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"He's with God now."
"I'm at peace with it."
"It's all part of God's plan."

These were the phrases I had heard throughout the week.  I don't believe a single word of them, because you can't be gone.

Remember when we were younger?  We ran bare foot out in the back yard not caring about the dirt or mud on our clothes.  You were such a mess.  While the older kids went to go play out in the canyon you stayed inside with me and played barbies.  You were my buddy.  I taught you how to do ballet (which is why we always see you standing on tip toes anytime you walk), I helped you swim (You almost drowned a few times, but you got the hang of it), I kept you within the boundaries (so that way you were safe).

You taught me how to build cars (Lego cars, because they were fun), You helped me smile even when I was sad or mad (half the time you were the reason, but even though you were such a little shit, I loved you), You pulled me out of the boundaries (so that way we could have fun).

Remember that time when you wanted to watch a movie?  I think it was Toy Story, because you loved Woody.  I had curled up on the couch laying down on my side.  You thought that looked more comfortable than the ground, so you curled up right in front of me.  Your curly blonde hair fit right under my chin and your tiny body melted into mine.  To be on the safe side and keep you from falling off the edge I wrapped an arm around you.  To keep you safe, to keep you secure.

You were so gullible too.  I had to leave one day and my mom was trying to tell you why we had to leave.  We had to go see her friend Bruce for some reason and she turned to you.

"Bruce, you know like Bruce Wayne."

You sat there staring up at her bug eyed. "You're friends with Batman?" you questioned in awe.

We all got a good laugh.


We all still get a good laugh.  You were fun, you loved to laugh, you were my buddy.


So this can't be real.  The kid on the news is someone else.  It's not you.  You're a wild child, you do things that are fun, you are a mess.  We all loved you fiercely anyways.

So this can't be real.  The kid whose pictures are being shown in memory of isn't you.  You're a sweet child, you're full of life, you are a mess.  We all loved you unconditionally anyways.

So this can't be real.  The kid in the casket isn't you.  You're just a kid, you just got your license, God you were such a mess.  We all love you too much to let you go.

You are my buddy.

Which is why I'm still looking for you, because you love hiding and jumping out of no where to scare people.  Which is why I'm still waiting because you always show up late.

Even as I sit here listening to people tell stories with tears in their eyes. I don't believe it.

You're about to walk through the door...any minute now.  When you do your stupid goofy bright beautiful smile will light up your face, your hands will look like pistols as you shake them at us tauntingly, and you'll be laughing yelling 'Gotcha!  Got you, got you, I so got you!  Hahaha You guys fell for it!'.  Because you liked to take jokes to far and at the wrong moments.  We'll be mad at you, we'll probably try to beat you up, but you're so much stronger and faster than what you were when I held you close to me as we watched movies.  We'll love you and laugh with you later though, because that's what kind of person you are.

You are such a mess Jess.

~In Loving Memory of Jesse~
I love you cousin
November 1997 - March 2014

I showed up for class today like what any normal person would, but for some reason in our class of 18 only seven decided to come to class.  Our Comp 1 teacher even waited five minutes into class to see if anyone was going to show up.  Nobody did.

"I have half a mind to just end class today." He said slightly perturbed adjusting his glasses.

A small hope bubbled inside of me as I gave a subtle grin.

"Can someone explain to me the logic behind skipping out on a class, that you know has an essay due today?" He continued to question in his mini rant.

Damn.  He was ranting, which meant we weren't going to get out of class.  He may have used that same line before when the entire class didn't print off a paper to read...

Small fragmented explanations were given all along the lines of: More time to work on said essay, or (more accurately) sleeping.  But they would use the first excuse given to cover up that fact.  He continued on telling us how irked he was that not even half of the class decided to show up, before pausing and looking at us.

"I need to reward you guys in some way.  How about we do Extra Credit?"

Yes!  I had missed some days and really needed a way to bring up my participation grade.  This would be awesome...unless we had to write something over what we read...which I didn't do last night...Uhgah  please don't let it be about the reading last night!  I pulled out my notebook anyways and put my name on the top in my weird chicken scratch cursive lettering, waiting for my demise.

"I'm horrible about Extra Credit on the spot.  Can somebody tell me what we should do?" He questioned the class.

I paused, maybe I wasn't going to die after all.

"Just put our name on the paper?" The guy who was reading Pokémon sitting behind me asked.

"No it has to be something." Our professor answered.

"...Draw something?" The girl two rows to my right suggested in such a soft voice it was almost a whisper.

"Draw something...ok well what can you draw?"

She shrugged. "A stick figure cat." She muttered making me grin and the guys around her chuckle.

"Ok class, draw a T-Rex eating a cat." Our professor finally grinned.

I laughed then proceeded to use my purple inked pen to roughly sketch out a T-Rex biting into the cat while the cat scratched at it's face, but halfway through decided to make it comical by putting X's over the cats eyes and make the T-Rex give a sadistic smirk.  Once we handed them in our professor turned to the board and tried to draw a T-Rex with a cat in it's stomach before allowing us to leave for the day.

Thank you random girl in the union that gave me a cupcake. 

I was just sitting there minding my own business and a random girl sat next to me.  After a while of just sitting there working on school work and other such things she turns to me.

"Are you going to be here for the next few minutes?"

"I'm going to be here for the next hour and a half." I responded back.

"Can you watch my stuff, while I go get a drink?"

I nodded and she took her leave.  Really I did nothing, it wasn't like there was a surplus of kids wanting to steal an English text book and notes.  I messed around on my computer and people watched, trying to do anything to get my mind off of food.  I had left my debit card at my parents house and the most in cash I had on me was a dollar.  For this entire week I had been living off of a bowl of cereal and peanut butter sandwiches.  I learned a few tricks to distract myself from the hunger.

She came back with the drink she said she was getting and a white plain paper bag.  I didn't think anything of it as I continued messing around on my computer.

"Hey do you like cupcakes?" She asked.

Weird, not just because she was asking me this out of the blue, but because who doesn't like cupcakes?


"Well I have two here." She said walking closer to me. "Which one would you like chocolate or vanilla?"

Slightly stumped I tried to tell her she didn't have to do this for me, but she insisted and I went ahead and took the vanilla one.

Now I'm sure there is some heart felt moral in here, but all I can think now is, where is the random girl and will I get a free cupcake if I watch her stuff again?

Well I finally posted new art work that I've been wanting to post!  Plus on my fanfiction I posted a new chapter to my Pirates of Hetalia story, and for my new blog on tumblr called ancientshetalia I got a couple new followers :D

Also I'm going to attempt to write a Hetalia and Reader fic.  It's going to be agonizingly long, but I hope ya'll enjoy it all the same.  I'm just getting all kinds of shit done today!  I'm so excited! Whoop whoop!

1) Writers Block...why do I have to get writers block when my mind knows that I have a Creative Writing assignment due tomorrow!  If it was just for any story, I would shrug and move on.  Inspiration come back to me!

2) Drawing Skills...some days you want to work other days you don't, why can't you just work when I want you to?  It would save me the time and the stress if you would just work on command.

3) People on Bikes...That's right random guy who ran me over on my way to school, I'm talking to you!

4) Food...Why are you never in the refrigerator when I need you, can't you see if I'm too lazy to go out and buy more food with money I don't have, that I'm probably to lazy to go out to get food from the many fast food places around me.

5) Car...The words I could use for you, /words/

6) Phone...Why can't you realize that when I walk into a classroom you're supposed to be silent.  Like the freaking grave.  Not so loud you make the girl next to my things jump and nearly destroy my art project.

7) Overly Enthusiastic People...If I wanted little annoying rays of sunshine in my eyes at 6 in the morning, I would leave my blinds open when I go to sleep

8) Snickers...You little delightful bastards are the reason why I can't lose any weight.

9) Laundry...I folded you, and do you know how much of a pain that is?  Yeah carry your own weight around this house and put yourself away.

10) Internet...You little devious MF are the reason that I can't get anything done, because you hypnotise me into thinking I'll only spend a few minutes on it...well five hours later and I still have Writers Block! 

I have a tumblr with the same name alainarayne and I have a fanfiction with the name Alaina Rayne.  I'm not too proud of my fanfiction except for my Pirates of Hetalia story, and I'm semi proud with my Story Time story...I really need to update that one...However I strongly advise no one to read my X-men fanfiction, because I wrote it when I was...ten...I think, somewhere around there, and it sucks ass.  I really should just take it down because of how poorly written it is. 

Oh well that is my other stuff I have and feel free to follow or check it out, or just not bother with it at all.  It's whatever.  Go nuts!