Shop Forum More Submit  Join Login
About Deviant TefFemale/New Zealand Recent Activity
Deviant for 14 Years
Needs Core Membership
Statistics 138 Deviations 469 Comments 11,966 Pageviews

Newest Deviations

honesty and its fellows
As these tears,
drizzle down my cheeks..
as similar to,
the clotted pallor of ever whitening wrists.
I feel,
just numb,
nothing was worth it.
wasnt worth it,
the love,
wasnt worth it,
and most of all I wasnt worthy of you,
as you had another.
I wished good things for the two of you,
though I played piggy in the middle on those night,
those nights,
you cried, he cried,
and I,
well, I cried myself to sleep.
it wasnt worth it.
wasnt worth it,
the love,
wasnt worth it,
and most of all I wasnt worthy of you,
as you had another.
I feel like a betrayer,
knowing my feelings for you both,
yet not telling,
when I did tell,
all hell broke loose.
like limbs,
limbs flying in the air, fists,
verbally hitting eachother blindly,
blood pouring,
I'm sorry,
sorry I hid my truths,
sorry it took them so long to surface,
sorry I distubed the peace.
but after all,
what is ever worth it,
well - - love IS,
however, lost it may be for me, as I seemingly choose wrong,
:iconamythestindrowning:Amythestindrowning 0 2
youngme by Amythestindrowning youngme :iconamythestindrowning:Amythestindrowning 3 3
Oh the things we do for love,
the way we feel,
that tingle,
that drag,
so happy,
so sad,
confusion setting in,
that want,
to please the other,
not in the way most first jump to,
but the way that shows they mean something,
and something dear.
the 'bans',
light hearted jokes, that turn,
turn into evil plots,
hold off..
just let it wait,
to try, get through one time,
just that one,
without letting them surface,
easier said than done.
the pretending hurts,
feels odd, and manipulating,
gives us tight stomach,
seemingly lurching from fear,
reality bites,
it really does,
truth, lies, love.
all lead to pain
the pain of not having,
the pain of want,
the pain of hurt,
the pain of loving.
the roundabout way we all long,
all want,
the way we seek,
that perfection
our ideal
the idea of a soulmate,
even if we dont believe it
its so unfair, just how hard oceans can be,
though longing holds on tight,
the distance seems to pull
and tighter
on heartstrings
:iconamythestindrowning:Amythestindrowning 2 2
familiar ruts
familiar ruts
deep down,
into those familiar ruts
lying in this dirt,
which used to cake me,
which now seeps back onto me,
making me back into filth,
layering me down,
dragging me to its depths
it's honestly not you,
all i want is you,
you do not do this to me
having the ties,
strangled and bound,
keeping me in this filth,
an unthinking,
deglorifying and putrid way to live
i hate it
it keeps me here,
locked in my own mind,
terrifying me,
losing me all my loved ones,
except those,
those who i hide it from
it doesnt scare them
but, those i care enough to tell,
they run,
not sure what to say,
living in self-blame,
thanks to me,
the freak
i caused it,
i cause their pain,
influencing their lives,
im a bitch
i wish, in a way i could leave,
it would allow them to live better lives,
lives where,
i do not hinder anyone
live that, are, unrestrained by my flaws
my imperfections, my death,
killing relationships,
i thought i had,
love i thought i knew
:iconamythestindrowning:Amythestindrowning 0 4
take it, leave it, you get me
Those sunshine rays,
beating through your window,
soft pallor of your face.
the kissed tone of your skin,
the way our looks catch eachother,
that feeling deep within.
our faces changing,
becoming flushed,
those flutter emotions, ranging.
Want, Need, Love.
Its you I think about,
each and every day,
that look, a slight sly scout.
No need to talk,
just look at me like you do,
lets go for a walk.
We need not words,
we do just know,
sky high like birds.
Think, Breathe, Touch.
the distance, our fear,
though deep in thought,
our love right here,
deep in our heart(s).
all new to me,
the wonderful freshness of you,
this stunning outpour I see.
please be mine,
we both say,
our hearts once hurt, strangled by vine.
I mean what I say,
and believe it I do,
if tihngs go our way,
it'll be all true.
:iconamythestindrowning:Amythestindrowning 2 1
Breast Cancer awareness by Amythestindrowning Breast Cancer awareness :iconamythestindrowning:Amythestindrowning 1 2
If only I could see as they see,
those rose tints,
making things bearable,
making love possible.
God lost my order
the trivial little things i lack,
given to others,
just to flaunt,
to flaunt in my face.
He lost my order once more
I got some glasses,
but mine are different,
not rose colored,
just pure white
Fucking messed up orders
Why bother caring,
my tinit is broken,
along with spirit,
so kill me
my order was fucked
stupid frivolity,
my losses,
no love, just hate,
living? no.
my order was misread
Do i look like others,
do i get their physique?
no, just this,
stupid and ever-so-bleak
why did my order get lost?
Why does it seem,
that noone cares,
yet if i ask, several rush,
to be that 'one' who says they do
damned tints on their glasses
i missed my order, it was lost in the post, he doesnt care..
damn god.
:iconamythestindrowning:Amythestindrowning 0 3
Bridgonette by Amythestindrowning Bridgonette :iconamythestindrowning:Amythestindrowning 1 1
Nothing told,
nor repeated,
noone cares,
whether I'm bleeded,
my life worth just nothing,
noone to care,
I must be skanky ho,
to have noone here,
noone to look after me,
shelter me from pain,
you know who I'm attacking,
if you don't, use your brain,
I'm not good enough,
to do the job,
I guess being tough,
just doesn't rack,
I'm sick of this,
the sharp pain in my back,
the work of backstabbers,
going all behind you,
not a care in the world,
just to annoy you,
people won't see me anymore,
as noone wants me,
no point to coming,
or going,
no point to be,
I'm useless
Useless me.
:iconamythestindrowning:Amythestindrowning 1 1
words of attack,
hatred and back,
always this way,
each, every day,
I want it to stop,
to just fall, drop,
why does he hate me,
why dont thing just work,
to stop and to hear,
he doesnt even care,
i try tell him my view,
he says "SCREW YOU",
tactics tried,
my eyes cried,
it still doesnt work,
am i the jerk,
too nosey it seems,
hatred in rheems,
close family, no way,
no reason to stay,
I should just leave,
it would be much better,
to talk with them, via letter,
they blame it on one thing,
but in truth its another,
all this damned conflict, oh brother,
I want to get along,
be tuned to same song,
but diffference,
is sufference,
they dont want me here,
to much hate, and fear,
stop, stop, STOP,
I cant handle it,
more fights tonight, stupid grit,
we all need to listen,
hear eaches words,
not block them out,
creating turmoil,
its too hard,
so much hate,
especially for me, noone to date,
i am undateable,
'cos, only with me does it
:iconamythestindrowning:Amythestindrowning 2 4
Siam by Amythestindrowning Siam :iconamythestindrowning:Amythestindrowning 0 5
Number One
Roof atop,
That feeling of pure high,
feeling like you could touch the sky,
The first, initial meet,
the soon blazing heat,
The nervous chatter,
and restaurant clatter,
his smiling eyes,
my suprise,
More than expected,
a pure gentleman,
a first date.
:iconamythestindrowning:Amythestindrowning 2 4
Thin Insomnia by Amythestindrowning Thin Insomnia :iconamythestindrowning:Amythestindrowning 0 0 haMeha by Amythestindrowning haMeha :iconamythestindrowning:Amythestindrowning 0 3 hahaMeha by Amythestindrowning hahaMeha :iconamythestindrowning:Amythestindrowning 0 1 recent as it gets by Amythestindrowning recent as it gets :iconamythestindrowning:Amythestindrowning 0 0

Random Favourites

Childhood by Katalisk Childhood :iconkatalisk:Katalisk 6 28 Empathy by LonelyBuddist Empathy :iconlonelybuddist:LonelyBuddist 1 0
Looks can be Deceiving
      Getting out of his car in the crowded parking lot, Benji is approached by an older woman.  "You can't park here," she says to the athletic looking kid wearing an old, small T-shirt from one of his sponsors, and loose fitting jeans.  She points to the handicapped parking spot.   
            As Benji walks into the brightly lit Perkins after the short encounter in the parking lot, he is greeted by congratulatory smiles and hi-fives from his friends and family.  He starts to blush, replying "Thanks y'all" before he sits down, wiping sweat from his forehead.  Benji is glad he is able to sit down and relax because he is still worn out from the race.  He did well, second place, but he is a little disappointed since he didn't get first place.
            Benji was thinking about the race on the way to Perkins.  He knew he could have won first place.  He knew he should have pushed himself harder.  He had started preparing for this race four months ago, daily workouts and weight l
:iconyouwithoutme:YouwithoutMe 3 8
::: Elysium ::: by slayryder ::: Elysium ::: :iconslayryder:slayryder 1,710 670 Manga Girl by madewithsadness Manga Girl :iconmadewithsadness:madewithsadness 14 25 Commission: Lil Ninja by bw-inc Commission: Lil Ninja :iconbw-inc:bw-inc 2,098 246 BLACK.WHITE.RED by bw-inc BLACK.WHITE.RED :iconbw-inc:bw-inc 6,491 785 Oliver Twist by wazabees Oliver Twist :iconwazabees:wazabees 3,384 1,244 Candybar by animegamer001 Candybar :iconanimegamer001:animegamer001 1 2 sohma yuki by weem sohma yuki :iconweem:weem 502 107 Sylvia by x2creator Sylvia :iconx2creator:x2creator 8 25 the center of the world_ by madewithsadness the center of the world_ :iconmadewithsadness:madewithsadness 15 40 full moon by 2jung1 full moon :icon2jung1:2jung1 72 35 doodle by Nishikawa doodle :iconnishikawa:Nishikawa 8 9 Symmetry by GrimAssault Symmetry :icongrimassault:GrimAssault 1 5



New Zealand


No journal entries yet.


Add a Comment:
ColdDemon Featured By Owner Aug 26, 2009
Back from the dead ha ha ha!
KiwisUnite Featured By Owner Apr 15, 2009
Hi there, I saw you were from New Zealand so I thought I would just pimp out this New Zealand club to you. [link]
You should come and check it out!
xxalchemistxx Featured By Owner May 6, 2008
thank you for fav :hug:
Add a Comment: