I quietly listened to "Once Upon a Me" in the room, softly crying while reading the small, white subtitles at the bottom of the video. Miku's sweet, nurturing voice rang throughout my ears as she stated her troubles, as well as her happiness after solving them. It was a beautiful song.
"Only you would understand, wouldn't you?" And I dabbed away my silent drops of sadness and understanding with my wrist.
I've always been waiting for a chance to write something about this, and decided that it was too important to make it a journal.
Why am I so anti-social?
Why am I so secretive?
Why am I so... selfish?
Vocaloid has been a very big part of my life every since I entered the anime fandom, and that was only 2 years ago. Because of my tedious parents and their guidance, I could only learn "so much" about the outside world and its products. They have loosened up over time though, and I have plenty of internet breaks. I just wonder why I've never really cared for other parts of Asia except China, like Japan, until now...
Every time I find out about a new group, or cartoon series, I tend to keep silent about it and not tell anyone about my new happiness. I'm not sure whether to count it as a bad thing or a good thing. There's always a selfish feeling lurking around me, wanting to keep it all to myself. Pet peeves, like copy-cats, really get on my nerves, because of their lack of creativity and stealing of certain ideas. I've always wanted to be original, and draw or know something that a regular person in society wouldn't know. That being said, there's another reason to the other part of emotions I have for Vocaloid.
I've never really been very popular, except for one point in my life. Sometimes, I feel like my friends don't understand or agree with me. I can tell them about my problems, like my really weird one-sided love or awkward moments, but they just listen. Those people don't really relate to me in any way. They probably have other conflict to keep their minds busy, and that probably makes my troubles insignificant. I'm never really listened to in school. Most of the time, I feel like that one left out girl, with no group of friends to surround her with laughter and friendship... But once I get home and turn on the computer, red, orange, yellow, green, teal, blue, purple, and pink colors show smiling faces towards my direction. They reach their hands out to me and pull me to their melodic world, which I claim as mine too. Those beloved people can sing anything, and I can always find a song that my feelings are exactly expressing.
These emotions also give me a protective side, worrying that outsiders will insult my tastes, as well as the product. Keeping my secret hobbies a mystery is very important to me because of my lack of social activity. After all, I wouldn't want anyone making fun of my precious "friends".
--ERMAHGERD DAD SHUDDAP. I'M NOT DONE TYPING OUT MY FEELINGS--
I'LL FINISH THIS LATER~ XDDD