ALilMAd

The leaves here have begun to fall. There’s a coolness in the breeze signaling change is on its way. I can only hope it’s for the better. The sinking feeling comes back to haunt me daily. I keep the rising screams at bay with work, and school, and making dinner. But I feel the heaviness of it in my chest. Like something that was buried alive inside me Scratching and tearing at the flesh above, begging to be let out. I am praying. Hoping it will be the last time it returns. Each time heavier, louder, and harder to quiet. History has taught me that one day this will just be a bad memory. A worn picture in the quickly fading scrapbook of my life. But being here now, that day can’t seem to get here fast enough. I find myself repeating all the things people say when you face major crisis in your life… This too shall pass, have faith, pray, God doesn’t give you more than you can handle. Well, He sure as hell knows how to push that envelope to the very edge. And why is

The concrete was hot on my feet that late summer evening. My toes curled in response to the slight discomfort. A symphony of crickets and locusts permeated the warm evening air like an orchestra welcoming the night. I stood there listening to their song, nostalgia washing over me again. Memories of messy brunette hair, bare feet, climbing trees, and hunting rollie pollies, dusted themselves off and re-visited me. Standing there I realized the air was different now. My once wild imagination had slowed and I missed the bursts of ideas that often sparked a succession of poorly engineered parachutes and forts. The simple moments of my childhood, now an intangible artifact only I could see. A hint of