SNIPPY: FLYING DAY

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ENTRY 3647:

November something something.
I've got to come up with a better system for telling what day it is. Maybe I could scrawl numbers on the back of my shoe? Nah, that sounds like something silly that Pilot would do.

I'm currently carrying a calendar that says 2012 on it, but I am pretty sure that these days aren't correct anyway to our year and Captain keeps scribbling things in the margins whenever I get distracted enough for the calendar to be snatched out of my hands. I found the calendar more or less intact and it's kinda impressive that it lasted from way back in 2012. It must have held some sort of personal importance to it's owner to seal it away in a plastic container with words "the Mayans were wrong, trust no-one!"

I've been trying to keep track of how old I am, but I keep forgetting to check off every day in the calendar or maybe captain is messing off with me by erasing my checkmarks.
Something tells me I shouldn't be telling Captain about my birthday anyway. I would probably get some kind of ridiculous celebration with radioactive cake in my face. It took forever to clean off the last radioactive cake that was thrown in my face.

One day I found the calendar mutilated with writing all over it. Every day had some kind of nonsense inscribed on it with a black pen.
There is also a series of scribbles in red describing holidays of Captania.
Today's entry said: "FLYING DAY".
Yesterday it was "REMEMBERANCES OF THE PAST DAY"
That was definitely memorable.  

Anyhow, smaller series of scribes beneath today's date told me that "TODAY ALL SUBJECTS OF CAPTANIA MUST ATTEMPT TO FLY TO PLEASE CAPTAIN'S SENSUS."

I wondered whether captain would just tell me to jump around and flap my arms or push me off a chair, since I highly doubted that Pilot's skills in actually making a human fly.

Oh, how wrong I was!

It looks like pilot had some sort of breakthrough with the "FLYING MACHINE MISSION" mission.

The breakthrough consisted of a plastic lawn chair with a whole assortment of balloons tied to it.

Where did Pilot get so many red balloons? I will never know.
Although, now that I think about it, there's probably a balloon factory round these parts somewhere with it's doors wide open for such shenanigans.

The whole terrifying contraption was discovered by captain with much joy and celebration on a nearby beach.
It looks like Pilot just left it in a hurry, but there was a piece of paper left on the chair with "USE INSTRUCTIONS" so captain " NOMINATED" me to "BE PART OF THE SOLUTION".

I tried to refuse to be part of the solution, but Captain was adamant about "CONDUCTING THE TEST ON TIME", that "THIS MISSION IS OF INFINITE IMPORTANCE TO THE UNIVERSE", and that "THE AUDIENCE IS WATCHING AND YOU CANNOT STOP THE PLAY" and that "INSUBORDINATION AND REFUSAL WILL NOT BE TOLERATED".

Then a mug full of mysterious boiling substances was used to threaten me into submission.

Damn you Pilot. Where are you hiding? This is all part of your plan to get rid of me, isn't it? You should be the one to test your own bloody flying lawn chair.

Captain then threatened me with "PSYCHOLOGICAL WARFARE" and proceeded to make a series of really annoying sounds like "WHOP WHOP WHOP WHOP WHOP", until I have submitted to "TESTING THE FLYING MACHINE".
I figured out I could just trick Captain and jump off the chair as soon as the supporting cables were released.
As soon as I sat on the seat, I could not escape. I think Captain smeared the seat with super-glue.

As the ground drew away from me I wondered why do I go along with this insanity.
Yet this is still somehow better than being alone. I can't stand being alone for too long, too many dark memories from my past start to waltz in my thoughts. Is this why I keep myself subject to Captain's plots? To run away from my past?
Everything looks so small from up here....
My worries floating away....

I am not sure what I worried about. I'm not falling off the chair, achieving some lift and slowly drifting away.
There can't be another PHOTOSHOP in the sky, surely?

...This is actually quite peaceful. No Captain making whoop-ing noises at me. Maybe I'll fly away, far away from the city, find some non-insane survivors...
So calm...
So serene...
The fluttering snow, glittering in the sunlight.
So beautiful...

Wait what is that in the water? A dark moving shape? A giant fish?
That can't be right... the corporations were dumping toxic wastes in here for years. I remember reports about most large fish becoming extinct.

WHAT IS THAT? OH GOD. IS THAT A WHALE? OR A MEGALADON?!?!

OH GOD OH GOD AHHHHH...

(transmission interrupted)

© 2012 - 2022 alexiuss
Comments74
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fellcrusader's avatar
Aww. Have a nice trip Snippy! I kill that whale...
quantum-force's avatar
A giant fish? Well, just think that as PHOTOSHOP~
BichoHumano's avatar
¿Quieres leer una traduccion al español? Sigue EL ENLACE

Want to read an Spanish translation? FollowTHE LINK
Abasur's avatar
I imagine him sounding just like Grif from Red vs Blue, especially in his panicky moments.
g1i7ch7heory's avatar
XD Oh Snippy, you just need to release all that obnoxious sanity, and let the waves of pure oblivious bliss wash over you.

Captain then threatened me with "PSYCHOLOGICAL WARFARE" and proceeded to make a series of really annoying sounds like "WHOP WHOP WHOP WHOP WHOP", until I have submitted to "TESTING THE FLYING MACHINE".
Best Psychological warfare.
Ever. xD
ArcadianEngineering's avatar
This got depressing all of a sudden. Trying to keep track of how old he is? Just how long has it been since the world ended? I thought months, but it's beginning to seem more like years. Years of Captain and Pilot's stereo insanity... Happy upcoming birthday, you poor brave man.
NoriMori's avatar
There's a reason Snippy has so many fans... He's The Woobie. :P

What's "stereo insanity"? Do you mean like...in the sense of coming from two directions? XD Cuz if so that's actually brilliant. :P
ArcadianEngineering's avatar
Yes, that's what I meant, but I can't claim brilliance because I'm pretty sure I stole the phrase from a web comic called The Order of the Stick. And thus admiration is replaced with the realisation that I am in fact a complete and utter nerd. Oh well, it was nice while it lasted.
NoriMori's avatar
Hmm, that's odd, I've read OotS and I don't remember that phrase.

"And thus admiration is replaced with the realisation that I am in fact a complete and utter nerd."

You make that sound like it's a bad thing! Replaced with? You mean augmented by! I love nerds! I'm a nerd! Nerds will rule the world some day! :D
ArcadianEngineering's avatar
I looked up the strip, #727; "stereo goofiness" is used of Elan and his dad discussing "clown-jugglers, who juggle tiny clowns". So, it's a good thing you're cool with nerdiness, because I seem to be just spouting it today.
"Nerds will rule the world some day" - I look forward to that day. Vive la revolution; down with those tiresome normal people!
NoriMori's avatar
I find most of the cool people these days are nerds. You just can't always tell, because they're seemingly "normal". :P For instance, you didn't realize I was a nerd until I told you, and I didn't realize you were a nerd until you told me. So there are probably more nerds than we both think, but we just don't know because we think they're normal people! XD
ArcadianEngineering's avatar
We need some kind of acid test. Start singing "Still Alive" in public and see who joins in?
NoriMori's avatar
But there are so many different kinds of nerds, even someone who hasn't played Portal could be a nerd, blasphemic as that sounds... We need to create a Nerd IQ test and whoever scores above a certain number is a nerd. :P It would have Portal, Half-Life series, The Big Bang Theory, Doctor Who, XKCD, Harry Potter, The Hunger Games, Star Trek, Star Wards, and all kinds of other things! XD
SleepingGuru13's avatar
poor snippy and cunning pilot!
NoriMori's avatar
This is AWESOME! I laughed so hard!
Drogmir's avatar
Don't worry Snippy it's been tested for approval by Pilot!

You're in safe hands!
NoriMori's avatar
Yeah, it won Pilot's approval by being successful in making Snippy whale bait! XD All according to plan... :P
UnyilKiller's avatar
oh snippy poor you....
Ponyta's avatar
OHMAHGAWD! I discovered your comic about 2 weeks ago and I read all pages in a day or two. I've only JUST found out about these brilliantly written journals!

Thank you so much for making these! :)
NoriMori's avatar
I am in the same boat and feel the same way. ;)
HyaRay's avatar
I love Captain. So much.
HokoriTamashi's avatar
LOL

when I first watched you I just thought you were some bussy artiest who wouldn't talk.

I know better now XD
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