If you look at a world map, you'll see a multitude of mountainous, dry countries to the east of India and China. These are the “stans”: Kharaabistan, Faqeeristan, Mazloomistan... Our focus falls on Mahroomistan, a landlocked puzzle piece easily mistaken for the surface of Mars.
During the Cold War, Russia was looking for more countries to envelop. One ambitious councilman said, “Hey, what about Mahroomistan?” They couldn't burrow any further into Europe without inconveniencing NATO, but they had a quota to meet, so before long tanks were rolling over the Mahroomi border.
We may liken the United States to a man in a suburb standing behind a picket fence watering his petunias. His neighbor, the USSR, walks up the street to Mahroomistan's house. Mr. Mahroomistan sits on his porch in a rocking chair smoking a pipe.
“Why hello Mr. USSR!” Mahroomistan said, “What brings you to-”
The USSR raises a gun to Mahroomistan's head and p