Ok, given the amount of, quite honesty, terrible lemons I've come across on my journeys across the interwebs, I'm going to give all you lemon writers a few rules to consider when writing them. Feel free to ignore my advice; I am, after all, an amateur, but, really, even just taking in one of these will improve your lemons considerably.
Rule 1: Use metaphors and Euphemisms carefully
Trust me; some metaphor just make your work really, really unsexy. Be very, very careful when using them. A good way to tell if you've got a good one on your hands is to say it out loud; does it make you feel hot? Or does it just make you laugh? Some of the worst