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well..not really. just trying to update a little. I will keep this account because of the wonderful comments I have on some of my work, from people whom I sorely miss and respect greatly.
I have been horrible about updating, replying, etc. I keep promising to turn over a new leaf, but instead it seems I just get busier. it has not been for nothing though. I have found myself becoming completely immersed in what I love most about life, that being art, and music..and of course Joji. who is very vocal about his demands..and that is mostly "DADDY DADDY DADDYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!"
so it's already August. I have survived Joji's second birthday. I will post perhaps one more deviation on this account, but on my new one..oh yeah:
angst4less.deviantart.com
I will be posting all of my new stuff. I dunno.. I might tie up some loose ends for this account, in terms of deviations. we'll see. in the meantime I will leave you with a tune I wrote for my son, it's called "Joji Let's Play!" see you soon!
love,
r
incidentally,
If you would like to purchase prints of my art, I have an account at:imagekind
  • Listening to: your heartbeat
  • Reading: your thoughts
  • Watching: the way you make the ceiling spin
  • Playing: with my mind
  • Eating: every moment with you
  • Drinking: in your smile
trying to reaffirm my online time has been a struggle. sorry if it seems like I made a bunch of empty promises way back in...October? Yeesh..time flies. I have not been idle. to the contrary, I have been more busy than ever. I am getting some work together for a show and I am also trying to get turntableconspiracy.com online. I will post a meesage here when I get it closer to completion. It has involved me getting my hands dirty doing some actual reading about how to do web design..something I am NOT cut out to do. I am just too darned chaotic and disorganized for that, but I shant whine anymore. I have too much to do. I will try to get something new up here to fill the dullness out completely. ;) stay warm, stay well. C-U-SOON! :hugs:
  • Listening to: your heartbeat
  • Reading: your thoughts
  • Watching: the way you make the ceiling spin
  • Playing: with my mind
  • Eating: every moment with you
  • Drinking: in your smile
kind of like an unearthed mummy. I am all half rotten and stuff. I think I need to change these bandages.

ah..hello. it's nice to be back, but my god these cobwebs! I will be cleaning up my gallery soon. If you fancy anything in it now is a good time to download.
My apologies to anyone who has dropped by and found me absent. To those who have been loyal friends throughout. I thank you. I have been in a tumult of sorts for the past couple of years. The tumult of course is not through, but I have found my way to a bit of driftwood which I can cling to. I realized after a while that I am incapable of doing everything I am asked. I try to be there for my friends, neighbors, strangers I meet..but then I noticed I was not paying attention to my own projects. Things have lapsed, and it was starting to get critical. I let several good opportunities pass to further my art, my writing, and my music. Being a Daddy is also a big job, and I have truly enjoyed it. Joji astounds me and I never grow tired of being with him. I feel sad when I dont get to see him. He is such a great person!

my music has taken some unexpected turns, since it has been one of the few avenues that I can still work on, usually long after everyone has gone to bed, when I am too tired to do anything else. I usually fall asleep mid-composition and wake up with headphone hair and a slobbery keyboard. you can now find my stuff on mog.com/angst4less and myspace.com/angst4less as well as some more at soundclick.com/angst4less for those of you who are interested.
as some of you may know I have been composing a soundtrack for my graphic novel Placebo 99. Which is fairly ambitious if you consider I dont know how to write music, or play an instrument. I use a program called fruity loops. it let's me compose, by ear, the music I hear in my head while I am writing, or painting and/or drawing panels for the graphic novel. Though lately I have really been into altering my compositions, and digitally breaking them, because they sound kind of cheesy to me. so some of it has been getting rather "experiMental" heavy on the mental.

poetry..well I haven't been writing it at all. sorry to those who were expecting a stash of revisions to be posted. I will write some. I do feel inspired to do so, but the words have not, as yet, coalesced. I will say my style has suffered a complete meltdown though. I note when I try to write poems lately, they are less lilty, and fluttery, and more like a cramp between your shoulder blades. I am not sure what has brought this change in vision, but well, I'll let you judge with the first few I post...when it happens. please be patient. I wish there were two of me..I have so many things going on at this moment, but at least they are all my things now.

though..I am still working on that grpahic novel with my friend Kiyan..we have both cooled on the project because other things took priority. with his permission I will post a few example pages here.

art. ah..thought I forgot didn't you? Painting...my style has also changed..and it still seems to be transitioning at the moment. But the direction it's been taking has been catching even me by surprise. I cant wait to get some of my newer paintings finished so I can show them! I'm not saying I'm some sort of innovative guy or anything...no, not at all, I'm just really excited about the way I sort of fell into this way of painting! I dont know how well it will translate in photographs, but in person..well it knocks my socks off..and I wonder how the heck I did that. In the meantime I will be posting some of my photoshop experiments and maybe a couple of wallpapers from Pla©ebo 99.
and finally.
I love you my friends. I thank you everyone who has stopped by my page, faved my work..I really appreciate it. It has been a little difficult working in a bubble. I dont get too much critique on my work, though I daresay that will change. as I finish my work I will be soliciting galleries..finally. I have a body of work now that I can present in several different style markets. The abstract is still my favorite..and it is the most dominant, however, it is now mostly used for establishing the tone of the painting. I find I am covering up some of the tasty bits of texturing ( with much hestitation) that I love so much, so that I can offer a nice stable solid colour to play my composition on. well..you'll see. I wont say I do it every time. I am not into formulas..but I do it sometimes..and sometimes I just go crazy and let it all happen on its own...I love to paint. I will also be posting some sculptures soon....but I am still working on creating the finishes I envision. I have been using found objects and well, basically, garbage to make these. I have been thinking lately about how much we waste as a society. I dont like it.

I will also be posting some tutorials. like how I paint with crayons. (there are some caveats..and I am sorry Maggiekat if you are still on DA..I promised you this tutorial a long time ago). I have been forced to develop some form of cohesion when I do some of my art, simply because I had to demonstrate it for someone, so it made me look at how i do it, and I would like to share. if anyone is interested. I know this is like a novella now..sorry about that. it has been a long time. I have missed you my friends. But I will do my best to be at least a more stable presence online. I do not think I will ever have the time to go deviation hopping for awhile ( if ever..sorry about that) but I will make a lameass attempt at some point..you can be sure.

those of you who have read this far...you are indeed true friends or gluttons for punishment. I hereby sentence you to :hug: :kiss:
thank you for dropping by!
  • Listening to: your heartbeat
  • Reading: your thoughts
  • Watching: the way you make the ceiling spin
  • Playing: with my mind
  • Eating: every moment with you
  • Drinking: in your smile
8 lbs 10.5 oz
21 inches head to toe
2:05 PM july 29th 2006

watch out world.
that the hate which taints the beauty of this world should suddenly evolve into a flower of sweetness. that people would stop feasting on the wasteful poisons of greed and consumerism. we are not here to dupe our fellow human being, the only one who gets fooled by that is the one who will later pay karma with interest. make a difference in the world today. give only love and leave sadness and despair for hollywood. I was going to write some vaguely mathematical formula..but hell I thought I'd get all mushy and philosophical instead.

wow. it's already 2006. 2005 was a blur, a strange red and yellow blur. I vaguely remember New Years 2005 as something I was unsure of, but it seems like it all turned out okay for me. I did not spontaneuosly combust and I actually accomplished something I have wanted to do my whole life.... no it wasn't updating my journal..though it seems like that at times. almost herculean. to sit and paste words together.  still I'm not gonna write a book..not here at least. I just wanted to emerge from my creative cocoon long enough to wish all my friends..and potential friends a happy new year. and since I really cant provide too much information about Placebo 99 which seems to be eating up my waking and sleeping time with little regard, I thought I would share some of my music with you. I write music when I want to uncramp my brain from formulating plot curves..hah! as if I even know what that means! See I dont "know" how to write, to draw, paint, write music. I truly dont. It's not some lie or semantic play on a concept. I honestly create by the seat of my pants. I "feel", or "intuit" the process at hand and let the medium take over. Often my dreams influence the process, but not always..sometimes it is a random bit of energy that just floats over and guides my hand. so before this gets any longer.

details: composed and created on my computer. no instruments. using Fruity Loops and Acid Pro. I did create some rhythm samples from vlf modulations of lightning on Jupiter, Saturn's rotation..stuff like that. It sounds like static, but when you chop it up it can be a snare..or whatever. Marble is a tragic character in
Placebo 99 but this concept bit was fitted with a new rhythm loop this morning. It sounds more upbeat than I had originally conceived, but meh. I guess it'll work for now. "Topper Riot" is a bit I wrote while thinking about string theory and particle migration and how it might affect world events ( ie the riots in france at the time) I initially imagined a reiteration of a sequence that changes as it migrates and perhaps some of the signal gets deflected into various dimensional phenomenon..WHA?!!..it's okay.. I dont even understand most of the time..I just let my fingers hit the keys at random, but i love making my computer think it's an electric guitar heh heh. Pop Damage is me making fun of myself. I tend to write dramatic little bits..and I worry sometimes that I might start sounding cheesy. I might put a rhythm to it one day if I get enough happy type feedback..but for now..it was a way to resolve my need to compose something that went too far. "always  my friend" I tried to send to all my friends before I left for Japan..but dial-up had other ideas..and I ran out of time. so please feel free to try it now. it's a little new-agey I'm told..meh. I wrote it for all of my friends who have been so patient with me..but I composed it as a homage to life who has been my friend since before I was born and whom I love very much. so without further harrassment please feel free to download. I will not be placing most of these in my other music sites..they are exclusive to this journal entry. I might post more as an update later..but for now:

geocities.com/angstforless/alw…

geocities.com/angstforless/mar…

geocities.com/angstforless/top…

geocities.com/angstforless/pop…

one of these days I'll actually learn to write music and compose properly. thanks to everyone who actually sits down to listen to my crudely fashioned caveman style. I truly appreciate it. Happy New Year my friends. I hope it is a good one for us all! :hug: ®
by way of explanation:
     I know I've said my apologies ad nauseum to my friends for being such a flake. But there are also people who have commented on my work, that I've neglected, unintentionally over the last few years. Not for any reason but a lack of time. I usually spend my time on DA rapidly perusing the deviations list in my message area, intending to write a brief but meaningful comment on each one. Instead I usually end up sidetracked with research projects. The nature of these projects I will do my best to reveal soon. I will give a little glimpse by journals end of the projects I am involved in. Then perhaps my apologies might make more sense.

     In the meantime I wish to send out a million hugz to everyone who still thinks kindly of me after all my flaky tendencies. I believe it shows a true commitment to our friendship and I do not take that lightly. Thank you. I endeavor to return in kind, the benefit of such a supportive relationship. I believe in each and every one of you.

Thumbnail sketches:
I know I've whined incessantly to anyone who would listen, that 42 days in Japan was not enough! I got drunk on the place and am in the middle of the reality hangover.  It was 42 days of thumbnail sketches and a book full of blank paper. the only marks made in my journal after the first three days were quickly scrawled email addresses, and attempts at communicating concepts. The visual thing works when my lack of vocabulary becomes an impedence. I also made little shopping lists of people's interests and observances about the things they generally favor to help me in designing gifts to send. I met so many really nice people, who went far out of their way to help me in one respect or another.

Truth be told though, I know it comes off as though I am a spoiled, self-centered brat. 42 days!! That's way more "vacation" than some people get in their entire lifetime. I went to places some people who live in Japan will probably never get to visit. I can gripe all I want about how much I wished I could've stayed longer in each spot, to savor the nuance of each new discovery. I learned a lot about Japan, and myself in those few weeks, and even so I wanted more. Japan is a beautiful country, and it has a richness in the culture that permeates even the contemporary settings. I think it's probably something that you would find in any of the older cultures. Places with a history longer than 200 plus years ( I know there are cultures that endured in America before it became "colonized" but sadly these cultures are not as evident due to the assimilative properties of modern American culture and a society born of convenience. It's still there, but it's buried pretty deeply and not as accessible as I found Old Japan to be.) It was everything and nothing that I had envisioned it to be. I went with no expectations per se, but you know you can't escape some of the preconceptions that infiltrate the common perception. I will write some of my "memoirs" (post partum) in the descriptions to the "snapshots" I will be posting in my scraps ( I will, soon, I promise, really! pronto. honto.) but I wanted to say, that I appreciated each and every day. And I appreciate where I am now even more, as a result of this journey. So let me explain where I am right now.

I had put my name into a lottery to be included for a project which, once completed will greatly benefit the artist community in Seattle. It is the rennovation of the old Rainier brewery. 3 artist co-ops are turning 3 of the buildings into artists living/work spaces. The end result will include recording studios occupied byJambox, a local recording company. An onsite Gallery and a host of other amenities that should bring a strong cohesive element to Seattle's art inclined. When I put my name in the lottery, I had no idea how I would finance this venture, but I have faith that life never hands you something that it doesn't provide a solution for.  Please remember, every crisis IS an opportunity, to learn if nothing else. I felt that if it happened, then somehow I would find the way to fund it. Upon my return from Japan I was greeted with the news that I had indeed been picked in the lottery. That I had a studio as soon as the developers gave us the 30 days notice then we had 2 months to complete build-out and get everything up to code to acquire a certificate of occupancy. This sudden induction into a group environment was an incredible learning experience for me. The dynamic is incredible, and I think it teaches you to organize and prioritize your energy in an entirely different sort of focus. I met some really incredible people, and suddenly I was very glad to be a part of this project, even though I had no idea how I could provide for it. Suddenly a solution presented itself, and it seemed things were progressing full speed ahead. I began to research in earnest and ALL aspects of my personal life got put on hold. And that's when things began to unravel. Balance, people, balance. That is the key to staying at an even flow. My mother had to go in for an operation, and it meant that I would need to be there for her. I am one of the few people she has available whose schedule is flexible enough to accomodate her transportation needs. And suddenly the funding ran into snags. Things which had been "pending" were stopped dead by bureaucracy. The improbable became impossible. Still I was determined. I got VERY serious about finding a solution. My determination was fierce, and it brought me some new avenues to explore for future development. But in the end, it was apparent, that as creative as my solutions were, they did not meet the requirements for sustaining the minimum commitment to my group. I consulted the I Ching, because I am the kind of person who will continue to the point of absurd unless told differently. I dont know if I am stubborn, or just dim witted..probably both. In any case, the creeping feeling was that as much as I wanted to continue this, it was not the honorable thing to do. If I continued, any problems caused by my error in judgement would not only affect me, but every person in my group, and to some degree the entire project. The I Ching basically said to "go with the flow" and let things pass as they should. I took the lesson in that. I understood that even though I did not achieve my goal. I had acquired a deeper understanding of my needs and my mission in general. I also got a better feeling for handling the interpretation of my vision responsibly. Sometimes we have to retreat to get a view of the entire field. At least this is my perception to this point. I still need a studio, desperately, but it's not so desperate as to thwart my ability to create as yet. The next part of my mission is being set into motion. I am seeking some gallery showings, and I am organizing various lines of distrbution for my other endeavors. what other endeavors? ah..this is the part I alluded to at the beginning of this rather long-winded entry.

my projects:

Of course, my paintings which most of you know about. I still do these. I cant imagine stopping any time soon, but then who knows? I recently completed a mask which will be featured in a showing for the Puget Sound Blood Center. Their "Faces for Life" display will be in the Bellevue Square in February. The masks will be sold at auction and on their website.  I will give more information when I post pictures of the finished mask later.

Some of you might know (especially if you visited my horrible excuse for a site) that I compose music too. I recently had one of my tunes used in a movie. Granted it was a film school project and it will probably not be seen in any great distribution. I did not make any money on the deal, since I lent it to a friend, but it was fun to have it featured in the ending credits. More music news to come..keep reading!

Speaking of my horrible excuse for a site. I am currently shopping for a host, since I did manage to generate a little surplus as a result of my frantic attempts to provide for my "almost loft" As we speak I am familiarizing myself anew with Dreamweaver, et al things Macromedia to make your angstforless.com viewing experience more pleasureable, or at least more user friendly. (thank god if I never see that horrible template again!)

I am making a flash short...and composing the music for it..but this is way..way..in the worx. so right now let's just put this under concepts. I still need to get the hang of coding.

I have been writing again! Yeah, I know I had a dry spell, well not really, but I just wasn't pushing out every hastily scrawled stream of conciousness into the collective ether. No, I haven't been hoarding them either. I just refrained from spelling everything out. They have been simmering in little vats of encrypted squigglys, waiting to be set to a rhythm. but not only pomes (as in the "prose to follow" pieces for the likes of ice water blanket..etc) I have been working on something of a larger magnitude. in fact, it is something which is kind of boggling to me in the size of its conception and the amount of research involved. WHAT?

Ah..so glad you asked. I am working on a Graphic Novel. ( I hear some of you snicker, "who isn't working on a graphic novel on DA!") Okay, fair enough. I'm no PaulFresh by any stretch, so please dont try to "draw"(ha ha art pun!) any comparisons..even though I would be greatly flattered to be listed in the same sentence.
My graphic novel is called Placebo 99. It is about a girl with schizophrenia. I hope to use the story as a medium for information about this much misunderstood illness. Details..may follow, but I will need to finish putting some of the legal stuff together. I want to share it, but I also know that it is too important to just blow it on a half-assed concept or to have a fragment sensationalized into someone else's half guessed concept story. I will say this. I am composing a soundtrack to be distributed with the novel. At the beginning of each chapter I will offer facts about schizophrenia and related illnesses. I am working with several non-profit groups to compile information and hosting for a site linked to this project which will feature links to info, sources, and support groups. The novel will be done in the manga style, with my own character designs, naturally. I am currently teaching myself Kanji, Hiragana and Katakana so that I can render two versions. One in English and one in Nihongo.
If anyone else needs further linguistic translations, please contact me so I get a good idea of the scope of demographic. I am sincere about making this a possible "open source" type project because I feel that it is too important to limit to my inadequacies to translate. Hopefully I can offer a better sample of what this story will entail soon.

I have several T-shirt and other various product designs waiting to be uploaded to my Cafepress account, but the REALLY cool stuff will have to wait for my site to be up. I'm not going to give everything away yet, but I have some really fun designs and projects and Cafepress wont even come close to the scope I want to offer. I will also be featuring DIY projects so if you dont feel like buying my junk, you can make your own..because honestly, that's where the real fun comes in.

okay..if you haven't gone cross-eyed yet..get up and move away from your computer for a little bit. Stretch and get something to drink. I'll try to be back online soon and fill in some of the gaps, upload some more pictures, and woah, even return comments. forgive me? thank you! arigato! merci!
gracias! danke! ca'm O'n! xie xie! Kiitii!--ciao! :)
hmmm..in a way. In some ways Japan felt like home. I will write a more comprehensible entry tomorrow ( maybe comprehensible, maybe tomorrow). It took me less time to adjust to Tokyo time than it did to re-adjust to Seattle time. I managed to dodge an earthquake and two typhoons. I will be posting pictures..some postcardy, some trivial perhaps..but I just want to share some of what I saw. Japan is a beautiful country and there are many good people living there. I would like to live there one day. Fuji was an interesting experience, but my advice to those who would climb it. Do it in one day (the huts are too expensive and you never really get to sleep), bring your own food ( in small containers because you have to carry all of your garbage) and wear a diaper..because it's 200 yen a squirt at the top and there's not another toilet until the 7th level on the descending route. and I was wrong when I wrote that last entry. I didn't die, I just got regurgitated. I'm still squishy afterall.
ciao4nyao bellas!
®obert
Hi,
Yeah it's been awhile again. I have to say..planning a trip like this is detrimental to free time. As if I've had much of that recently anyway. I joked with someone recently that it's almost like I'm dying or something..the way all the loose ends need to be tied. and in a metaphoric sense I suppose it is indeed a death of a sort. I have never been to Japan. Yet I dreamt of it nightly when I was younger ( not so much these days) these vague impressionistic dreams. Not at all kids dreams, just a series of imagery, not so much a story line. So that part of me that waits in the land between will meet the part of me that embraces tomorrow after a very long flight. I have no expectations, rather I have no idea what the meeting will be like. I have studied Japan for a number of years, but I confess I am still ignorant withall. I will be taking a lot of pictures while I am there and I hope to post the best ones here.  I will also be riding my bike, and soliciting some galleries while I am there...oh and climbing Mt Fuji!. Yeah..it's going to be Fun! I am sorry if anyone felt slighted by my absence. It was not intentional, and in fact I had a hard time staying away. I truly love all of my friends on this site, and it sucks that I cant visit more often now that I am finally in a happy spot..unfortunately..needs must be met. There is work to do..and tons of it. But well, after my resurrection in September, we'll see what kind of coalesence takes place in my being. I sense a change in the air. I feel myself shifting again, so I know change is inevitable. I welcome it. I have been in this current region of development for several years, but I see it as coming to a close. This is the beginning of the next step. Wish me luck! I'll see you all in September! Love ya!
®
Hmm. I realize I have been more than a little flaky since I started this whole Angst4less Studios thing. OH that's right I forgot to say. I've started my own business. I finally gave up working for someone else as a bad habit. Unfortunately the downside is operating capital. It takes alot to stay in business and needs creativity to legally make it work. So I have been devoting MANY hours trying to keep myself in business and therefore, neglecting my friends, families, loved ones. My deepest apologies. So I lost my old PC as you might know. But now I have a new one....upgrade people, believe me, you will LOVE the difference. so to current news:
I got featured in today's Stranger in their visual arts section.

I have a whole lot of new art to post..as well as news and links to fun stuff I have been working on. Thank you to everyone who has faithfully remained my friend during this transitionary period. I hope you still feel it is worth it. I will of course be gone for 45 days July 27th-September 6th. I am going to JAPAN!!! I hope to take alot of pictures there, and yes I will be riding my fold-up bike alot. (º __º )/
ciao4nyao bellas! I will do my best to be back shortly.
4now
®
been busy ...up to no good I suspect..sorry for the delay in presence. I'm like the lag time signal from a deep space probe.....sending.







www.brownpapertickets.com/even… if you want to see one of the projects I'm involved in.
apologies for lack of interaction. I am for the time, without a computer. I have donated mine to be used for someone else's education. I will return as soon as I can purchase a new computer. in the meantime, my best wishes to you all. I will be checking in from time to time as I am able. :) :rose:
fireworx are not for eating or lighting cigs. I hope some have received the small token of my gratitude. more to come soon.
see you on my return. I have a wedding to attend.
back on the 8th. ciao for niao.




:tribute:
fireworks are not for eating, or lighting cigs. always place firecrackers down before ignition. lighting fourteen roman candles at the same time only sounds fun, doing so ruins the single spectacle and may maim one for life. spending summer vacation in intensive care is not really as cool in retrospect. so I have a wedding to go to. hope some have received a little token of my high regard. more to come of course. I wish you all a safe and happy holiday. see you on my return.
:blowkiss:





:tribute:
more like the practical application of placement.

it occured to me while meditating today, okay maybe I wasn't meditating exactly, more like sanding a piece of junk plywood in preparation for yet one more bid on exploration of the Id. a junk acrylic persona with a satiny gold leaf memory. I was busy getting splinters implanted on my palms when I looked at the wood, it just sat there like a bump on a log...no more like the log on a bump. Being wood, and here I was sanding away trying to make it fit into my ideal. It would never be that. This particular piece was of a less than premium nature donated to me by someone who was desperate to rid their yard of what  had to be several years fo scrap accumulation. The smooth side had several of those eye-shaped plugs where they never match the wood grain, and the other side, marred only by a couple of knots was like the untamed Splinter City of the frontier days, saloon brawls, killing in the streets and about a quarter inch of my epidermis lying like a drunkard on main street, forlorn and missing the local thumb which had left only moments earlier. I remember when I was younger, okay maybe about 8 hours ago, how it was all about the finish. The end of the project in mind. Goal set, focus go, finish reward, of discovery and the satisfaction of accomplishing my concept. without ever giving thought to the surface on which I would apply my imaginations whim. One could say a painting is only as good as the base on which it is painted, but what is the measure of that really? Those of you who know me, are probably sick of my wandering metaphors, so I'll try to shorten this a bit. So I stopped sanding, staring at the wood and breaking several woodworking rules for  craftsmanship. I saw the splinter strewn landscape as unique to the piece, and enhancement to the art which drew from a source beyond my reckoning. With this concept I began sanding each contour for its own merit. Splinter City tamed to a farming community, of terraces and thatch roof houses. I stared thoughtfully for a moment at the wood, which to my surprised gleamed back at me under a sudden tempting peak of sunshine which crept through the partially opend door next to me. I was amazed at the change this piece of donated wood
had undergone. One concept had changed my approach and totally altered the outcome of whatever finished product would be produced. I wonder if perhaps the art is only as good as the surface, and perhaps the surface is only as good as our understanding of it. change happens in each breath, what are you thinking right now? be mindful.






:tribute:
a million excuses for not meditating. it's tough to make tiime for something so "unproductive". sounds like just about every time I want to meditiate. oddly tho once we meditate productivity takes on an effortless aspect not noticed under the unruly hustle and bustle of our everyday concerns. the first step must be simple enough to keep us from tripping over our ego ridden angst. so we must first find that place where meditation becomes possible. The breathe. Be mindful of each breathe, disengage yourself from the little scurrying thoughts that each want to set up  their own Palace inside your dome. just place your attention on your breath. Not easy to do I can hear some thinking, but just try it...if you actually succeed you will find something amazing.  it is palpable, and it actually moves your mind into a quietness that stops ego in its tracks, if but for a second, and sets the mind at ready for the next step...........breathe. change happens in each breath.

stay tuned. :)  a :rose: for you a buddha to be.






:tribute:
fix yourself. if you want to fix yourself. meditate.

don't know how? stay tuned. :) :rose:






:tribute: visit corporatewhore, piggleteus,justb, Evad, epitomei and yes lilmissle is back. :heart: :w00t!:
under a Bush. Nobody giveS A DDAMn.

if this war is for FREEDOM why is anyone exercising that right wrong? I saw a clever editorial cartoon recently. something about being stuck in the middle, but with slogans like "You're either with us or against us" how can there ever be a middle ground? I would simply like to express a simple physics lesson now, dont worry I'll leave out the advanced equations and fractal geometry, simple...we're talking Isaac Newton here..."Every action has an equal and opposite reaction". Now this may be seen as karma or whatever, and it certainly applies as quirky as only quantum physics can be, but I would think this fact alone would be a reason to think hard before applying enormous pressure to an area already suffering from stress fractures. I am through speaking out about how wrong everything is. If it is not evident then nothing I would ever say could change that, and many a "pro war" person has made my point all the more eloquent without ever having to cast an inflection of emphasis from weary vocal chords. I think the world will need healers soon. I dunno, maybe I'm just getting idealistic. maybe this is all just part of a greater plan. something Darwinian nd reverse evolutionary about this whole event. Survival of the fittest may be a strong argument for cockroach superiority. It would have been nice to see another century of human development though. *hugs* to anyone who stopped by and read..hell.. hugs to EVERYBODY.. I think it would be a good thing. :)
remember what you love about life. share it with everyone you meet.
I ever have a gallery showing in this town, I will call it "not quite ready for Cornish".. or "Not good enough for Cornish". Because my transcripts did not indicate much in the way of "formal art education".........wha? Okay I'll be the first to admit my educational goals have changed over time.. the only reason I ever pursued a Chemical Engineering degree in the first place was to make someone else happy ( bad move, never do that unless you share the dream, or you will live with much regret.)..didn't the GPA count for anything, I commit myself to any course of study, and the fact that I had not only samples of painting, drawing, digital art and sculpture did not seem to count as "formal art" because I taught myself. Does this mean we should not aspire to be autodidactic? The only true education comes from an accredited university with no less than a $30,000 a year tuition?*tumble weed rolls by* okay.. I'm talking to myself..;) sorry for having been gone for so long. I will be posting some of my portfolio pieces, in case anyone wanted to see them, and I will be online semi regularly now, but I did mean what I said. Despite the rejection, I will continue to paint and create, because.. I have to.  I am not content to be a Joe Corporate, even tho it seems I keep getting sucked back into latte heaven....be back up in a bit my friends.. thank you for stopping by and being so darned patient. *Big Fat HUG* you all rock my socks!!
it's been very busy and I apologise profusely to anyone who has made comment, or has dropped by with nothing but some stupid comments about clayboards. I hope it will lighten up a little after I show my portfolio (wish me luck). I will either be going or not going and I guess either way I've commited myself to creating and designing art, that's the only way I will ever be satisfied with my life. Even as busy as it has been tho I took time to march for peace yesterday, because it is not american troops I oppose but the kind of stupidity that would put those brave individuals in harms way, that would threaten not just Iraq and the US but the whole world with ill conceived and childish posturing. honestly, what is the point? really. security is a myth, your human rights are not solvent and foreign policy isnt. time to look at a bigger picture and take that knife away from our collective throat. unless of course it's extinction that's the real impetus. *climbs off soapbox*.. I will not rankle further with the good people here. I know sensibility speaks much in this community but we do need to communicate to the world that this is not the legacy for humans to leave, at least the dinosaurs left oil...in fact I blame every one of those little bastards for dying where they did. ;)  Hope to be online soon!! in the meantime please forgive me.



:kiss: :gummybear: