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Cat Cafe (daily day 14-16) by andaerz Cat Cafe (daily day 14-16) :iconandaerz:andaerz 104 9 Leader design sketch (daily day 13) by andaerz Leader design sketch (daily day 13) :iconandaerz:andaerz 72 3 Time to Let Go (daily day 12) by andaerz Time to Let Go (daily day 12) :iconandaerz:andaerz 207 6 Red Fisheye (daily day 11) by andaerz Red Fisheye (daily day 11) :iconandaerz:andaerz 119 2 Landscape Sketch 3 (daily day 10) by andaerz Landscape Sketch 3 (daily day 10) :iconandaerz:andaerz 172 6 Cloak Girl (daily day 9) by andaerz Cloak Girl (daily day 9) :iconandaerz:andaerz 137 4 Landscape Sketch 2 (daily day 8) by andaerz Landscape Sketch 2 (daily day 8) :iconandaerz:andaerz 61 6 Landscape Sketch 1 (daily day 7) by andaerz Landscape Sketch 1 (daily day 7) :iconandaerz:andaerz 102 8 Stella Design (daily day 6) by andaerz Stella Design (daily day 6) :iconandaerz:andaerz 125 10 Smoker (daily day 5) by andaerz Smoker (daily day 5) :iconandaerz:andaerz 86 3 Red Moon (daily day 4) by andaerz Red Moon (daily day 4) :iconandaerz:andaerz 126 7 Guy Portrait Thing (daily day 3) by andaerz Guy Portrait Thing (daily day 3) :iconandaerz:andaerz 41 1 Forceful Stare (daily day 2) by andaerz Forceful Stare (daily day 2) :iconandaerz:andaerz 178 4 Rose Design Sketch (daily day 1) by andaerz Rose Design Sketch (daily day 1) :iconandaerz:andaerz 69 2 Horned Fellow by andaerz Horned Fellow :iconandaerz:andaerz 57 5 Saber Sketch by andaerz Saber Sketch :iconandaerz:andaerz 79 1

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So for the last few months I haven't been drawing, or at least I've been drawing infrequently and for short periods of time. I've been procrastinating and have generally have had a terrible relationship with art. If I'm honest, the thought of drawing terrifies me, the thought of uploading something to the internet terrifies me also, and I guess that isn't a good sign. 

I have for years had pretty low self-esteem, crazy social anxiety and perfectionism. I constantly feel like when I draw I need to achieve a certain quality with every illustration, and when I inevitably mess up the drawing and can no longer figure out how to improve it I freeze, I stop working on it completely for weeks or even months. Whenever I begin a drawing I feel like it needs to have a "good enough" of a composition, which means figuring out a complex mess of values, colors, design, perspective, posing, originality, etc. which scares the hell out of me. I even used to do that thing of writing negative words such as "bad" "shit" "trash" and "what the hell is wrong with you" etc. next to most of my sketchbook drawings for a while. When it comes to posting something online the same thing happens, I feel like the upload piece needs to be "good enough", and even then I can't help but to feel like people must hate it, they must think that the style is weird, that the subject matter is strange, etc. Same goes for commissions. When a piece is not going as well as expected, I freeze, I start missing deadlines and screw people over. Obviously I know that all of this is irrational, but the fear and negative habits and thinking is still there.

So to get to the point, I've always wanted to do one of those 30 day challenges, stuff like Inktober or the recent Mermay, etc. I even tried doing it in 2017, but ended up messing up two of the drawings very badly, didn't post, missed a day and gave up. So here's my 30 day challenge: I will upload a sketch (30min-2h tops) every day no matter how loose or bad or unfinished it might be. If I miss a day I'll post one of my older "not good enough" sketches instead. We could call it "Junexiety" or something... It starting on the 18th instead of the 1st seems appropriate lol. ^^

Have any of you ever dealt with irrational fears like this? What helped you overcome it?

Here is the picture for my first day, probably not even that bad, but when I thought of posting it I was kinda dying inside:
Rose Design Sketch (daily day 1) by andaerz

deviantID

andaerz
Max
Artist | Student | Digital Art
Latvia
Hello, I'm still getting back into drawing after a long break from it. If you have any questions feel free to ask, I will try my best to respond to anything and everything. And if you are willing to drop down a critique or opinion on my works I would greatly appreciate it. ^^

May you have a spectacular day!!!

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:icontheobliviousowl:
TheObliviousOwl Featured By Owner Edited Apr 18, 2019  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Hey I think your art is really great. Your work has this unique and wonderful personality that shines through in each and every piece. I'm an aspiring artist and we're both around the same age (I'm like a year older). Was wondering if we could be art buds, and offer each other critique, advice, encouragement and stuff?

I know that's like a totally weird question (uhhmm can we be friends? LOL) but I'm not a weirdo I swear. Just want some artist friends who work hard and have skill

Keep up the awesome work :)
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:iconandaerz:
andaerz Featured By Owner Apr 18, 2019  Student Digital Artist
Thanks, I think your works are really good too! I like your most recent one "Tiger". Those eastern looking shapes look really cool, I'm not sure what they're from.

Sure, hit me up any time. ^^
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:icontheobliviousowl:
TheObliviousOwl Featured By Owner Apr 22, 2019  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Sweet! You keep up the great work too buddy! 

Do you have any long term goals in mind when it comes to your art?
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:iconandaerz:
andaerz Featured By Owner Apr 23, 2019  Student Digital Artist
If we're talking long-term, I want to make a comic/ animation series. I have a lot of ideas for it, though so far I've only worked out the first outline & a bunch of minor things which isn't very much. I'm not working on it actively at the moment. But it's one of these projects that will take thousands of hours to finish so it's pretty intimidating. It would always be great if I could make a living off of it in the future, but it's something that I would like to do even if I don't make anything off of it.

Short/medium-term, I mostly want to work on my good & bad habits, get a bit more financially stable and work on expanding my skillset & quality. With drawing I'm currently trying to improve upon my environments & speedpaints/ sketching which I think are some of my weakest areas.

If I'm honest, I'm not really in a good place right now and I'm not drawing as much as I used to, but I'll get back into it.

What about you? I think somewhere in your dA you mentioned you just got out of your mandatory 2 year service, is that right? What are some of your goals from now on?
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(1 Reply)
:iconsuperkingnicolas:
SuperKingNicolas Featured By Owner Mar 2, 2019  Student General Artist
Dance Till You're Dead < me when I see you've uploaded 👌
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:iconandaerz:
andaerz Featured By Owner Mar 2, 2019  Student Digital Artist
lol thanks ^^
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:iconcaia-mei:
Caia-Mei Featured By Owner Jan 15, 2019  Hobbyist Digital Artist
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:iconmemod:
memod Featured By Owner Jan 3, 2019  Professional
Thanks a bunch, Max and Happy New Year! =] I am glad you liked my work!

Hope you had a good start into 2019? :#1:
Daniel
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:iconlashialee:
Lashialee Featured By Owner Dec 8, 2018  Hobbyist General Artist
My exams were stressing me out so i logged into Deviantart for the first time in a long time and saw that beautiful Pearl illustration you made. I feel inspired to draw now!! But I can't.. I must study. 
Anyways, nice to meet you and have a nice day. :)
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:iconandaerz:
andaerz Featured By Owner Dec 9, 2018  Student Digital Artist
Thanks a lot, I'm glad something of mine is inspiring somebody. Your works are really awesome, I would love to see more of your stuff once you are able to. Good luck with the exams! : )
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