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Hi followers! I exist, just life has been difficult and distracting. I have a tumblr and an AO3, if anyone is interested.

I'm removing many posts due to age and the fact that many have been edited or need editing. As a writer I continuously need to be improving my writing.

Also, what is up with my stats saying I have 83 deviations? I've never posted more than 25 pieces. (WTH deviantArt
So, I'm alive. Yup. Haven't written much worth putting up here.
  • Watching: Glee
I'm 23. I really don't think it means anything, but hey. It's a birthday.

On another note, I had toro (fatty tuna) yesterday for my birthday dinner. It was tasty.
I don't know if I like the changes dA made. >.<
Ahem, all frolicking aside, I am now free from schoolwork until 26 August 2010. These will be the things that will be occurring within the next 3 months:

- Fanfiction projects will be worked on and finished. I've had a bunny hopping around my brain for a No Crap! fanfiction that needs to be shot, skinned and roasted for Melii's and my pleasure. I'm also a year plus late on the last two pieces I've been writing for Alice Fox's webcomic Two Rooks. I'm going to have to do some serious ass kissing with my muse to get all that inspiration back for those two. :/

- Major overhauls and updating of my novels. I've spent a lot of time working on a bunch of them, so I'm starting to feel more confident in my writing. Anything posted would be subject to heavy editing as I continue to write and it'll probably most likely be out of order sometimes, but hey, it's progress.

- I will finish Final Fantasy XIII. Cats caused me to lose my last save file, so I'm replaying it. Can't really complain, it's still fun and suddenly all of Vanille's tiny expressions make more sense and have sooo much more meaning.

- I will restart all of my games since my cats like wrestling on my power cord while I'm doing a system update.

- Submissions will be made to my deviantArt, y-gallery, and accounts.

- I'll actually be able to have all of my laundry washed and have more time to keep my house clean.

I am so excited.
copy pasta from LJ

I just realized that I don't have an icon for how I'm feeling. I need to get an icon that expresses: feeling bruised and trying not to cry because god dammit, I will not cry because someone doesn't think that my strength of character and compassion would be good for counseling, but jesus fuck it hurts to hear that what you've been doing all your life is wrong despite all the people that COME TO ME WITH THEIR PROBLEMS.

I should explain.

I applied to enter the Counseling program for graduate school. The first time, I was rejected for my GPA and for some reason (they never said why) my group interview scores were low. Not to be deterred, I reapplied because I wanted to attend the #1 counseling program in the state of Texas. I was rejected again. Hurt, but not crushed like last time, I took some time to do some soul searching. I remembered one of my earliest childhood dreams: being a biologist. Long before I helped people with their problems, I was around animals. I started training my dog when I was 4 while being with my parents in K-9 Search and Rescue. When at my grandparents' farm, I'd find some frog that'd be my pet for the weekend and stay in my pocket as I explored the barn. I've helped my grandfather birth cows and dogs. My favorite places beyond my grandparents' farm were the Tulsa Zoo and a family friend's animal sanctuary. I remembered when some of the first Asian elephants were born to the Tulsa Zoo. But life happened and I thought my dream to be a biologist was gone. In the end, it wasn't. It'd been waiting, like a caterpillar in a cocoon waiting for spring. It's probably why I remember stuff about animals better than I ever did with what I learned getting my psych degree. D:

So I dusted myself off and did all the necessary paperwork to be a Biology major and get a second bachelors that I start in the fall. I felt better, like I was doing something that I'd actually be good at, even if I did have to take physics -- something I've been holding off since I took physics back in high school. I had completely forgotten about leaving a message with the head of the selection committee for the Counseling program until today when I got called. Once again, my GPA was low (not surprising since I can't miraculously raise it in 3 months) and in the group interview I had received low scores and comments saying "domineering" and "does not listen". Apparently my lowest scores were in "understanding others' viewpoints" and "respecting others' opinions". I felt like I had been punched in the stomach. My group interview had been full of women who couldn't make a damned decision and come to a group consensus. I mean, after watching the faculty facilitators check their watches and warn us about running out of time and still no one wanted to make a decision on a meaning for a picture I stepped in. I thought that I was being understanding making sure everyone -- not just the bible-thumping mothers -- had expressed their opinion and suggesting -- since no one else did -- meanings that these people said themselves. But in the end, everyone just wanted to dance around each other, too afraid to be firm to get anything done. We ran 15 minutes late because no one wanted to agree on anything, but just talk around it.

Then the woman (the committee head) says that what I did was admirable and appropriate and she was sad that my scores ended up that way. She then proceeds to tell me that my strength of character and my compassion and thoughtfulness of others should have been acknowledged, but since counselors are supposed to be followers, my strengths would be too much for a counseling career. That I should go into business. Which is funny, because when I started counseling and mentoring my peers, when I mentored younger students with learning disabilities, I was asked to do it because of my strength of character and compassion. She even had the gall to say that she would love to talk to me more. I very politely told her that she wouldn't hear from me until I took their Animal Assisted Therapy class and hung up. Then I sat there, trying not to cry which is why I have a headache from making sure I didn't.

I'm pretty sure counselors aren't supposed to be "followers". You know, that whole helping people with their problems thing and all? If we didn't need people to tell us our problems and help us fix them, there wouldn't be a career you could make of it. But fine. If that is the way that they want to run, I'm GLAD I didn't get accepted. Especially if they want people who dance around the issue, unable to get anything done. Fine, have fun.

But god, I wish it didn't hurt to hear all of that.
  • Listening to: THEATRE BROOK - Uragiri No Yuuyake
  • Eating: skipping off to do that now.

I got an account there, so go ask me questions. I can't guarantee any of my answers to not be morally reprehensible/offensive/crude/stilted/funny/shocking/et cetera. But I can guarantee that I'll answer them!
I just got a llama. What do I do with it?

(Feel free to be crazy with your answers. I'm wondering if I can have it for breakfast.)
Many of you know that I play airsoft. If not, now you do. I have a game tomorrow and so the b/f and I are doing gear prep. I've got 5 pistol mags for my hi capa, and we realized that they needed to be tagged in case I lose one. Discovering that we don't have any white spray paint, I grab a silver Prismacolor marker to write my field handle on the mags. But the marker's pretty much shot. So, in my desperation to find a way for my mags to be found if lost I PAINTED THEM WITH GREEN METALLIC NAIL POLISH. THEY WILL BE THE PRETTIEST MAGS ON THE FIELD EVER.

I am so tactic-cool.
  • Reading: No Crap!
I have nothing better to do. (Actually I do, but I'm avoiding it)

Acquired without permission from sambees

[x] smoked
[x] consumed alcohol
[x] slept in the same bed with someone of the opposite sex
[x] slept in the same bed with someone of the same sex
[x] kissed someone of the same sex
[x] had sex
[x] had someone in your room other than family
[x] watched porn (I guess it counts when I find my boyfriend and his best friend watching skinemax on my own tv)
[ ] bought porn
[ ] tried drugs


[x] taken painkillers
[x] taken someone else's prescription medicine
[x] lied to your parents
[x] lied to a friend
[x] snuck out of the house
[x] done something illegal
[x] felt hurt
[x] hurt someone
[x] wished someone to die
[x] seen someone die


[x] missed curfew
[x] stayed out all night
[x] eaten a carton of ice cream by yourself
[x] been to a therapist
[x] received a ticket
[x] been to rehab
[ ] dyed your hair
[x] been in an accident
[x] been to a club
[x] been to a bar


[x] been to a wild party
[x] been to a Mardi Gras parade
[x] drank more than three alcoholic beverages in a night
[ ] had a spring break in Florida
[x] sniffed anything
[ ] wore black nail polish
[x] wore arm bands
[x] wore t-shirts with band names
[x] listened to rap


[x] dressed gothic
[x] dressed girly
[x] dressed punk
[x] dressed grunge
[x] stole something
[x] been too drunk to remember anything
[x] blacked out
[x] fainted
[x] had a crush on a neighbour


[x] had a crush on a friend
[x] been to a concert
[x] dry-humped someone; been dry humped (It's called going to a club)
[x] been called a slut
[x] called someone a slut.
[x] installed speakers in a car
[x] broken a mirror
[x] showered at someone of the opposites sex's house
[x] brushed your teeth with someone else's toothbrush


[ ] considered Ludacris your favorite rapper? (... are you serious?)
[x] seen an R-rated movie
[x] cruised the mall
[x] skipped school
[x] had surgery
[x] had an injury
[x] gone to court
[x] walked out of a restaurant without paying/tipping
[x] caught something on fire.
[x] lied about your age


[x] owned/rented an apartment/house
[ ] broke the law in the police's presence
[x] made out with someone who had a GF/BF
[x] got in trouble with the police
[x] talked to a stranger
[x] hugged a stranger
[ ] kissed a stranger
[ ] rode in the car with a stranger
[x] been harassed
[x] been verbally harassed


[ ] met face-to-face with someone you met online
[x] stayed online for 5+ hours straight
[x] talked on the phone for more than 4 hours straight
[x] watched TV for 5 hours straight
[x] been to a fair
[x] been called a bad influence
[x] drank and drove
[x] prank-called someone
[x] laid on a couch with someone of the opposite sex
[x] cheated on a test


GRAND TOTAL: 79 (Huh, didn't expect it to be that high. Some of these are excessive though.)

If you have 00-10 ... write [I'm a goody-goody]
If you have 11-20 ... write [I'm still a goody-goody]
If you have 21-30 ... write [I'm average]
If you have 31-40 ... write [I'm a bad kid]
If you have 41-50 ... write [I'm a very bad influence]
If you have 51-60 ... write [I'm a horrible person]
If you have 61-70 ... write [I should be in jail]
If you have 71-80 ... write [I should be dead]
If you have 81-90 ... write [I got a ticket to Hell]
  • Watching: Modern Marvels: Tea
Today starts the whole trying to get into Graduate school again. Hopefully I'll get in this time since application for the summer semester is the least competitive. God, I hope I get in.
  • Eating: Lunchins is soonly. Yup.
Today is a GREAT day. These are the reasons why:
2. UNT closes at noon today, so I pretty much get a day off.
3. :iconmelii: drew a picture for me. It's hot and sexy, and spoiler-tastic. If you really want to see it, go to her LJ sketchblog, or send me a note and I'll give you the link.
4. I got Fios today! Good-bye shitty Charter internet and TV.
5. My meds for the case of viral Vertigo I have are working. No more dizzy falling for me. XD
6. Boyfriend's working from home today since he didn't want to drive to Dallas. If the weather's not too bad, we're going to our favorite sushi/asian food joint.

Even with the homework I have to do, this day can only get better.
  • Listening to: Leona Lewis-Stone Hearts and Hand Grenades
  • Reading: APA Style Handout
  • Eating: heh.
  • Drinking: heh.

But all I want to do is write. Or nap. Or keep an eye on one of my kitties. She reacted badly to some shots and I had to hand feed and water her since she couldn't walk without crying. But this morning I woke up to find her curled up with me and the other cat. That was probably the best thing to see after hours of coaxing her to eat and reassuring the other cat that it'd be okay.… GO LISTEN.
  • Listening to: Rie Fu
  • Watching: Kit play Dragon Age Origins
Wow...2009 is gone. Wow. So much has happened over the past year, both good and bad. And its pretty much all been for the good. Some of the high points include graduating, my granny's 90th birthday, my best friend's wedding, and applying for grad school. I want to thank everyone for their well wishes, encouragement, and (dare I say it?) love. It has meant so much to me, especially when I was feeling down and I'd see comments or replies. Those words brought me up more times than you'd expect.

So here I am, at the beginning of a new year. I haven't gotten into grad school, finished one story, married, or a puppy. I'm not fit and I've been too busy to pursue about half my hobbies. I forgot what it feels to be in nature without being in a firefight. Naturally, I have some goals.

1. Finish a story. Looking at my longer writing, I'm learning that I need more than just an idea. I've been editing all of my work (including fanfictions) with the drive of an obsessive-compulsive in a corn silo full of maize (which comes in many colors, yay). I also realized that I work better on paper before moving my writing to a digital medium. *sighs* My boyfriend may kill me, despite me working on my organization skills.

2. Get into grad school. I know what I need to do to get in. Get an 'A' in the class I'm taking this semester and kick ass in the interview. No more Miss "I'm polite so I won't haymaker you for ignoring my statements". NO ONE will stand in my way to getting accepted for the summer. NO ONE and NOTHING.

3. Get fit. I really don't want to lose weight, I'm happy with that overall. I'm just disappointed in myself for breathing heavy as I walk uphill to my job. Also, it'll help when I get that puppy I want.

4. Get a puppy. I've picked out the breeder where I'm going to get my new dog. Most of you don't know, but my dog died back in May. Had her since I was four, so about 18 years, but that just makes losing her harder. I'm just waiting for the breeders to get a new litter. This puppy will follow the legacy that mine had of helping people. I'm also pretty sure that the puppy will also follow the legacy of being too cute and smart for its own good, therefore getting itself out of a lot of trouble.

The other things aren't gigantic humongous important things. Marriage? Not happening for a while, since he and I want to pay for it ourselves. Pursue my hobbies? I'll be able to do that as long as I make the time for them. Be in nature without being in a firefight? Easily done, boyfriend be damned. He needs to experience the same thing. It'll be a new experience: nature minus camouflage and adrenaline. ;p

Here's to a new year and to friends near and far. May it be good for all of you, may you flourish. I hope you all meet your goals during this year. You all have my thoughts, prayers and affection.
  • Listening to: FFX soundtrack
  • Drinking: Lemonade
Yesterday saw me and my boyfriend/husband/partner celebrating our three year anniversary. It was a quiet affair. Actually, it wasn't. Nothing is a quiet affair in my house. Even at night, there's noise. My cats playing, down to the jingle of their tags; all of us make some sort of noise in our sleep. So when my boyfriend came home, we didn't sit down to a quiet romantic dinner or even go out. I made spaghetti. We ate that while watching Frasier drinking sangria. We split our favorite sparkling wine, him nibbling on 80% dark chocolate (gag) while I imitated a pillow for him. We didn't do anything magical or romantic. But it was still special. We're not the romantic types. Our idea of 'romantic' is him bringing home my favorite soda, or me with a bar of specialty chocolate for him. Taking over China together in Dynasty Warriors. Little things, to make each day a bit brighter.

So when I put on my Facebook, "three years with Kit. Not bad.", I got a bit of flak. Especially since Kit put up a very touching status himself. When I was asked if that was good, I replied:

"Definitely good. Even great and excellent. All of those nice adjectives with positive, fluffy connotations. But in the end, when I thought of it, its not just three years of us being together, but its all the days, months, and years we will be together. And the thought of that was not bad at all."

So when someone asks me if we did anything special for our anniversary, I say yes. Not because we had a romantic dinner, the two of us, but because we were together on a special day. Though the bottle of wine didn't hurt. :D
...but not out.

Didn't get into grad school. But I'm allowed to apply again.

I'll update more when they tell me the whole reason why. If its quota, I'm burning down UNT Dallas for ruining my chances into UNT.
  • Watching: Fringe
  • Eating: Chocolate chip cookies for breakfast
  • Drinking: Powerade
< posted in my LJ yesterday, but hey, its still valid! >

Sooooo tired, so tired tired tirededed.


This month is going too slow for these reasons:

1. Went to my grad school interview on the 7th. Will not find out if I got in for another two weeks from today plus the time it takes for the mail to run. I wanna know now! '3'
2. I want Star Trek (2009) out on Blu-ray NOW!!!!! It doesn't come out until the 17th. sadface for lack of drool-fest and action-awesomeness. Bu~ut...I just pre-ordered the gift set so I will not only have Blu-ray happiness but also Enterprise badges from the command crew. XD
3. I want Top Gear Series 14 to start already!!!! But it does come out on Sunday, so it should be able to stave off the Star Trek craving for a bit. Hammond, how I miss you!
4. I want THANKSGIVING!!! After pigging out at my grandparents' last weekend (Grandpa's birthday), I'm craving even more country comfort goodness. And i want more than my weekend off from work.

Man if this month is slow, next month is going to be cra~azy!!!!!
  • Listening to: William Shatner's performance of Rocket Man
... [not just yet] zero hour ...

Tomorrow's a busy day for me. I have my O/I tomorrow morning, dinner with my boyfriend's brother (Happy Bday Marc!) and then I'm driving to Oklahoma for my Grandpa's birthday.

... and I'm going to be high as a kite by then ...

Either that or completely crazy. I haven't figured that one out. I'm nervous about the O/I. Its such a big thing for me, I'm [very] jittery. I'm sure I'll do fine, its the usual lead up beforehand. Dinner's going to be a breeze. My boyfriend and I are taking his brother for Korean barbeque and sushi. Only bad thing about it is that since I have to drive to Oklahoma, I can't get a bottle of their black raspberry wine. Driving to Grandpa's house will be fine too, since I'm going to drink copious amounts of Oklahoma Mountain Dew (there's a difference between Oklahoma and Texas Mountain Dews, just trust me). Its just going to be laaaate getting in (5-6 hour drive).

But I'm happy! I miss my grandparent's place so much.
  • Listening to: Porno Graffitti-Koyoi, tsuki ga miezutomo
  • Eating: Hungry guu~
[EDIT!!!!] Roomie checked the mail. I got into the O/I!!!!!! That means I only have to be in the top 75 percentile of the Interviewees to get in. One step closer! I'll keep you all updated. :hug: and :blowkiss: to you all! :heart: [/EDIT!!!!]

Waiting waiting waiting. Fingers tapping, feet wiggling. ADD in full swing. I have no patience. Its been over a week since I turned in my Graduate School Application and I'm impatiently waiting to see if I got through the first wave of eliminations. The Orientation/Interview (O/I) is the second wave of the application process on 6 Nov. Of course, that means I still have another full 1-2 weeks until I know. So here I am, to jittery to read -- yes it is possible, no the world will not end -- typing. Its about the only think I can do to keep all of myself occupied. I can't promise anything terribly good or literature-worthy, since the only ideas popping into my head is fanfiction.

If anything happens, I'll let you guys know.
  • Listening to: Rie fu
  • Playing: Final Fantasy XII: Revenant Wings
  • Eating: Should do this...
Turned in my Grad app on the 14th. Now just waiting to hear if I pass first rounds and go to the Orientation/Interview on 6 Nov. Waiting sucks.

I'm writing once again. In the works are two haikus, one for Summer, the other for Autumn. I have an old short story that needs revamping, maybe I'll have a go at that too.

Oh! If anyone remembers me mentioning my war with one of my books, I WON! I found her and have been keeping her with me. Kehehehe. Oh the fun I will have. And looking at my writing, I realized how much I need to redo since I've matured in the year she's been gone. Dammit. I bet that is what she wanted. Crap. I wish I could draw. Then I could put her through torture memes. :