Hey there AlyyBabii954 ^_^ Benny here!
There are things I liked about Theme 4: Memory, and things I didn't like about the poem. One thing I liked was that it had a logical flow, and the reader could follow it nicely. The idea of memories concretely symbolising how things were was a good idea. Some ideas and concepts were unclear to me, however, even after a second look. Also, some of the terms and ideas you use were a little cliche or overused, and I believe you could have used a more original and vibrant update on the original. It was good though. Here we go!
The poem logically flowed. She went from contemplating the past in the first paragraph to regret in the second, to longing and even resolution in the third. My favourite line from this poem is "But now, things have changed", encouraging the reader that this poem is actually taking you somewhere ^_^ The logical flow of the poem makes it easy to read, well done.
The title of the poem is Memory, and this is well alluded to in the OHHHHH SNAP I just realised what this poem was about. Your parents are keeping you two apart hehe how sweet ^_^ Anyway, the title of this poem is Memory, and you use this idea quite a lot in this poem, which makes it consistent all the way through ^_^. All the way from "her thoughts become clearer" to "these memories they haunt here" to "you're always in my heart" it's all about the process of remembering how your heart was broken
. Anyway, it is a very sweet poem and I thoroughly enjoyed it
Some things were unclear though, and took away from the immersion of the reader in the poem. It is the type of unclarity that hppens when you use words that sound nice, but I struggled to find the meaning for. Such as "her happiness, she will surrender"; i was struggling to find out whom did she surrender her happiness, to the parents or to the skies. When you say "her scars will reamin forever", we aren't sure which scars the poem means, in particular. If you removed this unclarity, then we could get more involved with the poem.
Some of the phrases used in the poem were a little bit cliche, or cheesy. This increases the cringe factor in the reader, which is mostly tolerable to a certain degree, but sometimes it hurts ^_^ Phrases like "we had a love like no other" and "you're always in my heart" make for soppy love songs, but most people prefer newer ways of saying the same thing. Maybe "we had a love like my great aunt's brother" or "you're always in my aorta" or something. Actually, never mind. Just cut the cheese, if you know what I mean.
Overall, I actually like this. It's got a nice flow, and a great theme: Memory. Some phrases were either unclear or cliche, but I believe that it won't take much editing to take this great poem one level higher. I loved it.
Thanks for sharing! Drive safe! ^_^
1. Logical flow
2. Memories: good analogy
3. Some things unclear
4. Cringeworthy material
PROS: When you look into the mirror, things do become clearer
She assumes that her scars will remain forever
We assume the memories that haunt her are of those she contemplates when she looks at herself
She experiences remorse over her life before the breakup
Its good that it changes to the present
CONS: Unclear who she's surrendering her happiness to
I sort of cringed at technicolor