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About Deviant Artist AmiraiUnited States Recent Activity
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Supposedly Super page 15 by Amirai Supposedly Super page 15 :iconamirai:Amirai 21 11 Supposedly Super page 14 by Amirai Supposedly Super page 14 :iconamirai:Amirai 15 6 Supposedly Super page 13 by Amirai Supposedly Super page 13 :iconamirai:Amirai 15 3 Supposedly Super page 12 by Amirai Supposedly Super page 12 :iconamirai:Amirai 23 5 Supposedly Super page 11 by Amirai Supposedly Super page 11 :iconamirai:Amirai 22 6 Supposedly Super page 10 by Amirai Supposedly Super page 10 :iconamirai:Amirai 21 14 Supposedly Super page 9 by Amirai Supposedly Super page 9 :iconamirai:Amirai 29 5 Supposedly Super page 8 by Amirai Supposedly Super page 8 :iconamirai:Amirai 22 5 Supposedly Super page 7 by Amirai Supposedly Super page 7 :iconamirai:Amirai 23 15 Supposedly Super page 6 by Amirai Supposedly Super page 6 :iconamirai:Amirai 36 7 Supposedly Super page 5 by Amirai Supposedly Super page 5 :iconamirai:Amirai 28 8 Supposedly Super page 4 by Amirai Supposedly Super page 4 :iconamirai:Amirai 15 4 Supposedly Super page 3 by Amirai Supposedly Super page 3 :iconamirai:Amirai 29 9 Supposedly Super page 2 by Amirai Supposedly Super page 2 :iconamirai:Amirai 30 13 Supposedly Super page 1 by Amirai Supposedly Super page 1 :iconamirai:Amirai 35 15 Violetta walking animation by Amirai Violetta walking animation :iconamirai:Amirai 20 3

Favourites

fAIRY fLIES by Quirkilicious fAIRY fLIES :iconquirkilicious:Quirkilicious 4,895 156 Black Bat by Psuede Black Bat :iconpsuede:Psuede 821 24 Blue Glow by sakimichan Blue Glow :iconsakimichan:sakimichan 15,918 355 Dragon's Breath by 88grzes Dragon's Breath :icon88grzes:88grzes 15,967 517 Bei Jing Huan Ying Ni by TysonTan Bei Jing Huan Ying Ni :icontysontan:TysonTan 17,135 1,528 the bus is late by megatruh the bus is late :iconmegatruh:megatruh 8,042 295 Azure flower dragon by AlviaAlcedo Azure flower dragon :iconalviaalcedo:AlviaAlcedo 2,169 82 Cloud Regatta by RHADS Cloud Regatta :iconrhads:RHADS 2,886 63 Morning Veil by Smattila Morning Veil :iconsmattila:Smattila 155 20 Pierian spring by RHADS Pierian spring :iconrhads:RHADS 5,787 140 Cat's Soul by RHADS Cat's Soul :iconrhads:RHADS 4,198 140 Sweet Morning by RHADS Sweet Morning :iconrhads:RHADS 3,649 167 Speedpaint 100 by RHADS Speedpaint 100 :iconrhads:RHADS 4,646 98 Commission: Above The Clouds by RHADS Commission: Above The Clouds :iconrhads:RHADS 3,755 103 Za Drovami by RHADS Za Drovami :iconrhads:RHADS 4,410 146 Great Migration by RHADS Great Migration :iconrhads:RHADS 4,018 89

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Amirai

Artist
United States
Interests
So, sorry I haven't updated for a while. The reason is because basically, I've given up on hope. It's been a long time that I've been trying to deny it, but I can't anymore. I've been screwed and my health problems are only going to get marginally better at best. Many of the things I want most, like having the ability to work more than a smidgen, listen to music more than a very small amount, to have a relationship again... are just probably not going to happen. And that is an effing *brutal* thing to have to accept. I have to find some way to enjoy life despite my predicament, but... honestly, I don't know how to with how little I'm capable of and how I have to fight against blockades and difficulty almost every step of the way for even simple tasks.

I was also still holding onto some hope that somehow, through one of my projects I could crawl my way out of poverty. But though people like my stuff, I just can't work enough each day to succeed. Maybe someday my novels will become popular, but the first of them is still a ways away - which that was another component of my emotional breakdown because I've hit that awful place in writing novels where it gets incredibly hard. Every time I think I've worked out the logic of it all, like the magic system and the character arcs, I keep on finding more logical errors I hadn't noticed that break large chunks of the whole effing book, and after a while of that it's felt incredibly discouraging, like I've just been spinning my wheels making no progress at all despite the fact that I know my book keeps making more sense with every problem I fix. Holy *crap* does it amaze me that there are so many novels out there, because writing one can be flipping difficult! Plot holes are a major pet peeve of mine, but I understand why so many stories have them now.

Yet another part of what contributed to the emotional breakdown was recognizing that I've plateaued with my drawing skill with my left hand, which is infuriating. Drawing to me is like dancing, but I can't dance when I can't even draw a straight line at most angles. I'm fighting with my own clumsiness the whole way and it's just difficult. A battle. Which is exhausting.

So yeah... all of this stuff collapsed on me at once and I've been struggling to pick myself back up from it for a couple months. :(

I'm just tired, and my mental health needs tending to because it's gotten to the point where I can barely even get started working anymore each time I try to. I've been using distraction as a coping mechanism almost every waking minute for years, so it's not surprising that I have some work to do on the mental health front.

There is some good news, though. I've become able to do a very small amount of drawing with my right hand again, but it's so little all I can safely manage is to whip out quick sketches that I clean up with my left hand. There've been a few panels I sketched with my right hand here and there mixed in the previous few updates, but I didn't want to say anything about it until I'd managed it for a while.

Regardless, it's an improvement... but still marginal.

I need to rethink my process, stop using the hope of financial success as motivation and just enjoy the process, enjoy creating. And take care of the other things that need doing too.

As such, I'm taking some time off working on art for a while. I don't know how long it'll be. But I'll keep trying. Because my creative projects are some of the only things I have left that have any meaning or bring me happiness anymore, so I'll fight to regain my ability to work on them.

Thanks and I'll get back to it as soon as I can manage.

Journal History

Comments


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:iconamirai:
Amirai Featured By Owner Mar 19, 2016
Yep. That red kryptonite is serious stuff.
Reply
:iconcda95:
cda95 Featured By Owner Mar 18, 2016
Does kyoshi's pet beaverine have a name
Reply
:iconamirai:
Amirai Featured By Owner Mar 19, 2016
Yes, but she doesn't get named until later in the story.
Reply
:iconjmalfonso7:
jmalfonso7 Featured By Owner Jan 3, 2016  Professional Digital Artist
Happy New Year! Love your Avatar Kyoshi comics, keep it up!

Here is more of my Avatar fanart:

jmalfonso7.deviantart.com/art/…

Enjoy!!!
Reply
:iconkionatria:
Kionatria Featured By Owner Dec 31, 2015
Happy New Year, Amirai.
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:iconamirai:
Amirai Featured By Owner Dec 31, 2015
Happy new year to you as well, Kionatria. :)
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:iconkionatria:
Kionatria Featured By Owner Dec 25, 2015
Oh, btw, merry Christmas.
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:iconamirai:
Amirai Featured By Owner Dec 25, 2015
Thanks! Merry Christmas to you as well! :)
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:iconkionatria:
Kionatria Featured By Owner Dec 25, 2015
Thx.
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:iconkionatria:
Kionatria Featured By Owner Oct 23, 2015
Amirai, I have started to write a... well, my view of the events in the A:TLA, but with a twist. In my story, I explore the possibility that Aang had an older sister, and that she tagged along with his little brother without him knowing.
She, like Azula, would be somewhat of a monster in many ways, from many points of view. I still have to flesh out many of the details about her and how she turned into a monster, but the outlines are pretty much finished.
Would you be willing to double-check it out once I finish writing the first episode? It would mean a lot to me.
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