i look into their eyes,and though they are not empty,i know they arent seeing very clear
i watch my legacy struggle for the words to express their distress
my baby boys,lost in a word of blurs and loud noise
a hug from dad,a simple gesture of love,can be enough to send them spiraling 
their struggle is theirs alone,im just along for the ride
"daddy tickle me please"and then its to much,just like that they can detach and fall out of touch
then tears come because they dont know how to explain,that what was just making them laugh is now driving them insane
a scream in frustration,i see the agony in ones eyes as the other looks to me to explain
all i can do is love them,but it never seems like enough
why do these little miracles have to suffer like this?
mirror images of me at that age,but for them its difficult just to engage
what do you do when love isint the answer?
how do i help them as i watch them be consumed by this form of mental cancer
theres nobody to blame,no finger to poin

These Are Some Things About SPD 
Every morning it starts out rough, 
My anxiety is bothering me, I've had enough,
I can't take a bath it hurts too much,
There are just things I can not touch.
To wear any clothes they're itchy and hard,
I have to be naked, can't play in the yard,
I have no friends I play all alone,
I hope to have more by the time I've grown.
I never sit still anymore at school,
No way to focus without a sensory tool,
Acting bad in class to hide my shame, 
I can't hold a pencil or spell my name. 
Lights for me are just too bright, 
Makes me panic and hold mom tight,
Many sounds really bother me, 
I have spd can't you all see.
Their are many things I have to avoid,
Some were things that I once enjoyed,
I don't want hugs and I will wipe off your kiss,
being affectionate I sometimes miss.
I don't like the way that some things smell,
I don't speak so I can not tell,
I overreact to cuts and bug bites,
I am still a child, I do have rights. 
M

my actions are finally lining up with my words
but the line i walk as i take the actions that will define me is very thin
walking along either side of an edge
to balance my life along those very edges can sometimes push me to the brink
but to the brink of what?
is it insanity?is it a full surrender to the process of change?
does it make me less of a man to tell you im afraid?
does it make me more of a man to pound you into dust until you fear me?
the question isint what makes me a man?
because the answer is im a human being,its just that simple
i feel pain,i feel love,i hurt,i feel joy,i feel everything
and that makes me perfectly human,no more or no less of a man
when i was brought into this world i was a baby
we should all consider ourselves children
they are the most human of us all
they love unconditionally,they express themselves without fear of judgement
because nobody has conditioned them to fear being that human
are we brave enough to have the courage of a child?
they will look

i am a shadow shedding my skin,peeling away my secrets
extending myself to my limits and beyond
for i am my brothers keeper
its a gift i have been given that sometimes feels like a curse
to pull a soul from the fires of life instead of watching it burn
i remember being pulled from those white hot flames
shivering down to the bone,that was all that was left to expose
i was cleansed in those very same flames,the sins of my past burned away
the layers of years worth of scaring leaking down my body
exploding like artillery as it was licked by the fire
i looked with sightless eyes into the heart of the man i used to be
i couldnt see me,but i can now
as the moments passed i was forced to stand on my own
i used to be cold,but in that moment,exposed like i was to the world
with nothing to hide behind,all the masks i wore burned away
i had never felt warmer
i have outrun my demons,or atleast created a safe distance between them and i
today i have joined the army of the living,im not a dead man

i lost my best friend
always there to wrap me in a warm embrace when i couldnt stand to feel another thing
so warm,so loving,starting from my head and drifting to my toes
always there for me,through thick and thin,the deepest kind of love
always catching me when i started to fall
i woke up every morning missing him,wondering we he had gone
in desperation i sought out his comfort,for only he truly understood
and always,without ever really knowing where he had gone,he would find me
and together we would drift away into a happiness,at night we would lay together
but there would be no dreams
you see he was stealing them in the night,subliminally whispering promises of death into my ear
it was never an embrace,it was a grip,and he had me,i was caught 
my best friend was a liar,the ultimate illusionist,THE master of deception
he started my fall,and it was was a long way to the bottom
watching grace drift away into nothing on my way down
but from my knees i could still hear her,she could

There is no magic pill,no quick fix
i walk among the living,my shadow amongst the dead
drifting through circumstance,racing toward the unknown
im dancing with the devil,and i have 2 left feet
i never saw you coming,but i couldnt help watching you leave
i told you that i could see you,but i was wrong
i lost my sight in your eclipse,my eyes are still screaming
i missed my chance for redemption,now im a walking memory
free at last,im not a slave anymore
just a prisoner of my own integrity
i hear the drums of my past wars in the distance
still just barely a whisper
i take the hand of the dead
we walk together into the past
watching the spirits of yesterday 
embraced in a wicked and loving dance
may i cut in,the devil has grown weary
im done making deals with him
im just gonna stay here a while
and breathe in the fumes of the past