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About Literature / Artist AlessiahFemale/Unknown Groups :iconlive-your-wonderland: Live-Your-Wonderland
Life is a wonderland!
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norepinephrine, endorphine
i'd kissed before.
i was kissed by my then-classmate and then-friend (that had dimples deeper than oceans trapped inside his irises) in the backseats of a bus that was taking us home from city of Budapest. it was pitch black once it drove away from soft yellow lights of calming town (with a very nervous architecture) – and therefore we barely saw other's face as i leaned forward to complete my dare. it was just a game - and per se, it shouldn't mean anything.
(but it doesn't mean it won't.)   
i expected a light touch on my lips for one or two seconds, maybe three. but five seconds passed, then he slowly deepened it. i felt like my heart was going to stop beating. my mouth didn't move, and he probably felt like he was kissing a pale Archaic statue from art history class - and stopped, before i had a chance to realize that my most hidden (and favorite) fantasy was brought to life before my own eyes. instead of euphoria, an embarrassment bitter like my grandmo
:iconalessiah:Alessiah 21 19
lung cancer
you're asleep, 
and i lay
and breathe
i breathe
now i can do it unlike someone
on your chest hoping
that love is growing
with every blood-stained breath
your living-dead-flesh ejects-
it grows and grows
when heartbeating of yours
is breathing of mine,
harmonized symphony where we are one,
later we literally become
in coffin coloured like skin of our friends
that worked hard, and burned out
for us to start existing
- worry not,
they're shedding tears of joy
from ashtray.
:iconalessiah:Alessiah 32 18
when i was with you and embraced,
i was fondling those cheeks
silken yet strong like spiderwebs
with sharp fingertips,
and for the last time
allowed aura to lost itself
in the two little seas of irises
i used to daily bathe in,
you closed lids,
i opened my own,
thanking heaven
that it is not easy to have dreams anymore. 
:iconalessiah:Alessiah 10 4
words i keep for myself
there is a new violence within my voice -
Lilith's lilt in warm, than-friendly alto
and i know
that you can't understand the horror of it.
therefore, i want to be noiseless,
as if in company of gods,
and humbled
- but i'm fading
more and more,
and my lips birth not only words of love,
but of hate.
even if i close my eyes,
or drew a sinister half-smile at the thought
i cared,
and i hurt, too.
if the intensity was a painting,
it would be a sword through maid's corset,
through her white waist -
a blade of a chevalier who vowed to protect her
even from himself.
after thousand bleeding hours,
the final knockout numbed the bruise:
her face blank like an erased sketchbook story
and saying: errare humanum non est.
god knows how many times
i took off wood-framed glasses
as i couldn't see through them
when tears crystallized,
and the morning fog blinded me
a little more with white,
and only god knows how many times
i left a mascara trace on sweater's sleeve.
i care,
:iconalessiah:Alessiah 18 6
in nodus tollens
you can try, and imitate
porcelain with smile-that-is-not,
but now you hate yourself
just a little more than usual-
cocaine is a fucking sugar
compared to his poisonous presence
and dark electricity that's, in those fast hours,
striking through nervetissues.
you can try, and pretend
that not everyone is gone-
than welcome home familiar feeling
that'll chain you to wall
just to see the red on the white-
night is not enough,
for that satisfaction,
nor it'll ever be.
you can try, and sew
what is savable of skin,
and maybe paint the pain of it 
in the sadly bright colours of the Morgenröte
that'll bravely contradict scarlet underneath the eyelids,
but darling,
here comes the problem:
art doesn't work anymore.  
:iconalessiah:Alessiah 20 11
It's not arrhythmia but heart sobbing. 
:iconalessiah:Alessiah 24 9
good morning
you're too young for those thoughts-
she massaged her temples
and straightened up to grab a white cigarette box
while sticking out tongue at the warning message:
the world begged to differ,

she muttered and sighed through burning nicotine,
through fire that devoured death-wand's initial white. 
:iconalessiah:Alessiah 15 12
Mature content
virgin thoughts :iconalessiah:Alessiah 20 6
der Weltschmerz
i won't forget lips,
nor tears
nor everything else
that had You on my cheeks,
but i'll do my best.
(because love,
you're the howling in woods of lunacy)
i will forget your astrology talks,
how you explained my whole self
just through stargazer's midnights,
and the tiny fear in the eye
when you realized that i have a Pluto in the 12th house:
the best paintings are never painted,
and some words decompose better in saliva
than in brain.
i won't forget
those endless lines of fruit of having a lot to say:
doubts and thoughts,
pseudonyms and asterisk-less cuss words:
because it was the only friend i needed,
and yet i never gave it chance
to start breathing.
:iconalessiah:Alessiah 15 13
i. i lit a waxy prayer for you
between the holy walls
just as a mere formal gesture
- i don't believe in their
staccatos of doom.
ii. porcelain masks have been falling,
and there were monsters behind them-
how do we still care for those
(mine, and yours)
is enigmatically disgusting.
iii. so, instead of extinguishing that little fire 
i'll light one more,
waiting for you to do the same,
wherever you are. 
:iconalessiah:Alessiah 20 13
i. barefoot on ice,
i slowly slided into the future
of fall 
before your arms found mine
only to throw me harder
in the next second
and to admire the red rivers
my body tried to hide-
you're disgusting,
lastbreathedly, i whispered.
ii. olives' pleasant bitterness,
and those thousand times
i pretended that the sea killed me
to turn into mermaid
seemed like memories 
left on asylum's pillow.
:iconalessiah:Alessiah 11 4
you're so stupid.
you're asthmatic and make love to cigarettes daily,
you love her lovely lips yet you are aware
that you are not the only one tasting their tainted blood.
you overdose on pills every time migraine knocks
on your forehead.
you tell me you care for, and love
(the idea of) me,
and when we don't talk for two days
you write "speak, please"
but you know that we are carrying each other's burdens
only out of pure empathy. 
for the love of god, 
you are so stupid.
:iconalessiah:Alessiah 12 12
mixing analgesics with caffeine 
is never a good idea,
but my brain has never known of continence
or compliance:
if we are making a few steps to paradise,
i'll leave sweat and blood stains inside each footprint
and, if needed, limp with broken hipbone
that'll probably penetrate the skin-
yet, when it's time to breathe properly,
i'll lie curled up inside of a linen for days,
seeing its lilac samples as dreamscape through late morning sunlight
still carrying the colour of those painted lilies
below eyes.
when pen's blue tip is touching the paper,
i always confess to that personal, white priest
of sick admiration
for reflection:
about the scar-kissing, greedy way of hair-combing
and lip-colouring
both in black and red.
when back's turned to mirror,
i'm folding and admiring
the handwritten books of absorbed intellect
inside the photogenic memory-
that's a gift,
but i'm still impudent enough
to label currently unseen reflection as intelligent-
vicious circle
:iconalessiah:Alessiah 22 7
little tear crawled to the eyelash tip
as i told the last words of my story. 
the sun slyly peaked from the gap between the curtains-
making each vice virtue-alike,
placing the final king in the growing house of cards.
we entangled fingers,
mine led yours to the most painful place:
i took off the ribcage,
and showed the unhealthy colour of a tainted muscle within-
you wanted to help,
and repainted it.
when done,
you had my black signature on upper lip
and crimson-stained fingertips.
:iconalessiah:Alessiah 19 9
days (aeons felt-like) ago
i wrote about the leave-taking
on the back side of a snapshot of a girl
mantled in a dress that had drawn garden on its fabric
on a xanthous, pristine paper;
then, i wrote inter every two lines of a diary's sheet:
fear's not always seen through
a lens of monochrome

-for a seed of reason
in a soil of artistic insanity of mind
has always known that you cannot say goodbye
to someone whose hello
you have never tasted on a tongue
from their own.
(we've been severed long before
the letter-written-with-the-vaguest-handwriting on a xanthous paper
was born)
:iconalessiah:Alessiah 22 7
the day you decreed that i'm too ugly
to walk next to you in inanity of schoolcorridors
drew me a giant relief-filled sigh
for my coffee-surrounded pupils saw the soul beyond your beauty

and i thought the same. 
:iconalessiah:Alessiah 11 9

Journal History




Artist | Literature

intj | scorpio | ambivert

i'm just another perpetually exhausted art enthusiast that's addicted to writing.

thanks for stopping by, and feel free to say hi! <3

my amazing icon is made by Rainry



Add a Comment:
comatose-comet Featured By Owner Oct 15, 2018  Hobbyist Writer
This is super late but thank you so much for the fave! It really means a lot :dalove:
randomMeAndBob Featured By Owner Aug 3, 2018  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you so much for watching me! :hug:
It really means a lot to me! :happybounce:
Hope you have a great day!
Alessiah Featured By Owner Sep 5, 2018   Writer
No, thank you for mentioning me TWICE in your status updates!!

I hope you too are having a fantastic day! Love 
cerealnovels Featured By Owner Dec 21, 2017
Thank you 😊 
Alessiah Featured By Owner Edited Jul 26, 2018   Writer
Welcome! Love 

I'm so sorry for the super late reply!
nightshade-keyblade Featured By Owner Nov 17, 2017  Hobbyist Writer
Alessiah Featured By Owner Nov 22, 2017   Writer
Thanks man! 
LadyLincoln Featured By Owner Nov 17, 2017  Hobbyist Writer
Happy birthday, dearheart. Have a beautiful day :heart:
Alessiah Featured By Owner Nov 22, 2017   Writer
Thank you so much, darling! Love 
LadyLincoln Featured By Owner Nov 22, 2017  Hobbyist Writer
You're welcome, lovely! :hug:
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