October 7, 2009
And so, it has come to this.
The devastation of the path I chose,
The depression in my heart consumes me,
And yet, through the tears I almost feel free.
Sometimes I catch a glimpse of my old self,
The person I used to be not so long ago,
And I wonder how many doors I have closed.
This is not what I wanted.
I've exchanged drink for pills,
Searching for the reason,
And choosing isolation.
Maybe doctors are wrong...
Give me back my time,
Give me back my life,
Give me back...
Where did I get lost?
I'm scared to change, to take this step,
What if it is yet another false path?
But I am withering away...
My dreams are full of sorrow
When did my strength leave me?
When did my inspiration wane?
When did my laughter turn to tears?
How did I come to this?
Waves of emotion crash into emptiness,
Is it too late to change this path?
Will it lead me back to myself if I leave?
What am I doing here?
I thought my life was so simple,
I thought I loved this work,
I thought I was meant for this...
So why is it destroying me?
Let me sleep,
Let me dream,
Let me cry.
I don't know if I can take another blow
Will my sorrow free me from this hell?
Will a new path just distract me from the truth?
Will this change be the answer I am seeking?
Am I ready for the truth?
Wandering, but not aimlessly,
Do I want to heal?
Where would this path lead?
My mind is tired, cloudy.
Just let me sleep,
Just let me run away,
Just let me pretend,
Just let me ignore,
Just let me act,
Just let me feel,
Just let me express,
Just let me repress,
Just let me hide,
Just let me go...
What am I holding back? What am I afraid of?