*Warning: serious journal*
It's been 5 years since I've submitted any actual art.
It's been 5 years since my passion for art died.
It's also been 5 years since one of my best friends died.
We met on here years ago and loved how similar we both were that we considered each other our Twin. Think Fred and George Weasley, and you got us. Unfortunately, our paths went the same way too....
Grieving is a weird beast. We all deal with it some point in our lives, but each of us will approach it in different ways.
I honestly thought I was pretty strong, resilient, and would be ok in circumstances like these. But I was wrong.
I slipped into a funk and, though it looked like I was functioning properly outwardly, I couldn't muster up any will to do anything but mourn my friend. I just went through the motions of life and the world was fuzzy and not vibrant to me. The world was gray.
I tried multiple times throughout the years to start up again, but it would stop soon after; it's hard to create when you have no will, inspiration, or passion. So, I stopped trying aside from a mindless doodle here and there. I let my health slide, friendships fade, and the world kept turning. I became a shadow of who I was.
I realized last night that her death-day is nearing and decided to watch old videos of her. I dug up old messages, her art, anything of her. I found a last note she wrote to all her friends that I forgot about and haven't seen since she died, and she said:
"Please don't worry about me....Don't be silly and stop taking care of yourselves."
Guys, I cried. Like bawled-my-eyes-out-cried. I haven't truly cried over her in the last 5 years and it all just came rushing out. I'm still a blubbering mess, but she's right. I've mourned long enough. It still hurts and it will always hurt, but I should start taking care of myself. She wouldn't want me to live as a shell of myself.
It's time I came back. I don't know if many people will remember me since it's been so long, but it's high time I dusted off my dA and get back into things. It will take time and I don't know if I would be back to how I was in terms of art, but I hope to see you guys along that journey. :3
PS: I miss you, Twinny. I'll see you again on the other side some day.
Listening to: Flower - Seventeen
Playing: Let's Go Pikachu
Eating: Adult Lunchables - oooh
Drinking: Green Tea