Shop Forum More Submit  Join Login
About Deviant Artist AmiraiUnited States Recent Activity
Deviant for 11 Years
Needs Core Membership
Statistics 164 Deviations 375 Comments 114,594 Pageviews
×

Newest Deviations

Supposedly Super page 15 by Amirai Supposedly Super page 15 :iconamirai:Amirai 21 11 Supposedly Super page 14 by Amirai Supposedly Super page 14 :iconamirai:Amirai 14 6 Supposedly Super page 13 by Amirai Supposedly Super page 13 :iconamirai:Amirai 16 3 Supposedly Super page 12 by Amirai Supposedly Super page 12 :iconamirai:Amirai 23 5 Supposedly Super page 11 by Amirai Supposedly Super page 11 :iconamirai:Amirai 23 6 Supposedly Super page 10 by Amirai Supposedly Super page 10 :iconamirai:Amirai 21 14 Supposedly Super page 9 by Amirai Supposedly Super page 9 :iconamirai:Amirai 29 5 Supposedly Super page 8 by Amirai Supposedly Super page 8 :iconamirai:Amirai 22 5 Supposedly Super page 7 by Amirai Supposedly Super page 7 :iconamirai:Amirai 23 15 Supposedly Super page 6 by Amirai Supposedly Super page 6 :iconamirai:Amirai 36 7 Supposedly Super page 5 by Amirai Supposedly Super page 5 :iconamirai:Amirai 28 8 Supposedly Super page 4 by Amirai Supposedly Super page 4 :iconamirai:Amirai 15 4 Supposedly Super page 3 by Amirai Supposedly Super page 3 :iconamirai:Amirai 29 9 Supposedly Super page 2 by Amirai Supposedly Super page 2 :iconamirai:Amirai 30 13 Supposedly Super page 1 by Amirai Supposedly Super page 1 :iconamirai:Amirai 35 15 Violetta walking animation by Amirai Violetta walking animation :iconamirai:Amirai 20 3

Favourites

fAIRY fLIES by Quirkilicious fAIRY fLIES :iconquirkilicious:Quirkilicious 4,880 156 Black Bat by Psuede Black Bat :iconpsuede:Psuede 866 24 Blue Glow by sakimichan Blue Glow :iconsakimichan:sakimichan 15,822 356 Dragon's Breath by 88grzes Dragon's Breath :icon88grzes:88grzes 16,182 520 Bei Jing Huan Ying Ni by TysonTan Bei Jing Huan Ying Ni :icontysontan:TysonTan 17,020 1,529 the bus is late by megatruh the bus is late :iconmegatruh:megatruh 8,052 296 Azure flower dragon by AlviaAlcedo Azure flower dragon :iconalviaalcedo:AlviaAlcedo 2,158 83 Cloud Regatta by RHADS Cloud Regatta :iconrhads:RHADS 2,897 64 Morning Veil by Smattila Morning Veil :iconsmattila:Smattila 151 20 Pierian spring by RHADS Pierian spring :iconrhads:RHADS 5,790 141 Cat's Soul by RHADS Cat's Soul :iconrhads:RHADS 4,193 140 Sweet Morning by RHADS Sweet Morning :iconrhads:RHADS 3,642 171 Speedpaint 100 by RHADS Speedpaint 100 :iconrhads:RHADS 4,647 98 Commission: Above The Clouds by RHADS Commission: Above The Clouds :iconrhads:RHADS 3,770 103 Za Drovami by RHADS Za Drovami :iconrhads:RHADS 4,418 148 Great Migration by RHADS Great Migration :iconrhads:RHADS 4,035 89

deviantID

Amirai's Profile Picture
Amirai

Artist
United States
Interests
So, sorry I haven't updated for a while. The reason is because basically, I've given up on hope. It's been a long time that I've been trying to deny it, but I can't anymore. I've been screwed and my health problems are only going to get marginally better at best. Many of the things I want most, like having the ability to work more than a smidgen, listen to music more than a very small amount, to have a relationship again... are just probably not going to happen. And that is an effing *brutal* thing to have to accept. I have to find some way to enjoy life despite my predicament, but... honestly, I don't know how to with how little I'm capable of and how I have to fight against blockades and difficulty almost every step of the way for even simple tasks.

I was also still holding onto some hope that somehow, through one of my projects I could crawl my way out of poverty. But though people like my stuff, I just can't work enough each day to succeed. Maybe someday my novels will become popular, but the first of them is still a ways away - which that was another component of my emotional breakdown because I've hit that awful place in writing novels where it gets incredibly hard. Every time I think I've worked out the logic of it all, like the magic system and the character arcs, I keep on finding more logical errors I hadn't noticed that break large chunks of the whole effing book, and after a while of that it's felt incredibly discouraging, like I've just been spinning my wheels making no progress at all despite the fact that I know my book keeps making more sense with every problem I fix. Holy *crap* does it amaze me that there are so many novels out there, because writing one can be flipping difficult! Plot holes are a major pet peeve of mine, but I understand why so many stories have them now.

Yet another part of what contributed to the emotional breakdown was recognizing that I've plateaued with my drawing skill with my left hand, which is infuriating. Drawing to me is like dancing, but I can't dance when I can't even draw a straight line at most angles. I'm fighting with my own clumsiness the whole way and it's just difficult. A battle. Which is exhausting.

So yeah... all of this stuff collapsed on me at once and I've been struggling to pick myself back up from it for a couple months. :(

I'm just tired, and my mental health needs tending to because it's gotten to the point where I can barely even get started working anymore each time I try to. I've been using distraction as a coping mechanism almost every waking minute for years, so it's not surprising that I have some work to do on the mental health front.

There is some good news, though. I've become able to do a very small amount of drawing with my right hand again, but it's so little all I can safely manage is to whip out quick sketches that I clean up with my left hand. There've been a few panels I sketched with my right hand here and there mixed in the previous few updates, but I didn't want to say anything about it until I'd managed it for a while.

Regardless, it's an improvement... but still marginal.

I need to rethink my process, stop using the hope of financial success as motivation and just enjoy the process, enjoy creating. And take care of the other things that need doing too.

As such, I'm taking some time off working on art for a while. I don't know how long it'll be. But I'll keep trying. Because my creative projects are some of the only things I have left that have any meaning or bring me happiness anymore, so I'll fight to regain my ability to work on them.

Thanks and I'll get back to it as soon as I can manage.

Journal History

Comments


Add a Comment:
 
:iconcda95:
cda95 Featured By Owner Mar 20, 2016
Not mention it was very traumatic for supergirl 
Reply
:iconcda95:
cda95 Featured By Owner Mar 19, 2016
But did you see what happened to supergirl in this week episode 
Reply
:iconamirai:
Amirai Featured By Owner Mar 19, 2016
Yep. That red kryptonite is serious stuff.
Reply
:iconcda95:
cda95 Featured By Owner Mar 18, 2016
Does kyoshi's pet beaverine have a name
Reply
:iconamirai:
Amirai Featured By Owner Mar 19, 2016
Yes, but she doesn't get named until later in the story.
Reply
:iconjmalfonso7:
jmalfonso7 Featured By Owner Jan 3, 2016  Professional Digital Artist
Happy New Year! Love your Avatar Kyoshi comics, keep it up!

Here is more of my Avatar fanart:

jmalfonso7.deviantart.com/art/…

Enjoy!!!
Reply
:iconkionatria:
Kionatria Featured By Owner Dec 31, 2015
Happy New Year, Amirai.
Reply
:iconamirai:
Amirai Featured By Owner Dec 31, 2015
Happy new year to you as well, Kionatria. :)
Reply
:iconkionatria:
Kionatria Featured By Owner Dec 25, 2015
Oh, btw, merry Christmas.
Reply
:iconamirai:
Amirai Featured By Owner Dec 25, 2015
Thanks! Merry Christmas to you as well! :)
Reply
Add a Comment: