Ten Rules to Writing Lemons
Ok, given the amount of, quite honesty, terrible lemons I've come across on my journeys across the interwebs, I'm going to give all you lemon writers a few rules to consider when writing them. Feel free to ignore my advice; I am, after all, an amateur, but, really, even just taking in one of these will improve your lemons considerably.
Rule 1: Use metaphors and Euphemisms carefully
Trust me; some metaphor just make your work really, really unsexy. Be very, very careful when using them. A good way to tell if you've got a good one on your hands is to say it out loud; does it make you feel hot? Or does it just make you laugh? Some of the worst I've seen have been 'her honey pot', 'her triangle of femininity' and anything that sounds anything like 'they soared on the wings of love and exploded into infinity'. They all make you sound like a twat, especially that last one. (Also, try to avoid the word 'member' if you can.)
Rule 2: Explain how it feels, not what's happening