literature

How to Assassinate Ridcully

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AndrewSalt's avatar
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Literature Text

Introduction:
This little piece of fan fiction was my entry in a Discworld Monthly contest that gave the participants the challenge to explain how they would assassinate the nigh-unkillable Achchancellor Mustrum Ridcully. I was fortunate enough to win this contest, and am quite proud of what I came up with. However Deviant Art does not appear to support PDF format (or maybe I just can't figure out how to get it to work), so I am afraid that in order to read this you will have to use the link I am providing below.
[link]

Backstory:
A while ago Discworld Monthly hosted a contest in honor of the release of the Hogfather movie. The contest was a sort of search for the next Jonathan Teatime, and gave the participants the challenge to explain how they would assassinate the nigh-unkillable Achchancellor Mustrum Ridcully. I was fortunate enough to win this contest, and am quite proud of what I came up with.
What we have here is a sort of short story that I wrote. It is in PDF format, and is about 1 1/2 Megs in size, so give it a little time to load. Aside from the story it contains a fair amount of image manipulation, from the cover art to the images throughout the text. I did not draw any of the images you see in it, but I did spend a lot of time Photshopping it together from found images. I hope you enjoy this, I received quite a lot of positive feedback about it, so I think you will.

Some people have expressed disappointment that they are not able to view the PDF (even with the link) So I am adding the indvidual pages to Deviant Art as images.

Cover Page - Page 1 - Page 2 - Page 3
© 2008 - 2021 AndrewSalt
Comments33
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GammaCavy's avatar
*Applause*. You, sir, have a terrifying mind indeed. I can see why you won teh contest.

Loved your writing, thanks for sharing.

doctormo's avatar
A very fine read sir.
EEHills's avatar
Inventive and well done.
GuesssWho9's avatar
He found a plan even better than Teatime's, it's a miracle! :D
A marvellous piece of work, although I don't think they would want to upset Death by interfering with his work so, after all, he is their stock in trade. Apart from that, the art is beautiful, and the idea is original, very well done indeed.
AltoClarinetist's avatar
I'd love to see him try this plan. I am very glad my roommate was not sleeping when I was reading about the ingredients, Heck, it's a miracle I didn't wake anyone else in the building laughing.
AndrewSalt's avatar
I'm glad you enjoyed it, I had fun writing it.

WritingBunny's avatar
Very good!
I wonder how the would-be assassin would react to running into Albert in Death's realm.
AgProv's avatar
Oh... wow. What can I say apart from "this is perfection?" I've already put up a link to this piece on the L-Space Wiki and urged my own group of Terry fans to come and see this near-perfect meeting of fan-fiction and fan-art (if you're OK about that.)

A lot of my own fan-fiction revolves around the Guild of Assassins and its doings and intricacies. the best of it has been kindly received and one or two fans have done me the ultimate favour of saying they cannot tell where Terry's voice ends and mine begins. (The best accolade a fanfic writer can get?).

With future fanfic in mind - could I quote from your piece as if it were an actual "real-life" document lodged in the Black Library? This would be in the context of a career Assassin who is also the Guild's resident teacher in Exothermic Alchemy (blowing things up) looking for new and interesting improvised explosives, and coming across the notes made by the Assassin Andrew Salt in the Black library. Naturally you would be credited and readers advised that the document from which I am quoting is not my invention - full credit would be given along with a link.

I write on FanFic.net under the name A.A. Pessimal. [link] should you wish to check my writing is good enough to be graced by yours.

With sheer astonishment and apprecviation of the thing of beauty you have crafted!
AndrewSalt's avatar
Sorry it has been so long sineI have checked comments here. If you still care, feel free to reference my work.

Assasinate Ridcully? b-b-but He's AMAZING!
ricorum's avatar
This is literally some of the best work I have ever seen. Well done.
AndrewSalt's avatar
Thanks, I am pretty proud of it
EducatedRodent's avatar
I like it that one whole page is devoted to his cruet, and an eighth of that to Wow-Wow Sauce
Veratai's avatar
This is awesome ;D
Bocaj-Claw's avatar
Very imaginative. It sounds well-researched.
deeSloth's avatar
Very well done, a good chuckle - as well as a seemingly plausible thing for an Assassin to have to get through to kill Ridcully. :P
MillieBee's avatar
My God! Teatime would be proud :XD:.
dbain15's avatar
that is amazing>., I especially loved reading about the failed assanation attempts, great stuff!
dbain15's avatar
Dammed broken keyboard, now its stuck their.... well it was supposed to be "assassination" not my hideously incorrect version:(
Jeminisoul's avatar
That's absolutely brilliant. Mr Teatime himself would be proud. (That is a compliment btw XD)
Mage-the-Observer's avatar
The detail given to Ridcully's lethal condiments on page 2 made this for me. Awesome stuff man.
AndrewSalt's avatar
Thanks.. I had fun writing it.
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