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Literature
Memory in a Photograph
Memory in a Photograph
July 11, 2013
A box with photographs,
Of lost memories I never had,
Images of another's memory,
But the child is already gone.
As I travel this path,
A childhood that passed
Like a shadow through beauty,
Until she fades with the sun.
No illumination of love,
No realization of peace,
Only empty tears,
And silence.
What is truth?
I want to see,
Let go of fear,
Hear the cadence...
Instead I run towards a light
That only burns wounds deeper
But the pain is familiar,
And I understand.
Through tears I fight
To find the answer
And find her
Safe.
The smile, the laughter,
I was too young to remember.
My memories are filled:
Anger, Fear, Hurt, and Alone.
And the daughter
Grew up to consider
The suffering in others
And finding the light inside each one.
Somewhere the little girl smiles
And the suffering ebbs
Though the memories are gone
The light remains.
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Literature
Darkness
Darkness
February 28, 2010
I was cold and alone
I was afraid and in pain
I was sad and anxious
In the Darkness.
I tried to pull myself up
Only to fall again
Into the pit of despair
In the Darkness.
So many times I tried
And my resolve faltered
As my hope faded
In the Darkness.  
It swallowed my life
It crushed my heart
It nearly destroyed my soul
In the Darkness.
Eyes that were once so bright
Now dim with uselessness
The candle was blown out
In the Darkness.
What was it that made me go?
What was it that said ok?
How did I get here?
In the Darkness...
Convinced this would fail
I walked alone
Ready to die
In the Darkness.
I sat with tension
Ready to flee
There was no point
In the Darkness.
Tears started to fall
And I could feel again
So much estranged pain
In the Darkness.
No more pain, no more tears
Let me take solace in avoidance
Let me forget myself
In the Darkness.
But something inside
Something was still alive
And it fought
In the Darkness.
In a short time I could see
The
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Literature
White Rose
White Rose
December 27-28, 2009
A single white rose
For memories past and yet to come,
Of all the things that could have been.
Whose snowy petals
Lay softly against your cheek
In a gentle caress.
As memories flow
Like cherished treasures
So delicate they can be.
And today I find myself
Staring into the night
Wondering if you know...
As I sleep I feel your touch,
My dreams from a distant time,
Yet not so long ago...
So many hearts you touched,
So gentle a soul,
So passionate to believe...
The snow falls slowly,
Sparkling in the night,
And time passes.
So beautiful yet cold,
The stars against velvet night,
Seem out of reach but stir my heart.
You have always been near...
Soft and kind,
Full of life yet wise,
Loving to all,
Strength you never fully knew,
Thoughtful and just,
Yet laughter filled your soul...
These are the memories I shall keep
Time moves slowly,
But we will meet again.
Still I wonder
Did you know...
To so many lives
You are the white rose?
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Literature
Distance
Distance
December 24, 2009
Kiss Me
Lay here beside me,
Warm my thoughts,
As our fingers trace
Boundaries.
Touch Me
As we move closer
Pushing boundaries away,
Searching for our souls
Within the embrace.
Talk to Me
Laughter and Play
Fill the air
But are you sincere
In what you promise?
Kiss Me
Silence comes all to quickly
And I'm lost in the current
Trying to catch up
Before you're out of sight.
Touch Me
Insecurity strikes
My resolve wavers
Words flood my mind
But they are lost in the wind.
Talk to Me
I don't want to beg
But please oh please
Tell me where I'm going
I don't want to let go.
Hold Me
My world fell apart
Again today.
I needed a friend
But I'm still alone.
Touch Me
Here by my side
You are so far away
Were you ever here
Or was this a dream?
Hold Me
With distance between
I'm not sure what to think
Can I trust this again
Can I let go?
Kiss Me
I will wait and I will hurt
I will cry and I will remember
So please
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Literature
Healing Myself
Healing Myself
December 1, 2009
I sit down to write
To touch my dark emotions
Yet I find a pleasant emptiness.
I thought I would be sad.
I thought I would be angry.
I thought I would be lonely.
Poetry to express this solitude
Poetry to express I miss you
Poetry to express a void in my heart.
I thought I would cry.
I thought I would yell.
I thought I would sleep.
I am happy to be with you
But I didn't realize that because of you
I can be happy without you.
I wait for your call.
I wait to hold your hand.
I wait to hear your voice.
If you called right now
I would be delighted
And I would smile.
I would gladly take your hand
And let you lead me away
To explore one another.
The sound of your voice
Both relaxes and stirs my heart
And I would cuddle up close.
But if these things do not come to pass
And we go our separate ways
This I need you to know:
With you I have rediscovered myself.
With you I am embracing who I am.
With you I am freeing myself.
And for that, if in the end
There is nothin
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Literature
Breathe
Breathe
November 11, 2009
The darkness closes in around you,
Stealing life's breath,
As you struggle to reach the surface,
Knowing the struggle may be all you can do.
Through medicine and IV's,
Through needles and tubes,
As they race to find the answer
And put together clues.
Are you still here?  
Can you feel this pain?
When you close your eyes
do you wish for sleep?
The fluid still drains,
An infectious pus,
Plaguing your breath
As you open your eyes.
Taxing your reserves
Your body still fights
Using itself to sustain
As you slowly waste away.
Something so common
Has turned so horrid;
It's a race against time
As they make the first cut.
Slowly, piece by piece,
They cut you free
From your prison
Praying you will breathe.
What did you see?
What did you feel?
Can you forget?
Can you heal?
Painfully you fight,
You struggle through
Refusing to let go,
And begin to breathe...
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Literature
Desolation
Desolation
October 7, 2009
And so, it has come to this.
The devastation of the path I chose,
The depression in my heart consumes me,
And yet, through the tears I almost feel free.
Sometimes I catch a glimpse of my old self,
The person I used to be not so long ago,
And I wonder how many doors I have closed.
This is not what I wanted.
I've exchanged drink for pills,
Searching for the reason,
And choosing isolation.
Maybe doctors are wrong...
Give me back my time,
Give me back my life,
Give me back...
Where did I get lost?
I'm scared to change, to take this step,
What if it is yet another false path?
But I am withering away...
My dreams are full of sorrow
When did my strength leave me?
When did my inspiration wane?
When did my laughter turn to tears?
How did I come to this?
Waves of emotion crash into emptiness,
Is it too late to change this path?
Will it lead me back to myself if I leave?
What am I doing here?
I thought my life was so simple,
I t
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Literature
Transform
Transform
What should support, hurts,
What should calm, hurts,
What should inspire becomes a barrier,
But I still believe.
Who should support, hurts,
Who should love, hurts,
The unconditional becomes conditional,
And yet I still believe.
Safety turns to insecurity,
Confidence turns to destruction,
Inspiration turns to desolation,
Why do I believe?
Growth turns to regression,
Purpose turns to suffering,
Where is this transformation going?
The tears keep falling,
The anger keeps rising,
Each day I'm closer to the edge,
And I keep coming back.
Does it make me a sadist?
Does it make me pathetic?
Does it make me stupid?
Does it make me undeserving?
I return again and again,
Hoping and trying,
And am cut down once more,
And I ask myself if it matters.
The problem is I already know the answer,
I haven't realized it yet.
The problem is I can see their faces,
And I can't just abandon the future.
The problem is...I remember their names.
Ivory, Loeshia, Letitia, Rhajae, Candy, Sahira, Terrill, De
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Literature
A Teacher's Touch
A Teacher's Touch
August 30, 2006
These hands are not strong enough
To withstand the pull of time.
These hands they are not large enough
To grasp the hands of so many others.
These hands are not warm enough
To heal the wounds I feel around me.
These hands are not fast enough
To prevent futher pain and sorrow.
These hands are not gentle enough
To soothe them to sleep.
These hands are not powerful enough
To change all that needs to be changed.
These hands are not bright enough
To chase away the darkness.
These hands are not light enough
To show only laughter.
Tell me, what use are hands
whose grip is weak?
whose light is dimmed?
whose use is limited?
whose purpose is lost?
Tell me, what use are hands
when there is so much pain?
when there is so much anger?
when there is so much hate?
Tell me, what use is love when the requirements to give it leave the soul empty and frustrated?
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Literature
Spiral
Spiral
November 14, 2007
I've fallen down again
Each time it's harder
I find myself not wanting
Not caring to get back up.
I fight and fight
So hard to hold onto
What I see is good
And again and again
The petals wither.
Each time the fall is harder
Deeper than the last
And still there is no bottom.
I feel like a child complaining
Things could be worse
And yet I keep falling
I keep my eyes on the stars
But I'm still falling.
I reach out
I ask for help
Sometimes I feel a hand
But soon the grasp slips
And again I'm falling.
I want to hit the bottom
It seems I have to
For those who can help to help
But I keep falling
Unable to let myself lose sight of the stars.
And I fall and fall
Spiraling out of control
More and more each day
Trying to hide it from the world
Wondering how much they notice.
Another fight, another blow,
I can't take it
Someone please reach out
Someone stop my spinning mind
I'm falling and I'm scared
That I might hit the end soon.
I feel childish and petty
But I'm still fa
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Mature content
Drink :iconakikokalla:AkikoKalla 2 0
Literature
Fear
           Fear
September 1, 2009
Beside you I cry,
Feeling more alone,
Afraid of the unknown,
Clinging to your kindness.
Confusion sets in,
Panic leads to worry,
And fear consumes me.
Please don't leave me.
Grasping for sanity,
I master my childish emotions,
But the insecurity lingers.
I have already lost you.
After the storm has passed,
The fires of truth burn my eyes,
I see the reality of my fear.
It was not your leaving, but mine, I feared.
The casting away of an old self,
Facing this newborn passion for life,
Confusion becomes clear,
As I begin to understand.
The shedding of my old skin,
Exposing myself to the world;
This was my true fear.
But will you believe me?
The knowledge of not turning back,
That I will never be the same,
That life burns inside me,
And I desire.
No, you have done no harm,
But you are the witness
To what I had forgotten.
And the desire burns.
The tempest is finis
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Literature
Break
Break
June 4, 2006
We all reach a breaking point,
If I should reach it,
Please remind me you love me,
Please pull me back from that edge,
Please remember I love you,
Please know this is release--not me.
If you should reach it,
I promise to remind you I love you,
I promise to pull you back from that edge,
I promise to remember you love me,
I promise to understand there is so much more to you.
Swallowed in a sea of doubt and pain,
Tested by those who are lost and forgotten,
Judged by those who are ignorant and arrogant,
Walked on by those who are insecure and alone,
I promise to hold you in my heart for who you are.
Despite the rains of anger,
Despite the screams of solitude,
Despite the ache of sorrow,
When the sky is crying,
I will be there to shelter you.
Despite the time that is lost,
Despite the injustice we have known,
Despite the intolerant ignorance you have met,
I am still standing with you and always will be.
So as you hug me,
Our apologizes fading in the night,
Don't mind my t
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Literature
Just Thoughts
Just Thoughts
January 1, 2007
If I could reach out and touch your heart
What would I feel?
If I could reach out and touch your hand
What would you say?
But like a ghost my hand touches nothing
And I feel nothing.
If I could touch your soul
Would you know I exist?
If I could touch your face
Would feel my hand?
But like a shadow I fade into nothingness
And it consumes me.
To be numb I couldn't feel saddness
But sorrow can be empty.
Sorrow means I once knew happiness
But I can't remember...
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Literature
Today
© August 9, 2009
Today I began to see,
Today I began to taste,
Today I began to hear...
Your voice calms my fears,
Your voice excites my desire,
Your mind fascinates me...
Today I began to feel,
Today I began to desire,
Today I began to imagine...
You have woven your spell,
And captured my heart,
You have stirred my soul...
Today I began to understand,
Today I began to believe,
Today I began to live...
I feel my spirit return to me,
I feel the seeds of love begin to bloom,
I feel the wind against my face,
I feel the warmth of the sun...
And smile.
Too long has my heart been hiding,
Where did my dreams lose their way?
Too long has my spirit remained silent,
How did I keep back this passion?
Overwhelmed with emotion,
Overwhelmed with desire,
Overwhelmed with happiness,
And enjoying every moment of it.
As I begin to find myself,
I wonder where I lost the path...
I had closed this chapter once before,
Convinced myself I was content,
Threw my life into a societal role,
And willed mysel
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Literature
Ghost
Ghost
ŠJanuary 17, 2007
An empty shell
A void of life
Seeds lie in waiting
But tears do not reach them.
Darkness illuminates the soul
But shadows of light still linger
As if in a silent protest
Torment.
Are forced choices truly choices?
Are some tears heavier than others?
Will some wounds never heal?
Is it destiny or choice?
My vision is clouded
Intuition isn't guided by eyes
And yet
I still cannot find the words.
A ghost of what I was
A shadow of potential
Alive but not living
This is my reality.
Why do I live?
What do I add?
Why am I here?
It doesn't matter.
I close my eyes
The light fades
Unconsciousness consumes me
And I sleep.
I open my eyes
Reflecting plagues my mind
Thoughts too fast to understand
And I sleep.
Tell me...
How do I return to myself
Before the seeds turn to dust
And I truly sleep.
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Friends

:iconkale-night: :iconzoy: :iconanibunny: :iconsegahikui: :iconvicemage:

Activity


Apparently the only thing I keep properly updated is facebook, albeit that being somewhat censored due to the number of my students contacting me through it, and livejournal.  Everywhere else I drop in about this time of year, even if I don't post.  I don't have new poetry or sketches, but maybe soon.  I have a couple sketches, but no scanner at the moment.  I actually have been very busy teaching and health issues, but things are looking better right now.  And I discovered Rooibus tea; quite good!

I happened to be looking at old journal entries and found Kale Night again...and a webcomic.  Out of curiosity I started reading and I will admit, there is a bit of gore, but after the initial introduction I am intrigued and very looking forward to finding out what happens next.  I'm sure it will be updated more frequently than D. Gray-man, which I'm still pissed is taking forever with a rather roving story-arc.  Again.  Eventually I should work on my own book, but it is so long and complicated...even the outline is long.  If I ever do finish it, I hope someone wants to read it.  

At any rate, here's to 2013!
  • Reading: Lord of the Rings (again)
  • Watching: for A Broken Winter updates
  • Drinking: Peachberry Jasmine Sutra (tea)

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AkikoKalla's Profile Picture
AkikoKalla
tsurete itte
Artist | Hobbyist | Literature
United States
There is no answer, no solution,
I have no power and no voice,
And at the end of the day,
It doesn't matter to some.

But even without a voice,
I cannot turn my back on
What the children have taught me,
Because my voice mattered to them.
Interests

Comments


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:iconvicemage:
vicemage Featured By Owner Apr 5, 2010  Hobbyist Artist
Thanks so much for the llama, dear. :)
Reply
:iconbayleef:
bayleef Featured By Owner Dec 28, 2005
Hiya! Welcome to DeviantArt! :wave:

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