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A Mountain by Ahkward A Mountain by Ahkward
There are times where you find yourself on a place of purity and silence. There is no activity and no noise, no troubles and no fighting. You realize you have felt the best and most at ease you have ever felt in your whole life. This single best moment of peace, quiet and serenity. They never last long, each one makes you want more and longer ones.

I make no claim of being smart or wise or some sort of specialist.

However I have been searching for those moments endlessly. Wanting more and more. In my life, as others relate I am sure, I have not been treated as kindly as I had hoped. I will not go into detail much but in most places I struggle to make friends due to, primarily my own insecurity and worry. I constantly self bash, even though I routinely tell others to not do it to themselves.

We create this mountain of fear and doubt, of worry, placing ourselves on top so that we may see others from afar; and judge ourselves based on their mountains, or lack thereof. By placing ourselves on top of those mountains, we isolate ourselves. We add to this mountain when we go to mourn for ourselves and our grievances.

For years I have built my mountain and I rule it, telling others not to build one as big as mine. Yet I continously add to it. Why? Primarily my appearance and lack of support from family. I work and work to make money and make them proud, but all I get in return are searing bites. I run back to my mountain and bury myself in it. I listen to it and let it convince me of my failures. It seems while I could put this mountain together, I cannot take it apart.

However I have learned to fight this mountain. Mountains erode and change in time... neglecting them exposes them to elements like wind (confidence to propel you forward) and rain (forgiveness and allowing yourself to express your emotions a healthy way). Like most things they are no simple fix, but spend as much time away from your mountain. It appears like a safe place away from the pain, fear and sorrow, but truly it is a toxic place. Leave it as often as possible and do not add to it. Everytime you go back, you add a pebble, a rock or a boulder...

Let your mountain die and surround yourself with those who bring the confidence and forgiveness we all need to maintain our sanities.

In my present moment I sit on this mountain, so I shared this with you to tell you of my journey so you may not wander the path I am taking.
:iconpandemoniumillusion:
PandemoniumIllusion Featured By Owner Oct 21, 2016  Student Digital Artist
beautifully written ♥
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Submitted on
October 21, 2016
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