Hello there. I'm sorry to bother you but honestly, you shouldn't go around critiquing people's OCs unless they specifically ask for a critique. My grandfather just died this morning and it doesn't help having some shithead smartass coming and telling me that the character that I created to represent myself isn't good enough. Your critique is no different then those assholes that send hatemail. You have no right to tell people if they are or aren't good enough, especially if tthey didn't ask you.