War-torn ashes

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aetherfox's avatar

Literature Text

War-torn ashes,
fluttering in the wind.
The metaphor for life as we see it.

Pain blossoming like a flower,
from inside within.
A cold shroud of grim and evil,
that is a disposition of the end.

When the end is near,
face your fear.
For courage is not strength,
but belief in fear.

Hold your dreams close,
they will momentarily lapse.
For when those ashes fall,
placid pain will be be one with all.
I was listening to Dispositioned by Tool.
I just had a creative flow.
Put it down on Notepad.

No editing or anything.
It's freaky how close this is to you reading my thoughts.
© 2003 - 2021 aetherfox
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Masea's avatar
"from inside within." that was the only thing that kinda of bothered me... but the rest was wonderful....
awesome show of emotion
shashank's avatar
dispositioned's avatar
I think that the repetition of fear is unnecessary, and could be replaced with something else. As for the rest of the piece, I think that it's excellent. Without revising or anything, it's incredible.
undefinability's avatar
"from inside within."
- "Inside" and "within" are basically the same meaning, I suggest revising and removing one or the other. They're both fine usage alone, but together they seem pointless as to the same significance.

I think this whole piece would be better without the rhyming, but even with it this poem has potential. I could tell you were listening to Tool on this, so you compared the song and your own interpretation with it very well.
Excellent work.