A warning to my monitors on the advent of a new semester. Unfortunately, they'll never see this, since I'm pretty sure this is considered a threat or rude.
I'd say this'd fall under 'Humor', since its a running joke to my coworkers when I rant about my monitors but I didn't think many people'd find it funny. My monitors act as if every timesheet email I send out doesn't say "If you do not sign your timesheets before I go to enter them, yours will not be entered and you will not be paid on time." Then when they don't get paid they whine to my boss who tells them off. God, its sweet.
If it weren't assault I'd actually kneecap repeat offenders IRA style and take a baseball bat to the top of their femurs down to their ankles. That way, they'd maybe learn to take 5 minutes out of their day to scribble a name on a piece of paper before the deadline. Seriously.