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Manic Depression

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This work was done in art therapy. It took me 3 hours to finish. Basically it's paper, colored with pastels and than painted with black acrylic paint. When it dried we had to scrape the black paint with pins or needles to create a colorful picture...

This art is very important to me. It represents the disorder I'm fighting with.
The bright, almost blinding colors represent the high of mania episodes. They are beautiful, full of life, You feel like you can do anything, be the best in everything, that everyone should just follow you and live to the fullest no matter what... but it's tricky.
At some point it can blind you and spin you out of control. Your view of the world is distorted and the behavior that you thought was making everyone happy is starting to hurt them. It starts to harm you. You don't see the danger of the world and that makes you defenseless. It makes you do stupid things... and then comes the crash.

You come down from the high, the colors start to blend together into ugly gray that starts to get darker and darker until it's just blackness. The depression episode is starting. It's a complete 180 turn from before.
You sit in your room, staring at nothing in particular and you think. About all the stupid things you did, about hurting people you love, how you're worthless, how you don't go anywhere with your life, that you don't have a future because this illness will be with you for the rest of your life. You think that you're pathetic and useless, how you hurt your family because they don't know how to help you and communicate with you anymore. You think about your friends and feeling guilty because you don't even have the strength to meet with them, you are too worn out - mentally and physically.
You think about the world, about it's ugliness and unfairness in every aspect of life. But the worst is that You can't do anything. You're just one, small, insignificant grain of sand. What can you do? You're useless, remember? And it all comes back to the thoughts about yourself and how wonderful it would be to just end it all...
***
That is just a small portion of the emotions that the people with bipolar disorder feel and thoughts they have.
In this art I wanted to show the contrast between the episodes. I hope I succeeded even if just a little.
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© 2013 - 2021 Ahness
Comments15
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This is My The Best Favorite One ! Heart 3D

ENIMINEMOE's avatar
Very interesting back story and I really like your choice of colors as well as the design of this character (very colorful and really stands out in the black background) :)
religiouscornrose237's avatar
More symbolism. Absolutely love it. :)
Ahness's avatar
I'm happy You like it :)
Abuttonpress2Nothing's avatar
Remarkable, what a great technique and drawing... the colors and contrast are so appealing!
Ahness's avatar
Wow, thank You so much :hug: I'm so happy that You like it :)
PeeterOra1's avatar
this is so beautiful, and so true! you have captured the gist of it.... i can't believe i missed it the first time i checked out your galery :-) for me this is your best drawing, such power....
Ahness's avatar
Thank You :hug: I don't like it that much (maybe because it reminds of hospital and useless therapists) but it's important :)
PeeterOra1's avatar
you are welcome! i understand the connections of hospital making things not pleasent, but this work lives it's independent life now :-)
kakuyaa's avatar
Kurczę, prosty sposób, a wyszło super, brawo! :)
Ahness's avatar
Dziękuję! :hug:
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