This time of the year, I would usually make some joke about how if you ever masturbated to my photos you should consider getting me a Christmas gift, yadda yadda yadda. This year I'm going to change it up and be THAT person, you know, that person that overshares about their personal traumas on Facebook.
Yes, I've always been fairly upfront about the things I've endured, but I make a point not to lament about them or make a social media sideshow out of them. This year, I'm fucking lamenting, I've goddamn earned my booth on the fairway.
My parents were/are, on the micro-level, two of the worst people to have ever existed. As the eldest, I took the brunt of their awfulness and have the PTSD diagnosis to prove it. My mother still sends me hateful emails and death threats even though I haven't spoken to her since she kicked me out in high school. I over-extend myself for affirmation from others and never think I'm worth the things I want and even need. I feel like I'm constantly lying, especially when I try to open up to people so I just avoid it and try to stay detached. Thanks mom and dad!
I have 9 siblings. I am the oldest. I legally took custody of one of my brothers several years ago and continue to financially and emotionally assist the rest. It is fucking exhausting. It is made more so by the fact that taking on the role of mom is super lonely because taking on that role means being selfless because children don't owe you shit. Nonetheless, it's hard to see yourself devoting so much time, energy, and money without reaping the same benefits from somewhere yourself. I in no way resent my siblings; it brings me immense joy that I am able to help them in ways I wish someone could have been there for me. I just... feel very alone with a scoop of self-pity thrown in.
If I'm not in a relationship I don't have a shoulder to cry on, no one is assisting me with problems, and I'm most likely not getting Christmas presents. It sucks. For some reason, it feels more sucky than the other years.
So, if you have the disposable income AND you masturbate to my photos, I would totally dig receiving a gift from you because who doesn't like gifts?
Hi. Check out this list: www.amazon.com/gp/registry/wis…
Addendum: This is not to say there's not people in my life that care about me; there are lots of people that show me care and kindness and have my well-being in mind. I'm just terrible at asking for/ accepting/ embracing it. I internalize a lot and downplay my feelings; it's that whole lack of self-worth thing in action. This post isn't meant to ignore those people but to put myself out there to followers beyond "here's my butt."
Photo by jessepaulk
Model is AngieMarieDreams
Bodysuit by @pinkmoonprophecy / @cataclysmique
Check-out the full set HERE
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