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The mornings forget the night
When together we saw the stars
The blind then had some sight
As they sat and drank in bars

When together we saw the stars
Inside life forgot light
As they sat and drank in bars
And went in the alley to fight

Inside life forgot light
All bottled up in jars
And they went in the alley to fight
Or make love in the back of cars

All bottled up in jars
We open and get a fright
Or make love in the back of cars
If we struggle to remember night

We open and get a fright
When we see headlights of cars
If we struggle to remember night
Which was never really ours

When we see headlights of cars
We remember what is sight
Which was never really ours--
The mornings forget the night.
I've wanted to write a pantoum for the longest time. I kinda like this, it's pretty. Some of it doesn't make much sense, but whatever.

and the picture in the screenshot is from
(shameless plug) lol.
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:iconcorruptedangel:
corruptedangel Featured By Owner Aug 21, 2003
I've been wanting to write a pantoum for quite a while as well, this is a good example as i haven't seen many! i love it! lol, *runs off to have another attempt at a pantoum*
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:iconfeyerabend:
feyerabend Featured By Owner Aug 21, 2003   Writer
Once more:

Changed my mind. It's better than I thought.
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:iconfeyerabend:
feyerabend Featured By Owner Jun 25, 2003   Writer
Meh. A bit tedious, but this is largely a function of the restrictions of the form, I suppose. This form requires a seriously snazzy vocabulary (etc.) to produce a "wow!" poem.
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:iconlady-deloupe:
lady-deloupe Featured By Owner Jun 8, 2003
I love this! I'm definitely going to try to write a pantoum now. I was sort of intimidated when I read the description of it. My slow (and slightly drunk) brain couldn't grasp it. But after reading your's, I think it'll be way fun to do one! Awesome work!
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:icononly-hope:
only-hope Featured By Owner Jun 1, 2003
freakin awesome! i love the pantoum form! it really ties it all up together in a nice lil package. yeah, great job!
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:iconelenehn:
elenehn Featured By Owner May 29, 2003
Neat! I love the repetition, and the switching of perspectves, and the first line being the last line, which is probably also the form. Yes, I agree with Tess. Please 'splain?
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:iconprevail:
prevail Featured By Owner May 28, 2003   Writer
So it has to do with repetition of the second and fourth lines of the previous stanza become the first and third of the next? Interesting ...
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:iconprevail:
prevail Featured By Owner May 28, 2003   Writer
Wow, neato ... this is super cool ... I love the how the poem unfolds, like petals from a rose. Really nicely written. Reading again ...
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:icongensanity:
gensanity Featured By Owner May 27, 2003  Professional Traditional Artist
I love the ending. tis a lil repetitive though..gues its sposed to be though
good woik :) (Smile)
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:iconlabyrinth:
labyrinth Featured By Owner May 26, 2003
*applauds* really great style of writing. i've never heard of a pantoum either, but i like this bunches. kudos. :D (Big Grin)
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:iconatacuivel:
atacuivel Featured By Owner May 26, 2003
OH YEAH! *is reminded* I had heard of some kind of repeaty poem like that somewhere before, and just recently I was wondering about what exactly it was... I didn't know where to look... but I think it's that kind. yeah. WOO! the repeaty poem, woo woo!!
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:icontessuraea:
tessuraea Featured By Owner May 26, 2003   Writer
This is AMAZING!

I've never even HEARD of a pantoum. Can you explain it for me? I see the rhyme pattern but I'm not sure if there's a repetition pattern as well. It's gorgeous! Thank you for writing it!
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:iconlekaylea:
lekaylea Featured By Owner May 26, 2003  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Oooh! Nice poem! Quite powerful.. after reading the poem... the image makes some sense! ;) (Wink) My only comment... there ain't nothing wrong with the back of cars! ;) (Wink) Only accidents in the back of cars.. Mwhahah! ;) (Wink) Nice work!
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