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Deviant for 11 Years
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B.W.Banner by Anicardios-Crew B.W.Banner :iconanicardios-crew:Anicardios-Crew 3 2
The Panic Attack
I work to prevail
My mind set and aimed at my goals
Yet the truth is I failed
Hours on end trying to set the perfect pace
But then my heart vanishes in the darkness
With out any trace
This constant uneasiness racing through my mind
"What am I doing wrong?,
How can I make it through this?
Where Did everything I set out to do go?"
So on,
So much painful, unintentional, self-destructive thinking
Piercing my heart, my mind and even my soul
A trap from within
"Is this really me?,
Can I keep this from breaking free?
Will i lose all control?
From what I love and cherish?"
This feeling grasping me making sure
Trying to convince me to never let go
My own personal Hell in a matter of minutes
But another day goes by
It all ends...
How cruel this is
As tomorrow,
It starts all over again
My heart will never be free
:iconanicardios-crew:Anicardios-Crew 3 0
Microsoft Has You by Anicardios-Crew Microsoft Has You :iconanicardios-crew:Anicardios-Crew 4 1
Coded truth
One day I just wake up on the floor in a corner of my room. In the darkest corner away afar my bed, why would I… maybe I got careless drinking or was there something else? I don’t have the usual hang over from the after effects of over drinking I usually get as punishment makes me wonder if I am a drunker sometimes.
I try to get up, but there this throbbing pain that keeps me from doing so.
Man what a night, how stupid that sounds coming from someone who is completely clueless. I lay there a little while hoping something would trigger my memories and I hope I didn’t do something that I rather not remember. Then again waiting was never my thing. Okay let me try that one more time. As I try to get back up…nothing but it is even possible to actually dream pain of which one can actually feel? That was weird but at least I was able to get up. I steadily take myself towards the restroom; it feels like I had recently gotten up from a coma and that my body was all numb like
:iconanicardios-crew:Anicardios-Crew 1 0
Anicardios-Crew New ID by Anicardios-Crew Anicardios-Crew New ID :iconanicardios-crew:Anicardios-Crew 2 2
'Did I really wants this'
“My friend, The fates are cruel” Loveless from Crisis Core: FFVII
This verse echoes within my mind
I stare into the void from the only window in my room
Cold and silent,
Even more so than any other room that comes to mind
I choose well,
I can mourn any sorrow
Within the walls of this lifeless room,
One may believe the sole purpose
Is to aid one in sad times
But sadness is not one to yield
Once it claims a heart,
It never wants to let it go
Being alone accompany by sorrow is worse than just simply wanting some time alone
:iconanicardios-crew:Anicardios-Crew 4 0
Light has been restored
I can almost remember those days
But they reflect in my memories as a cruel plays
Actors playing the roles like if I wasn't a part of it
My past life….
My new life is not the same
I am the only one to blame
The ignorance and cruelty of the my present
I once hated the life I been giving
But now I just want to keep living
I have no regret
Of my past
Nor do I fret
Then my journey takes me to place
Like I left my home with no trace
I don’t want to be here
This unknown place is like something I had always feared
I have decided I will do whatever it takes
To be rejected
Of this horrible location
I have true determination
But what destiny reveals after ward
This…of all things…of all cruel deception
Is my only way….My final way
This must be some misconception
It must be some lie
But in my heart I know it is
Just plain truth
A perfect glass window
Showing me it interior
I feel so inferior
Never have I been so powerless
Get what I want….lose where I want to be
:iconanicardios-crew:Anicardios-Crew 2 2
Between choices
Thin blade held in my grasp
My enemy so very close
In my insanity I could
Drive this very blade through his very heart
It would bring great satisfaction
Seeing him try to find his last breathe
As his body gives in
And his warm blood covering my hands
Or I could finish him quick
This would get such a great treat
Imagining and finding out how strong I am
So many choices which to choose
I also have learned how sick and twisted
My mind can be
And how creative in the process
Can I go through with this?
Or crumble like the coward
He believes I am
I can feel my heart now
I must make a choice
Weather or not to please my sick mind
Or for once in my life be compassionate
For a fellows man life
So many toughts passing threw my head
I made my choice
.I will let him
:iconanicardios-crew:Anicardios-Crew 0 8
The calling
I will not regret
Will never give into fate
Nor shall I falter
Won’t admit failure
Considering defeat is not an option
Been push to the edge
On the verge of oblivion
All pressure been place on me
Negative ideas blinding my chances
All hope seem out of grasp
I…I lost haven’t I
Then I hear this calling
I see nothing but illusions
My feelings are in a struggle
Can exactly say what is left
Or which path to choose
And were it leads
Then I hear it again
This calling
Trying to soothe my soul
Telling me I lost today but the always another day
But only if I don’t collapse on this day
I may have lost something today
Maybe even to the point of no recovery
Yet there are things still to consider
Maybe this was not meant for me
Or I have been blind to reality
I want to believe it so
I will be thrown into depression and sadness
But I already been there
It is nothing new to me
Can’t go back then I will give new a chance
Maybe this is my calling
:iconanicardios-crew:Anicardios-Crew 3 6
The reflection
My reflection cast upon a mirror
And with it my eternal sadness
The one reflected a mere empty shadow of my former self
My heart cries
My body lies
Utter mockery
My eye does not lie to me
False attempt to hide myself
They had known this all along
And yet they have hidden it from me
Their silence makes it worse
Turn it into a burden
My reflection cast upon a mirror
And I am the one who is shattered
While my stare at what seems to be a whole
Yet has no soul
:iconanicardios-crew:Anicardios-Crew 0 0
Forgotten Memory
I dwell deeper into an unknown forest
Into the dark black forest
My heart is skipping beats
Pacing uncontrollably
I pay no mind
Deeper I go
The fog thickens
My mind begins to have second thoughts
No longer can I rely on my sight
I am lost
Everything is slipping from my grasp
What am I doing?
    Why was I here to begin with?
And what was I looking for?
Things which lead many to insanity
To me it is all the same
Hard to think about others
When this time it is me
I have only but two options
Return and never answer my questions
Or continue to find my reply
Good or bad
Which ever it may be
The curiosity gets the better of me
I will go on
Even with the regrets of no returning still in my mind
I finally make my way down the path
My eyes open in shock
I did not expect this
Nor has the thought cross my mind
How can…
When have I forgotten of this place existence?
The place were I have met you
:iconanicardios-crew:Anicardios-Crew 5 45
Raven and the Dragon
This dream I only had kept it to myself until now….
Background: Ok I was in a clearing in a Japanese field. The clearing had many cherry blossom trees and the cherry petals flowing with the soft breeze.
I walk deeper into the field just to sit in the middle of the field.
A giant and powerful dragon sits a few seconds later behind me I could feel it belly rubbing on my back.
The dragon leans towards me; its powerful jaws reach my left ear.
I do not move I was not scared.
It begins to whisper to me.
“…Raven why do you bother they do not care, they never had”
“I am sooo alone…”
“…Raven they are afraid of you just as they are afraid of me”
“Yeah but…I know*sigh*”
“…Raven you tried; there is no reason to feel that way”
“I…tried? I still feel empty”
“…Raven face it, you just will never be accepted for who you are, trying to display otherwise leads to lies”
“Am I that hard to bea
:iconanicardios-crew:Anicardios-Crew 1 10
The Admirer
How are you,
I am an aficionado of poetry
Your loyal admirer
Even when you did not know of me
I am your friend lovely lady
I make an oath to god
Such a beautiful women like no other
I am captivated by your most devoted fantasies
Lost with your most profound poetry
Do not cry my love
I keep all my promises
If you smile
I will give thy roses
Of beauty to compare with yours
And when you cry I will be there
To cover,
To protect,
Some one precious to me should never cry
As long as I am around
How are you,
I am an aficionado of poetry
And now I am here
You will have compassion and love
When you need it the most
Welcome to this new world
My greatest love
:iconanicardios-crew:Anicardios-Crew 4 7
The Help For a Rose
I been straying
Walking so alone
With my sorrows which never stop
To break into my mind
Haunting from within me
It had been forever
That I felt these feelings
I feel the pain of sorrows
Just straying
It has been hard but I found some light
This light my savior
In my time of need
It has shaped me like nothing before
This rose now in company
It is still a dark rose
But it now has no thorns
As gentle as any other
But beautiful like never before
:iconanicardios-crew:Anicardios-Crew 2 10
The lone sniper
A lone sniper walks
Unaware of the events that are about to unfold
He is quickly surrounded
The lone sniper observes knowing what is happening
He lets them do as they please
Their fatal mistake
A lesson which they will learn the harsh way
They creep closer
The sniper smiles cause they are getting in range
The sniper looks at each one
Plotting the most effective of counter attacks
And how to execute it with out any flaws
They are underestimating
And acting solely on impulse
The lone sniper takes a breath
Knowing there is no alternative
They unleash their fiercest attack
The sniper looks on
Then reacts
With eyes of a falcon
And accuracy to boot
He only concentrates on their leader
With precision and great speed
The leader falls in an instant
They cease their attack after
The leader quick defeat
They could not believe
He was defeated with such ease
They run in terror and flee
The sniper had one with minimal damage
As they flee the sniper yells to them
“The name is Val,
You should do
:iconanicardios-crew:Anicardios-Crew 0 4
The Ghost
So many spectral beings
This one like no other
It came to me one winter night
It was wandering this plane ceaselessly
A secret it will share
“I come from so far way, I been counting for this very day
Listen to what I have say
Aid me so I can be release from this world
Please place this amulet were it can see
The sunset of everyday
I promise that to another soul
That I will have done so
Only then may I rest”
It had spoken these very words to me
Then there was no need for words from me
I done what I was told
The ghost smiles at me gentle smile with much relief
The ghost finally was able to rest
It leaves a small piece of paper
The words “thank you” was written on it
I just look at the words and stay to watch the sunset
:iconanicardios-crew:Anicardios-Crew 4 10

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  • Watching: Tweets...tweets EVERYWHERE
  • Playing: What ever It find good no mater the genre
  • Eating: KFC (finger lickin' good)
  • Drinking: Soda (I like Coke but KFC's all Pepsi)
It been awhile...But i'm here


United States
Current Residence: Around the world
Favourite genre of music: Rock and metal of every kind
Operating System: Windows 7
MP3 player of choice: iTouch
Favourite cartoon character: Squall Leonheart (FFVIII)
Personal Quote: What does your heart tell you?


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justwh22 Featured By Owner Jul 14, 2011  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Thanks much for the fave
Rusembell Featured By Owner May 17, 2011  Hobbyist Digital Artist

Thanks for your watch to my DA.Unfortunately I had to change my account and will be updated from this other DA :iconrusembell:.

if you still interested in following me, I'll be very grateful :dummy:

Thanks! :hug:
Anicardios-Crew Featured By Owner Jul 7, 2011
WarthogDemon Featured By Owner Jul 10, 2011   Writer
Where's your new account?
nahp75 Featured By Owner Mar 14, 2011
Thx for :+devwatch:

getfckd Featured By Owner Mar 4, 2011
Thanks fer watchin!
Anicardios-Crew Featured By Owner Mar 4, 2011
joume Featured By Owner Mar 1, 2011  Hobbyist General Artist
hi dude im online
Anicardios-Crew Featured By Owner Mar 1, 2011
yeah but me was late ><
joume Featured By Owner Mar 4, 2011  Hobbyist General Artist
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