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About Deviant The Queen & The Hunter33/Female/Germany Group :icondashboardconfession: DashboardConfession
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The Light and The Dark by AlessaNitara The Light and The Dark :iconalessanitara:AlessaNitara 5 3
Scared Stiff
I'm not moving a thing she touched. I almost don't bare looking at them. At the things she will take with her when she moves out, at the things that we got and did together, at the things that were mine but became ours.
I won't touch a thing in this apartment until it is covered by dust and cigarette smoke. I will drown this bed and couch in tears until I've run dry. I will deny the fact that I made her leave me, my woman, my cutest, my epitome of kindness, that I have lost her and that there is nothing else I can do to keep her in my life.
I will watch the dust bunnies grow in hope they have some of her hair in them, some of her skin particles, some of her breath. The shot glass will remain in the cupboard where she left it the night before she had to go so maybe her lips and fingerprints can be seen. The cupcakes will rot in the bookshelf to remind me how I turned a sweet thing to perish. I want her fragrance to stay so I have something to cuddle in my lonely nights but it's faint al
:iconalessanitara:AlessaNitara 0 0
Her time to dance

Her time to dance
All I wanted was to set her free on that day I approached her. The one in the shadows, unbound into the light. To find a new soul, a new body to trail and comply with.
It's time. She's been with me for such a long time, she's seen my heart break, heard my biggest lies and smelled my fear like metal in contrast to my natural wood.
She waited silently and motionless, not to be perceived in the dark corner of this room. My mind.
I danced and fell and hurt. I need a rest.
And now, Nitara is dancing...
:iconalessanitara:AlessaNitara 2 0
For My Feline Overlords by AlessaNitara For My Feline Overlords :iconalessanitara:AlessaNitara 1 1
On The Telephone
She sighs.
There's a long pause.
They said it all.
They don't know where to go from here.
She desperately waits for him to give up.
He desperately fears the sound of the dial tone.
The line from where she hesitates
high up above to the satellites
and back down to where he waits.
Just like their connection is destined by the stars.
She can feel his smile.
"Stop thinking that!"
She can now hear his smile getting bigger.
"Didn't you like it?"
Her smile travels a thousand miles and hits him right in the heart.
"I have to go now."
She whispers into the mouthpiece.
Right into his ear.
Shivers down his spine.
'You belong with me.'
He tells her in his mind.
Right into hers.
Shivers down her spine.
"Take care."
They say in unison.
Without a word.
With their souls.
If it wasn't for the last hope of being normal, they wouldn't need to be on the telephone to communicate.
:iconalessanitara:AlessaNitara 1 3
The Queen Of Feelings
Fear of the unknown replaced with fear of loss.
She avoids mirrors, she looks away when someone's addressing her.
Her drive is fear.
Fear is a liar.
Fear is a prison.
Fear is the one thing that keeps her from breaking loose.
The one thing that keeps her breathing.
Fear of something new replaced with fear of living without the old.
She's not a bad person, she doesn't do it on purpose.
Her drive is curiosity.
Curiosity makes you do the most stupid things.
Curiosity killed the cat.
Curiosity is the one thing that will always keep her hungry.
The one thing that keeps her going.
Fear of standing still replaced with fear of moving too fast.
She doesn't feel whole, she doesn't have a reason to ask for more.
Her drive is sorrow.
Sorrow is a lonely place.
Sorrow is not always comprehensible.
Sorrow is the one thing she doesn't want to see in her lover's face.
The one thing she brings her at the moment.
Fear replaced with fear.
No closed circle.
No crossroads.
Not even a straight line.
Love. Res
:iconalessanitara:AlessaNitara 0 0
Talking To Shadows

"Can I do this?" I ask her, the one in the shadows, the one who knows everything about me.
She doesn't move at the sound of my voice. It's been some time since we last talked. Every day I felt her by my side, even after I had thought my ignorance would have sent her astray.
"I mean it, do you think I can do this?" I insinst, well knowing I sound desperate. Which, for the first time in years, I am.
Her eyes sparkle in the corner of the room I call my mind. She's looking at me now, aware but not yet interested. I know her good enough to tell that.
"You've done it before." Indifferent, a nuance of boredom in her voice. Tones I haven't heard in ages. She's saying she doesn't care about me and that I adressed her again eventually. She has been waiting there in the corners of my thoughts.
"I know, but that wasn't my question." I return bitter. She's playing the same old game but I'm tired of it. I am too old to reach out into the darkness and I need a straight answer. Now.
She knows abou
:iconalessanitara:AlessaNitara 3 4
Acceptance - Fifth stage of grief
"Thank you" she whispers.
She has nothing left to say. Went through the five stages of grief,
The denial was easier said than done with a mind like hers,
The temporary anger did not help her pure and strong heart,
The bargaining was too embarrassing now that she learned about pride,
The depression did not linger long, it just came to say "Hi! It's me again. See you soon!"
And now
He was there because she had asked for him. It could have been anybody by that time. Fate or chance, she doesn't even care, made it him. The average douchebag next door. Under different circumstances, she would not even have laid an eye on him.
Under these circumstances, she fell for him. Not deep, not bad, not of the kind you think you can never get up again. But still hard, the open knee kind, bruises and scars included.
He was good with words. She learned it's all about actions.
She wanted to teach him. He taught her.
And there's nothing wrong with this.
:iconalessanitara:AlessaNitara 0 3
lay down child by AlessaNitara lay down child :iconalessanitara:AlessaNitara 2 2 fuck soulless forever by AlessaNitara
Mature content
fuck soulless forever :iconalessanitara:AlessaNitara 0 1
drive anywhere by AlessaNitara drive anywhere :iconalessanitara:AlessaNitara 0 1
say, mean, feel
I wish I meant what I say.
I mean, I mean it.
I wish I felt what I mean.
:iconalessanitara:AlessaNitara 8 4
Past to Present
As much as I wanted to do you I now wish I was done with you.
:iconalessanitara:AlessaNitara 1 5
The ones I love
The blue sky
like the ocean.
The spare clouds
like the tides.
The sun so bright
like the fire in my heart.
I walk past
children playing games
dogs running around
lovers holding hands
young folks studying
pensioners sitting together.
The green of the leaves
pleases my calm mind
when I spot the ones
I love.
She's in his arms
even more beautiful with her head on his lap.
He laughs about something she said
when his eyes meet mine.
I wave at them enthusiastically
they give me a warm smile.
Kneeling down on our blanket
I am at home.
My kiss on her lips
His hands pull me near.
I fall into the softness
of intensity and respect.
A symbiosis so sweet
I let out a loud sigh of happiness.
The heads turning around
I'm not aware of anymore.
The sky above us like the ocean.
The wind whispers our names.
As we lay entangled in the grass.
As we are one.
:iconalessanitara:AlessaNitara 6 7
Like Your Pedestal by AlessaNitara Like Your Pedestal :iconalessanitara:AlessaNitara 1 0 That Silent Hill Moment II by AlessaNitara That Silent Hill Moment II :iconalessanitara:AlessaNitara 9 5
What you see is not what you will read. Trust me. On second thought, better don't.

Random Favourites







The Queen & The Hunter

i am contradictory. authentic and pure. living and learning.
i have mood swings. very active extroverted phases. very passive introverted phases.
i don’t have a disorder. i’m not quite sane. i am my plain self.
i hate people. i am an atheist. i do have my beliefs.
i’m too realistic to be optimistic or pessimistic.

i am neither black nor white. i am twilight. if i had to decide, i’d choose the dark over the light.
i am a loyal friend and an uncomfortable enemy.
i can always make you smile and i can always make you cry.

my star sign is scorpio. my ascendant is leo. hard enough.

i love words although i don’t talk that much.
i don’t have many passions although i tend to become obsessive.
i hate definitions although i love to discuss them.

i am a writer.
with a tendency to photography.
and digital art.

i am a perfectionist. in a world of mistakes.
i am a mistake. in a world of perfectionism.
depends on the angle. like everything else.

i am a challenge.
accept it or don’t.
love me, change me or leave me.

Current Residence: In your head. Out of mine. Mind me?
Personal Quote: Be good. Be bad. Just be.
... now that I don't actively take part in dA anymore / for the time being:



My urban explorer heart beats stronger than my writer heart at the moment but I'd be happy to have you around either way.

And who knows, one day I might write again...
  • Listening to: the fridge
  • Reading: minds
  • Watching: walls break down
  • Playing: by heart
  • Eating: souls
  • Drinking: blood


Add a Comment:
itsmyccrets Featured By Owner Nov 6, 2014  Hobbyist Photographer
Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaappy Birthdaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!!!
AlessaNitara Featured By Owner Nov 7, 2014
:D Thanks a bunch!
itsmyccrets Featured By Owner Nov 6, 2015  Hobbyist Photographer
huuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuge :tighthug:
itsmyccrets Featured By Owner Nov 6, 2013  Hobbyist Photographer
Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaappy Birthdayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!!
Elixa-Carr Featured By Owner May 7, 2013
Wow. Love your bio., you seem awesome.
AlessaNitara Featured By Owner May 13, 2013
Thanks a lot, so do you. Your writing is awesome.
Elixa-Carr Featured By Owner May 13, 2013
:) Thanks! Means a lot.
myccrets Featured By Owner Nov 6, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Happppppppppppppppppppppppppppy Birthdayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!!
AlessaNitara Featured By Owner Nov 9, 2012
Thank you so much, sweetiepie! We kinda lost contact, I hope you are fine!
AbandonedZone Featured By Owner Nov 2, 2012
Thx :) :hug:
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