
- Did you keep your new year's resolution? I don't remember making one last year.
- Will you make a new year's resolution this year? Yes! I want to draw more.
- Has your taste in music changed? Oh yes, it has changed a lot. I'm finding more types of music and styles that are unique.
- What's one lesson you learned this year? Be careful with whom you trust.
- Do you feel you've come closer to your goals? Yes, I am always improving!
- Has your self-esteem grown? Certainly!
- What is your best moment of 2017? In the beginning of the year, when things were fresh and I had just started really building my strength on my bike. I had nothing to do and the world to explore at my disposal, and all I did was ride. That freedom is great to think back on.
- Do you feel much older this year? Yeah, I really do.
- What's your new year wish? Some peace for once.
- What did you do for your birthday? I had a special dinner made for me, and I was able to relax and play video games the entire day. The next day my sister and I enjoyed our joint shared birthday party!
- How did you dress for Halloween? I was a witch, complete with long flowing black dress, dark boots, hood and cloak, and a small cauldron to carry.
- What colour do you think of when you think over this year? For some reason, 2017 makes me think of the color green.
- Who has been your closest companions this year? My fiance and my childhood friends. Everyone else has left me.
- How many animals have you pet this year? All of them.
- Sum up the year in four words? The year of change.
- What has been your most used emoji?
- What did you eat a lot of? Ramen.
- What did you drink a lot of? Water.
- Did you find a new aesthetic? Uh, sure?
- Have you changed your username? Nope!
- Has someone changed your opinion on something? I guess.
- Did you like the music in the charts this year? What? I don't listen to mainstream!
- Did you think this year was better or worse than last year? It was a lot better!
- Do you think next year will be better or worse than this year? I have a good feeling about the new year, there is lots of room for improvement.
- What are you most excited for next year? The unknown and unexpected! Anything can happen.
- When's the latest you've stayed up? All night.
- When's the earliest you've woken up? Anywhere from 2AM, to 4AM! Being sick and restless sucks.
I wanted to make a journal officially welcoming the holidays, and wishing well to all you lovely people out there, watchers and all.
Things have changed a lot this past year of 2017, but bad or good, all these changes have brought us here, better than ever. I've certainly changed deeply myself. What has changed for you guys this year? Have you changed at all?
This holiday night, on Christmas Eve, we will be celebrating our cheer by sitting around a fire later this night, and I'm excited. As we sit around the flames with a few drinks, we will enjoy the holidays in our quiet little circle around the fire pit, staving off the cold of the night as Christmas eve slowly turns into Christmas day. Tomorrow, on Christmas day, we have a Christmas breakfast planned with my fiance's family, and we go to my family's house later that day to spend the evening with them. I feel that things will go well. What are your guys' holiday traditions? What do you do to celebrate this special occasion when the tree is glowing and the air is frigid outside?
I hope that every single one of you reading this has the most wonderful of holidays, full of warm cheer and friendly faces. Merry Christmas, and a happy new year to all, too!