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edit: 7/28/2014 -- Another Dog gone

Mon Jun 23, 2014, 4:24 PM
7/28/2014

I do not even know what to say anymore. I have been through this shit twice already this year. I am getting fed up of hearing who has died from my phone calls.

This one was random and sudden. But they all have been this year.

This morning, our German Shepard, Faith, collapsed and passed. We are still looking, but based on her actions prior, we think it might be a heart attack.

She has a sister, and we have no idea how to help Girly through this. We can only hope she takes it better than we do. Faith was very gentle and timid and a sort of role model a sort of boss for Girly. If Faith did not approve, Girly was told, but Faith was never cruel or rash in her behavior.

Faith also loved being a pillow.

I do not know if I will take haitus. I will finish your commission RavageDingo, and stick to deadline.

Here is Faith. Bye guys.

Faith by Ahkward


7/7/2014

As if losing my Aunt and this horrible artblock isn't bad enough...

My dog was put to sleep this afternoon. I am heartbroken and already trying to stop myself from destroying things. I already broke some of my nicest pencils by tgrowing tgem in my grief and anger. This dog meant the world to me. I wish I could have been there instead of 2000miles away from Colorado. She probably hates me for not being there.

I had domestic problems. M8y mother wasn't kind when I was younger. We got her when I was in 6th grade, so about 2002. She was my puppy to take care of, a beagle fox terrier mix. She reminded me of Wishbone with her markings. My youngest brother was into Winnie the Pooh at the time, and for some reason the name stuck. Though her official name is Winifred.

I raised her, and she was always with me. I lived outside the city, in the fields of Granville, Ohio. We had forests and farms and creeks and rivers. Everything a young explorer and her trusty pup could imagine.

However inside thing were harsh for us. She was tge thing I took comfort in, and she always slept in my room. Usually she was in the corner opposite me, staring at me or she was right next to my bed.

When we moved to the city, the fighting got worse and the other things were too. She stayed my closest friends and i took her for lots of walks. Always complimented on her pretty face. When we moved to Colorado I took her with me to my grandparents, though they had two dogs already.

I graduated highschool a year later in 2009, and got my first college degree 3 years later in 2012. A month or two later I made the journey to Ringling College in floirida. I didn't see her for two years, until this past May. I almost did not go home because I was busy. I am so glad I did.

For a year or two she was suffering from Cushings Disease. This morning, my grandfather noticed she was having trouble breathing and took her in to tge vet. She had multiple clots in her lungs and was put on oxygen.

Reall my grandparents could see her suffer. Already with cushings she was suffering from nearly double weight gain due to enlarged liver. So tge decision was made. I will recieve her ashes later this month along with a tuft oft her famous black spot on her back. I wont explain. Secret.

They called me afterwards and even my grandmotger could barely speak.

Now she is gone. My rock for 14 years, who carried me through teenage years. Never hated me or ran away no matter my anger or sadness at the world. My family jokes, she has a special type of hug she gives. In all tge tine she lived with my geandparents and itgers, tgey never ever saw ger give it to anyone but me. The day after 2 years gone, i see her and she gives me her hug. Sits in my lap for hours and sleeps on tge bed with me.

Not anymore.

I am sorry. I am so incredibly sorry to all of you. Dumping my shit on you like this.

My aunt, art block, my dog.... i just needed to speak about it somewhere. And dA i trust most.

I do not know how I will act in future days.

-Ahk

:heart:

Winnie again... by Ahkward


-----
06/23/2014


Hey there, I may not be that active on dA.

Life ain't done screwing with me yet. I'm trying to stay optimistic and helpful and happy, it doesn't stop.

I found out someone I consider my aunt passed away on Saturday. I found out just earlier today, not even an hour ago. Our families were super close, sharing our fishing, holidays, parties, and money with each other. They even lived right across the street from us. They own a car performance business, fixing up and making cars look and run epically.

Site --> windsorperformance.com/Home_Pa…


We helped them a lot in running it and we were regular customers. They always did a fantastic job.

I haven't even gotten to see her in 2 years! Looks like I won't see her again. I'll be forever thankful they serviced my car for free before I drove out here to Florida from Colorado as a graduation present. ;-;

She lost a fight to cancer.

---

I will still work on commissions, but I will not be streaming or active much. I need some time. I will keep an eye on my auctions.

Thanks

Skin by ginkgografix (modified by Ahkward)
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:iconumbraatramentum:
UmbraAtramentum Featured By Owner Jul 31, 2014  Professional Digital Artist
Really sorry to hear about this... would be very hard for you :(
Reply
:iconjbailuk:
jbailuk Featured By Owner Jul 30, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
I know what you mean by that. :(

I've lost loved one's furry and human a like it hurts so much and it's hard to bare let alone be able to do art, and when stuff is happening it's hard to want to be motivated to do art. I know it's for me. All I can say is I'm so sorry for your loss, for my silence I've been going through a lot too that's been very rough/trialsome. I won't talk about it right now, but just that I want to say I'm here for you if you ever want to talk, I hope things will be alright, and I'm really sorry for the loss of your aunt and your two dogs. *hugs*
Reply
:iconlilwitchlingaly:
LilWitchlingAly Featured By Owner Jul 29, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
There's nothing I can say that hasn't been said already just... take some time away and we'll be here when you come back.

Many hugs and wishes of sweet dreams when you sleep and better days when you wake. ~smiles~
Reply
:iconahkward:
Ahkward Featured By Owner Jul 30, 2014  Professional Traditional Artist
I wish I could, though the stream last night I think helped a bit.
Reply
:iconlilwitchlingaly:
LilWitchlingAly Featured By Owner Jul 30, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
That's good. I hope you keep feeling better over time.
Reply
:iconcelticllama:
CelticLlama Featured By Owner Jul 29, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Aww, Ahk, If you need to talk to me, I'm here. I'm so sorry. Take some time off, we are all here for you. Good wishes and prayers for you. *huggles*
Reply
:iconkechk:
KechK Featured By Owner Jul 29, 2014  Student General Artist
I'm so sorry to hear this :c Take some time off DA etc.
My sincere condolences to you and your family.
Reply
:iconzekkentak:
Zekkentak Featured By Owner Jul 29, 2014  Student General Artist
Goodness. I'm so so sorry to hear what you have been going through lately.
My condolences go out to you and your family members.
Wishes out to you Ahk.
Reply
:iconblack-wren:
Black-Wren Featured By Owner Jul 29, 2014
All I can do is send a hug and my condolences.  It is never easy losing a family member whether it be the two-legged or four-legged ones.
Reply
:iconghostlyspirit:
ghostlyspirit Featured By Owner Jul 29, 2014  Student Digital Artist
:c
I send my condolences and ginormous suffocating hugs and love.  
I know there is nothing I can say that will bring the fur babies back - but I can understand the pain, greatly. 

You and your family are in my thoughts :c 

Stay awesome :heart: 
Reply
:iconwolfbite89:
WolfBite89 Featured By Owner Jul 29, 2014
I don't have the words to say how sorry I am about you losing another family member.... :'(
Reply
:iconkoneko-urusaki:
koneko-urusaki Featured By Owner Jul 29, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
My heart goes out to you :cry: *huggs*
Reply
:iconaeriette:
Aeriette Featured By Owner Jul 29, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
I'm so sorry to hear Ahk, keep looking up as much as you can, and if you need to take some time for yourself then by all means do that. Things will turn up in time, you'll see.
Reply
:iconahkward:
Ahkward Featured By Owner Jul 30, 2014  Professional Traditional Artist
I simply am trying to stay busy.
Reply
:iconbroadwinger:
Broadwinger Featured By Owner Jul 29, 2014  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Everyone will hit rough spots in life; this one is yours. It will pass; you cannot change the past, but you can shape your future. Look towards the future, because there is a bright spot of hope there still. If you need to take a break, then take a break. We all understand. :hug:
Reply
:iconveni-scripsi-vici:
Veni-Scripsi-Vici Featured By Owner Jul 29, 2014  Professional Digital Artist
I am so so sorry that all this has happened to you in one year. Losing family members, whether they be human or animal is heartbreaking. You have my sympathies and prayers that things will go better for you. :iconcomfortplz:
Reply
:iconawkwardlyalive:
AwkwardlyAlive Featured By Owner Edited Jul 29, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Im real sorry, i have lost pet after pet before *and people* and it very hard. my heart goes out to you and i hope you remember the good times with them and not the bad!
Reply
:iconcanobefnur:
canobefnur Featured By Owner Jul 29, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
oh jeez. ;n;
I'm sorry that this has happened to you all in one year.
Hopefully they're all watching over you and your family.
Reply
:iconravenheartvevo:
RavenHeartVevo Featured By Owner Jul 29, 2014  Student Digital Artist
I'm sorry for your losses, bae. Take as much time as you need. We're here if you need someone. <3
Reply
:iconstarlightscurse:
StarlightsCurse Featured By Owner Jul 29, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I'm sorry darling. Hopefully the three of them can live together in peace and watch over you and your family<3
Reply
:iconlucidkitsune:
LucidKitsune Featured By Owner Jul 9, 2014   Traditional Artist
I'm so sorry ;.;  There are not enough words to describe the sadness of losing a pet... :cling:
Reply
:icongoldendruid:
GoldenDruid Featured By Owner Jul 9, 2014  Professional Digital Artist
So sorry to hear this news. :cry:
Reply
:iconeraili:
Eraili Featured By Owner Jul 9, 2014
Oh my god, I am so sorry hun ;u;
If there is anything I can do for you, just tell me <3
Reply
:iconeun-gi:
Eun-Gi Featured By Owner Edited Jul 8, 2014  Student Traditional Artist
Don't worry, just take all the time you need to just be. We all need to take time off when it starts raining too much. (Putting in a emotional sense) 

But I hope in time you'll fully recover. Wish you luck. I hope that you see them in your dreams, all bright and happy. If that happens, that's definitely a great thing. (It happened with my grandmother) You have my sympathy. 
Reply
:iconahkward:
Ahkward Featured By Owner Jul 8, 2014  Professional Traditional Artist
Flashback to FMA there.

I certainly hope to see her. Though I am not sure if I am ready to see her there yet.
Reply
:iconscarzdaughter:
ScarzDaughter Featured By Owner Jul 8, 2014
I'm really sorry for your loss *hugs*
Reply
:iconluckykoneko:
LuckyKoneko Featured By Owner Jul 8, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
I feel sorry for you. take the time you need to recover.
Reply
:iconvladimirsangel:
vladimirsangel Featured By Owner Jul 8, 2014  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
I'm so sorry for your loss. I remember the feeling so well from having lost constant companions in the past. 

Take care of yourself. 
Reply
:iconjashinisagod:
JashinIsAGod Featured By Owner Jul 7, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
I know the pain of losing an animal companion, they say "it gets easier with time" but in some cases when the bond is that strong it never seems to heal, but causes a scar instead.
She is a beautiful dog, specially love the eyebrow, she wont hate you for not being there. She'll understand. Think of this instead, you haven't lost her entirely, she'll be with you in spirit. Keep your chin up.
I hope some good luck will come to you in the very near future. :')
Reply
:iconcelticllama:
CelticLlama Featured By Owner Jul 7, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Oh my god, I'm so sorry Ahk! We're here for you! This is horrible. Best wishes. Heart :comfort: 
Reply
:iconinukagomeluvrs:
InuKagomeluvrs Featured By Owner Jul 7, 2014  Student Digital Artist
I had to take a short break reading part of this before I could continue. Nearly tearing up.
I know that pain too well from the past..

May you have the strength to get on and may your days be eventually less heavy on your heart and may your tears be
eventually replaced by laughter and smiles of the memories of who you loved...I'm sorry girl, :(

Take it easy. :tighthug:
Reply
:iconkettlequill:
KettleQuill Featured By Owner Jul 7, 2014   General Artist
I am so, so sorry for your losses. Vent as much or as little as you need to...I'm sure everyone here will understand.<3
Reply
:iconmiukitty:
Miukitty Featured By Owner Jul 7, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
My well wishes, and let us know if you need anything
Reply
:iconshadowwolfzeru:
shadowwolfzeru Featured By Owner Jul 7, 2014  Student General Artist
I'm sorry for your loss. Losing someone, even a pet, is always tough. I would give you a hug if I could. :hologramhug: 2 
Reply
:iconbroadwinger:
Broadwinger Featured By Owner Jul 7, 2014  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
I can sympathize. :( I'm not going to go into my whole life story, but I do know what grief and depression feel like. Vent all you need. Take a good long break, take deep breaths. There is always the future. It may not seem possible now, but the future will hold many gifts. You can get through this, Ahk. You are a strong person.
:hug:
Reply
:iconaeriette:
Aeriette Featured By Owner Jul 7, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
I'm so sorry to hear you've gone through so much. You'll be in my thoughts. All the best wishes for you. <3
Reply
:iconsapphiresquire:
SapphireSquire Featured By Owner Jul 7, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
I'm so sorry. :(
:hug: I'll be sending you good thoughts and prayers.
Reply
:iconbluefoxaurora:
BlueFoxAurora Featured By Owner Jul 7, 2014  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
 hi, you dont really know me, and i dont really know you but ~hugs~ i know what its like i have been there and it isn't easy. i shut down and didn't want to feel... i lost my art for years because of it... all i can say is let it out let yourself feel it.. if you need to vent do it. <3 if you need to brake things do it... ( second hand store or dollar store plates work really good) :/       when i was there ppl saying they were sorry just made me made. so all i will say is i know... and give you my support. it may not be much coming from a stranger... but it is coming from a stranger who understands and cares :) <3
Reply
:iconahkward:
Ahkward Featured By Owner Jul 8, 2014  Professional Traditional Artist
It is very easy to just shut down. I am pretty guilty of it, especially today.

Sorry fixes nothing, but unless you can revive the dead, nothing can fix it. So I try to see it that way.
Reply
:iconbluefoxaurora:
BlueFoxAurora Featured By Owner Jul 8, 2014  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
~hugs~ like i said i understand  and may not help much but <3
Reply
:iconghostlyspirit:
ghostlyspirit Featured By Owner Jul 7, 2014  Student Digital Artist
::big big big hugs:: 
Ugh it sounds like you've been through hell and back. and I thought my week last weekend was rough :c 
I think your dog will always love you no matter what, even if you were not there for her in her last moments - I do know what that feels like :c  My six year old black lab was put down behind my back, and I wasn't there to stop my parents from doing so. I live with that on my shoulders and I have been for three years now. 

Take a break if you need to, or just paint out your frustrations even if the painting doesnt make sense vidually, emotionally an interpetavily (wow okie ur spelling so gud -shot- -ded- ) it might help even with the art block 
Reply
:iconravagedingo:
RavageDingo Featured By Owner Jul 7, 2014
加油啊
Reply
:iconshadowspear11324:
shadowspear11324 Featured By Owner Jul 7, 2014
I am so sorry for your loss. We are all here for you. I went through something a bit similar with my other dog. He got me all throughout grade-school which in all honesty was the worst for me. I hope things get better.
Reply
:iconcanobefnur:
canobefnur Featured By Owner Jul 7, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Oh wow. That's terrible that they were both lost too close to one another. :c
I'm sure she knows that you missed her terribly and knows you would have been there for her if you could've.
Take a break with all the time you need if you need to.
-sends super hugs your way-
Reply
:iconthetinfoilrat:
TheTinfoilRat Featured By Owner Jul 7, 2014  Hobbyist Artist
I can only imagine how terrible that must be for you. I'm sorry. :(
Reply
:iconsiofratural:
SiofraTural Featured By Owner Jul 7, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Oh god, I'm so sorry about all this that has been happening. Losing a dog is tough, although mine had to be put to sleep at a much younger age because of a clot in her spine. All I can send is well wishes and strength through this post, and I hope it helps, if even a tiny bit. *super hugs*
Reply
:iconnapoisk:
Napoisk Featured By Owner Jul 7, 2014
Oh no :( I am so sorry!
Take a break Ahk. You need some time to yourself to just sort through things and grieve. Take all the time you need.
Reply
:iconfarunderheaven:
farunderheaven Featured By Owner Jun 26, 2014
I'm so sorry, Katie.  Don't feel bad for not being active, it's got to be hard to be upbeat and interactive (socially or internet-wise) when so much bad stuff keeps happening.  I did just see your journal about the surprise donation though, glad something good has happened to help offset the bad just a bit^^
Reply
:iconsavinowolf:
SavinoWolf Featured By Owner Jun 25, 2014  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
I'm really sorry about your loss. Take your time to get back on your feet, losing someone close is never easy. 
Reply
:iconsalivaassassin:
SalivaAssassin Featured By Owner Jun 24, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
I'm sorry for your loss, I've been on that same boat of a friend passing away due to cancer. Take all the time you need.
 
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