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About Literature / Hobbyist JasmineFemale/Netherlands Recent Activity
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Daily reminders
Breathe in
Breathe out
Let go of all your troubles and doubts
Shoulders down
Chin up
Stay hydrated, put water in your cup
Hang on
Stay safe
You'll thank yourself later today
Breathe out
Breathe in
Take it easy, it's never too late to begin
You'll get out of the hell and the torment
And I'll be here if you need to vent
:iconaltheatoasty:AltheaToasty 19 12
Feeling small
I want to talk
I want to die
I don't want to talk
But I still want to die.
Thoughts like this roam my mind
It's thoughts like this that make me feel like
I'm insignificant
I'm nothing
I'm just a bitch who worries too much
I'm just a person who wants people to know she cares
I feel so small
I feel like I'm of so little value
I want to shout into the world that I'm worthy
But it feels like I'm lying
What's the point?
We're all dying
We're all circling around
Being the prey of feelings
In a life we never chose for.
:iconaltheatoasty:AltheaToasty 17 11
No one cares
You know the feeling?
The feeling of feeling icky
The feeling of wanting to shout?
But at the same time
You feel like you’re not valid
Your worries are not worth it
No one cares
You know the feeling?
The feeling of feeling tired
The feeling of just wanting to sleep
But at the same time
You feel like you are lazy
You are not worth it
No one cares
I’m tired of feeling these things
I’m tired of being this way
I know I have to accept it and
I know it is okay
There’s nothing more to say
No one cares
:iconaltheatoasty:AltheaToasty 52 19
One of those nights
The night falls
Just like me
The day breaks
I am already broken
Every day
It's the same routine
Every night
I fall apart
I'm trying to relax
I'm trying to float
It has no use
It is to no avail
I choose to let go
:iconaltheatoasty:AltheaToasty 11 6
I turned the lights off
Just before I kissed you
Turned them back on
And now I miss you
:iconaltheatoasty:AltheaToasty 12 6
Dreaming of the day
It's going to be okay
It's going to go my way
One day
Now everything seems hopeless
There is no light
Everything is hopeless
Hope is out of sight
It will work out fine
My life will be mine
And I will be back
One day
It's going to go my way
It's going to be okay 
:iconaltheatoasty:AltheaToasty 15 11
The act of estimating something to be worthless
You and me were real
You and me felt like we could chase the world
We were together and it never felt so good.
You were my big deal
I never thought you could turn so cold
Like snow you fell on my sunny beach
And you turned the tides like you never should
You were my everything and I thought we belonged
I thought we were of worth
I really believed that it was just you and me against this Earth
But that is where I was wrong.
I was only fixating the relation
Making the prices drop
And in the end it turned out to be floccinaucinihilipilification
With a little cherry on top
:iconaltheatoasty:AltheaToasty 11 9
August Daily Sketch Initiative 2018 ~ day 7 by AltheaToasty August Daily Sketch Initiative 2018 ~ day 7 :iconaltheatoasty:AltheaToasty 4 3 August Daily Sketch Initiative 2018 ~ day 5 by AltheaToasty August Daily Sketch Initiative 2018 ~ day 5 :iconaltheatoasty:AltheaToasty 6 11 August Daily Sketch Initiative 2018 ~ day 4 by AltheaToasty August Daily Sketch Initiative 2018 ~ day 4 :iconaltheatoasty:AltheaToasty 7 8 August Daily Sketch Initiative 2018 ~ day 2 by AltheaToasty August Daily Sketch Initiative 2018 ~ day 2 :iconaltheatoasty:AltheaToasty 8 4
The 'lies' you tell me
It is going to be okay
Or so you say
I’ll be fine
That’s what you keep telling me
I want to believe you
Don’t get me wrong
I really want to believe what you say
But I can’t.
No matter how hard I try
I can’t.
I feel like I’m not in the mood
I’m not doing well, I’m not doing good
I’m not okay
It’s not going to be okay
Not yet.
:iconaltheatoasty:AltheaToasty 11 10
August Daily Sketch Initiative 2018 ~ day 1 by AltheaToasty August Daily Sketch Initiative 2018 ~ day 1 :iconaltheatoasty:AltheaToasty 9 8
There is something
It's super important and
I have to keep remembering
to not forget
It is something
That will go bad if I leave it out
I have to keep it inside my head
Top priority no other things are of interest
Right now
I have to put in all my time
Into thinking what the super important thing was
:iconaltheatoasty:AltheaToasty 12 7
-insert life purpose-
I feel like swimming but all I do is drown
I feel like smiling but all I do is frown
When will the tide turn on me?
When will someone hand me the key
Of this prison that's holding me?
People keep saying "soon", "It will be okay soon"
But I'll be waiting and waiting
It's exhausting, frustrating
Waiting and waiting
on the day that's called "soon"
Another day wasted
Another day wondered
If today was "soon"
Yesterday was a day
Today is a day
Tomorrow will be a day
No good days
No bad days
Just days
Days, on which I experience both but only remember the bad moments
Days, on which I revert the good moments into the bad ones
Days, on which I don't make sense at all.
:iconaltheatoasty:AltheaToasty 9 11
Run into the night
I can't run
I can't hide
Anywhere I go they will find me
I want to run
I want to hide
But anywhere I go they will find me
My thoughts are always with me
And so is the lack of air in my lungs
I can't always put it there beside me
But I can put it in a poem, or a song
The thoughts that always plague me
Are the ones I don't need at all
And the thoughts that are vague to me
Are the ones I need the most
:iconaltheatoasty:AltheaToasty 15 15

Random Favourites

Desert Dance, Blonde Fantasy Woman Art, DS Iray by shibashake Desert Dance, Blonde Fantasy Woman Art, DS Iray :iconshibashake:shibashake 421 45
Surreal dreams
Dreams so surreal
Waking up slowly
Not sure what to feel
Not sure what to do
Still tired as can be
Eyes tearing up
Until I can’t see
I want to be alone
Away from the voice
That is inside my head
But never gives me a choice
:iconpriswolf:Priswolf 29 27
Passing the Torch by DuckLordEthan Passing the Torch :iconducklordethan:DuckLordEthan 2,862 197
Dealing With A Victim Of Abuse
People who have been abused don’t act like normal people do. Yet, everyone expects them to. They expect them to act like the abuse never happened, as if it never existed.
And I hate people like that.
Because they claim to care, they claim they understand, but they don’t. And they don’t want to. They just want to see the mask they put up to hide their scars, to hide their pain. The fake happiness they put up to hide how much they’re hurting inside.
Because when they see that mask, they don’t have to deal with the breakdowns, the pain, the heartbreak that person carries.
If they cared, they’d understand how abuse affects how that person thinks and acts. That maybe that’s the reason why they’re so distant. That’s why they have trouble being intimate, why they have issues with communication, why they have issues when it comes to trust.
Because there’s that voice in the back of their head, telling them they’re not doing enoug
:iconcometfire21:CometFire21 10 4
Spiders Lair by Scebiqu Spiders Lair :iconscebiqu:Scebiqu 1,876 75 Slavyanka by Mireys Slavyanka :iconmireys:Mireys 1,091 22 Double Date - Stitch Angel Toothless Light Fury by TsaoShin Double Date - Stitch Angel Toothless Light Fury :icontsaoshin:TsaoShin 5,672 474 Ready to explore the World by woxys Ready to explore the World :iconwoxys:woxys 861 26 [F] CCS by Nachooz [F] CCS :iconnachooz:Nachooz 2,601 56 Yae Sakura by NeoArtCorE Yae Sakura :iconneoartcore:NeoArtCorE 3,734 58 Concordian Cityscape by SeerLight Concordian Cityscape :iconseerlight:SeerLight 1,238 80
They Roam The Night
Night has come, tis the witching hour.
Where monsters creep and teeth devour.
In the darkness, I feel at ease.
A glint of claws, in starlight tease.
The demons I harbour, deep in my soul.
All prowl at night when the cold winds moan.
So bar your windows, lock your doors.
The night is mine the day is yours.
:iconvincentvff:VincentVFF 12 1
I Will Again
There’s a creeping feeling
Taking hold of me
Passed the black of night
Through the raindrops,
My daring plight;
A bountiful crop
For madness to  feast upon
I don’t remember when,
Or how, but I know I can
Understand what it meant
To be free of sin
Even if that was then
And now I can’t
Maintain the illusion
Of a smile, I know
I will be whole again
Passed the smoke and flames
Through the ashes of tomorrow
I will dare to live and dream,
Dream passed the echo
Of my sinister fervor
I don’t remember when,
Or how, but I know I can
Understand what it meant
To be free of sin
Even if that was then
And now I can’t
Maintain the illusion
:iconthe-archaeon:The-Archaeon 9 8
Sunset Norderney by Veta-Fox Sunset Norderney :iconveta-fox:Veta-Fox 38 2 Fall Of Feelings by Leonid Afremov by Leonidafremov Fall Of Feelings by Leonid Afremov :iconleonidafremov:Leonidafremov 217 7
it's an old ritual
he smiled at her
took her hand in his
so that they might 
over the broom and 
start a new life as
:iconrialovesfanfic:rialovesfanfic 5 0



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Guess who resurfaced from the void just to tell you guys that I finally graduated my studies?? This bitch!! :party::boogie::boogie:
Torn between needing to work harder and needing to take a break.. :sigh: 
I am going to visit my uncle in like 45 minutes and can't wait to tell them that I spend my day doing absolutely nothing when they ask about it #lazyday
I need some cheering up.. I didn't graduate :/ Fuck
I like this one and have something to say about it as well

Girl side
[ ] You wear lip gloss
[] You love to shop 
[] You wear eyeliner
[ ] You have some of the same shirts in different colors
[x] You wear the color pink
[ ] Go to your mom for advice
[x] You consider cheer-leading a sport 
[ ] You hate wearing the color black
[] You like hanging out at the mall
[ ] You like getting manicures and/or pedicures
[x] You like wearing jewelry 
[ ] Skirts are a big part of your wardrobe
[] Shopping is one of your favorite hobbies
[] You don't like the movie Star Wars (I mean, I'm sure that there guys too that don't like Star Wars but eh sure)
[ ] You are/were in cheer-leading, gymnastics or dance 
[ ] It takes you around 1 hour to shower, get dressed,/ and put on make-up and accessories
[ ] You smile a lot more than you should
[ ] You have more than 10 pairs of shoes
[x] You care about what you look like
[x] You like wearing dresses when you can 
[] You like wearing body spray/perfume/cologne
[x] Used to play with dolls as little kid
[ ] Like putting make-up on someone else for the joy of it
[x] Like taking pictures of yourself with your cell phone/camera when you're bored (I know some guys who do this too so why is this here? I mean ugh wtf stereotypes?)

Girl personality 7/24

Your Guy Side

[x] You love hoodies.
[x] You love jeans. 
[ ] Dogs are better than cats.
[] It's hilarious when people get hurt. 
[] You've played with/against boys on a team.
[x] Shopping is torture. 
[ ] Sad movies suck. 
[ ] You own an X-Box.
[x] Played with Hotwheels cars as a kid. 
[ ] At some point in time you wanted to be a firefighter.
[x] You own a DS, PS2 or Sega.  (Okay, how and why is this a 'guy' thing)
[x] You used to be obsessed with Power Rangers. (And this too? There were female Power Rangers you know wtf)
[] You watch sports on TV.
[x] Gory movies are cool. 
[ ] You go to your dad for advice. 
[ ] You own like a trillion baseball caps. 
[] You like going to football games.
[ ] You used to/do collect baseball cards.
[x] Baggy pants are cool to wear. 
[x] It's kinda weird to have sleepovers with a bunch of people. 
[x] Green, black, red, blue, or silver are one of your favorite colors. 
[] You love to go crazy and not care what people think. 
[] Sports are fun
[] Talk with food in your mouth (that's ... just gross)

Guy side: 10/24

Okay, so I have a little more of a 'guy' personality than a 'girls' personality what actually I already knew. But damn this thing is full with stereotypes (what I already expected) that aren't even true that much.
And in the end gender doesn't even matter. I feel like there is too much emphasis on what's a 'guy'thing to do or what girls shouldn't or should do. Stop pressing these things on people.
yes, I filled this in myself too but only because I knew that the scores wouldn't differentiate that much to get my point across.
Anyway, hi
I don't usually do this, but I saw Priswolf doing this and it looked fun and since I'm also a girl and all 

1. Do you sleep in your bra?
Why should I?

2. Do you enjoy drama?
Depends. Usually I do, to a certain degree 

3. Are you a girly girl?
I mean, I like wearing dresses but don't wear make-up.. So.. I think I'm not? What is a girly girl anyway?

4. Who was the last person you hugged?
My mom I think. I'm a hugging person

5. Small or large purses?
I don't really like purses.. but I have this cute orange flowery one.

6. Are you short?
I don't think I am. I'm 1m76, so depends on which country I think. For a Dutch girl, I'm pretty average.

8. What would you do if someone smacked your butt?
Smack their face

9. Do you care if your socks are dirty?
Nope not at all. I do care if my socks are coollooking. I have socks with popsicles, watermelons, flamingos, cherries.. you name it, I have it Sunglasses are good 

10. Do you dress up on Halloween?
I don't celebrate Halloween, so.. no? I do go to fantasy fairs (which are fairs on which you go fantasy it's in the name really and I do dress up for that! My favourite is my princess Jasmine cosplay my sister made.

11. Are you double jointed?
-google translates double jointed- oh no, no no, I am not flexible at all my friend

12. Where is the weirdest place you have slept?
Can't remember

13. Has anyone touched/smacked your butt in the past 24 hours?

14. Is there a rumor going around about you?
Oh yes probably

15. Do you call anybody by their last name?
Why would I when they have a first name?

16. How many guys will read this just because it says "Girl Confessions?":
How am I supposed to know?

17. What color is your bra that your wearing?
I like how this question assumes that I'm wearing one right now (also, it's *you're)

18. Do you prefer light or dark haired guys?
Don't care (perks of being pansexual)

19. Are you currently frustrated with a boy?

20. Do you have a best friend(s)?:
Yes, but I don't like the tag 'best friend'. I'm scared that it isn't mutual

21. Have you ever had your heart broken?
Sadly, yes

22. Have you ever thought of having plastic surgery?

23. Do you like your life?
When did this questions get deep? But no

24. Has one of your friends ever stolen a boyfriend from you?
I like how this question assumes I ever had a boyfriend

25. Have you ever jumped in the pool with your clothes on?
yes, during a swimclass in primary school

26. Do you have more friends that are girls or boys?
More girls.

27. How long have you had Facebook or Myspace?
MySpace? Ha! What year is this? (I never had it) Facebook I have for almost 6 years now. Never use it though. Not to post that is

28. Have you ever slapped a boy in the face?
No. That's rude.

29. What are your biggest fears?
Again with the deep questions. My biggest fears are being ignored, failing in life and the darkness. Oh, and barrel organs

30. Have you ever cried yourself to sleep?
Sadly, I have

31. Have you ever not been able to get someone off of your mind?
Yes, but who hasn't?

32. Do you believe in the saying "Once a cheater, always a cheater"?
Depends. Context and all

33. Have you ever had a good feeling about something?
Yes, but the good feeling rarely comes true

34. Do you ever wish you were famous?
yes actually

35. Are you currently missing someone?
Is my bed a person? Then no (but actually, now that I think about it: yes, I am missing someone)
There's one thing that has been haunting my head for a long while now. It's something that I'm particularly insecure about lately, but also something I can't wrap my head around.

Maybe it's stupid and maybe I think too much about it.
Why do people like me?

Let me start of by saying that I am super grateful for having such amazing people that call themselves my friends and that I appreciate each and every single one of them but I just don't understand the why.

Let me also clarify that I mean both on- and offline friendos. Just in general I don't understand why people are kind to me.

One last disclaimer is that I know I am whining. I know I am being super weird by asking that question. There are people who don't have anyone, and here I am, complaining about the people that are in my life and want to be there. I know that, but I have to get this off my chest.

Thoughts and questions and alarmbells ring around in my head the moment someone I don't know that well yet shows me kindness: What do they get out of it? Do they expect something from me now? Why are they so nice to me? What have I done?

Questioning the agenda of the other person is something I do because of pain from the past. It's maybe unfair of me to think everyone is out there to exploit something of me, but it has a history (this story is something for another time maybe).

Back to my main question: 'why do people like me?'

I asked my penpal friend from South Africa why she likes me, I mean, I never saw her in real life, she knows little to nothing about me. I suppose I am unintentionally asking some of the friends on here who read this now why you like me.

I didn't ask my small group of offline friends the question yet, I feel comfortable around them and I am scared of the answer. What if they'll say that they actually don't like me but just hang around me because they always have? (I know this is not the answer they're going to give, but ugh don't you just love when your brain feeds you thoughts that are so ridiculously and obviously fake but you still believe them?) The other reason I don't want to ask them is because I don't want to come off as if I need their validation to feel good about myself. Even though I do now.

I just changed so much over the years that I'm scared. Scared that my old friends won't accept this the person that I am now. They are the best people in my life and they'll never do that to me but still I am so scared that one day they get tired of me and just leave me behind. And I don't want to ask them if this is true, because I dread the answer, the false answer, that it is.

In my biggest moments of self doubt I want to ask my mom if I am a kind person but I never ask. I don't want to be a nuisance, I don't want to be of importance is what I'm trying to say I guess. Maybe that's why I wonder why people think I am important to them.

It's stupid, it's weird to think in that way I know. But every time someone shows me kindness or says something sweet to me, I think the worst. 

It's like that one song: An Act of Kindness by Bastille 

"My back's up against the wall. I feel guilty, I feel guilty. And you want nothing in return, I feel guilty I feel guilty."


AltheaToasty's Profile Picture
Artist | Hobbyist | Literature
Hey guys!
I'm Jasmine, and I am into poems and currently writing a book (or, you know, trying to)
I also love reading, watching series and music. Anyway, hi! :aww:


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woodcarve Featured By Owner 18 hours ago  Hobbyist Artisan Crafter
Bedankt voor de fav.
Precipitous120 Featured By Owner Oct 15, 2018
Thank you so much for the llama, and no this isn't just a thank you. I would like to return the favour in the only way I know how. This sash entry has useful links for artists, programmers, music makers and crafts of all sorts.

Part of making it in this world is in who you know, I only hope I can help in some small way
Thank You!Thank You..Onion Thank You..Onion Thank You..Onion Thank You..Onion Thank You..Onion Thank You..Onion Thank You..Onion Thank You..Onion Thank You..Onion Thank You..Onion   
If you are here than you must have done something very good, as such I would like to thank you and share my personal collection of helpful links.
If you would like your work advertised here, show us some fantastic examples of your art and we will get right on it. In order to quality you need to have at least 100 works of art submitted to DA, that wa

Thank you :) (Smile)
AltheaToasty Featured By Owner Oct 16, 2018  Hobbyist Writer
You're welcome! (: And thank you :hug:
JA-ThePoet Featured By Owner Oct 8, 2018
Thank you for the fave.
AltheaToasty Featured By Owner Oct 8, 2018  Hobbyist Writer
You're welcome (:
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